


Tales from the Galley

by bananabog



Category: One Piece
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Nakamaship, Other, but the more prominent pairings are tagged, most of these are gen honestly, seriously everyone/everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-22 23:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 84
Words: 36,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7457269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananabog/pseuds/bananabog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of 100 to 300-word drabbles that were written for OPY100, and other similar communities. Originally posted back on LJ in 2006. </p><p>Contains miscellaneous pairings and ratings, which will be indicated in the title. <b>Listed as "Completed" as it'll no longer be updated.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Over Time (T) Zoro/Sanji

**Author's Note:**

> Has it seriously been ten goddamn years since I wrote these? Holy fucking christ. (And I haven't improved for shit either. Whoo!)
> 
> Transferring them from LJ, with my original ANs, misspellings, errors and all, just so I have a record of them somewhere. One Piece was the first fandom I actually actively participated in and started writing for, and while some of these (read: most) (...read: everything) are pretty bad, they still hold a kinda happy nostalgia for me. So... here they go.
> 
> Goes up until the Thriller Bark arc. I dropped out of the fandom around there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Memories  
> Pairing: Zoro x Sanji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: March 17th, 2006

The first time he’d said it, it’d sent the cook into a flustered, shrieking frenzy, and Sanji had chased afore mentioned stupid bastard out of the galley. With a broom. He had been that flustered not to have thought about kicking the shithead. It wasn’t everyday one of your nakama, and the swordsman at that, sauntered up to you and asked, “So, wanna fuck?” in the same tone of voice one might enquire what he was preparing for dinner.  
  
It’d taken the cook three hours and several dunkings of his cranium into cold water before the question stopped banging around inside his skull, and had continued poking at the back of his mind over the next few weeks.  
  
The second time he’d said it was seven seconds after yet another one of their more intensive fights, as they both lay sweating, panting and gasping for air on deck. The fight was promptly resumed. Sanji swore afterward that the reddish tinge his face had taken on was due to his exertion.  
  
The third, fourth, and subsequent questions were met with gradually decreasing resistance as the cook fell into familiarity, and Sanji’s explosive reactions slowly dwindled down to a subdued snort and an almost embarrassed glance in the opposite direction. He’d never said yes; but he hadn’t said no, either; in the end, it was the cautious step towards him, strong hands resting on either side of the railing behind him, and a breathed, “Well?” that caused him to yank the idiot into a swift, rough mouth clash. He was certain this wasn’t what kisses were supposed to be like.  
  
“You’re too fucking naggy,” Sanji snarled, a few seconds after it ended.  
  
Zoro smirked, and leaned in once more. “If memory serves me right, your reply was different thirty-three proposals ago.”


	2. (fore)Play (T) Zoro/Luffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Topping  
> Pairing: Zoro x Luffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: March 17th, 2006

It was all snarls, deep-throated growls and bared teeth as the two of them shot across the deck of the Going Merry; a fierce, heated struggle, hands grappling at cloth, nails biting into uncovered skin, limbs flailing and tangling and going in all directions. Somewhere above them, Nami heaved a deep, suffering sigh, massaged her temples, and raised the newspaper she was reading a little higher to block out the sight of her Captain and his First Mate tumbling across the wooden floorboards.  
  
Zoro snorted derisively, a swift roll bringing him out from under his Captain’s stance, before reaching back to slam the younger against the floor. Luffy yelped, taken aback, before similarly reaching out to claw at the swordsman’s arms. Of course, Zoro didn’t stretch; but Luffy could, and, winding his arms around the swordsman, used the leverage to heave Zoro off him, and flung him across the deck. Stupidly forgetting to unwrap his own arms before he did, of course, and Luffy went flying too. They landed in a heap somewhere near the mast.  
  
Zoro was laughing now, hearty roars even as he twisted and struggled to get away from the tangled octopus his Captain had become. Luffy laughed too, in between bouts of cursing and asking what the hell was going on, until their combined efforts revealed that the boy, sprawled atop his chest, had somehow managed to knot himself several times around the First Mate. With a disappointed whine, Luffy dropped his head to Zoro’s chest – and his face split into a wide grin when he realized his position.  
  
“I topped!” he crowed. Zoro rolled his eyes and head butted the idiot, who whined and tried to rub off the bruise sans his arms before restarting the fight, both tumbling across the deck in a wad.


	3. "A" star (G) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Education  
> Pairing: Usopp/Luffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: March 23rd, 2006

Finding the money to pay for school fees had been difficult, seeing how his father had left for the seas and his mother had died shortly after. It wasn’t long before Usopp had to stop schooling, turning to odd jobs for his survival. He’d worried then, whether his lack of education would result in him having a difficult future – he knew that there was more to life than having fun and adventures and friends; everyone had to settle down eventually, and if you didn’t have some form of smarts, well, you were pretty much doomed.  
  
Still, he was a studious boy, and whatever time he had to himself he spent in observation. He noticed the way people behaved, how certain people talked, gossiping within themselves or to strangers, listening intently as drunken sailors slurred through their tales of chivalry and valor. He never once stopped thinking about the kind of adventures _he_ would have, his own fascinations and those of others blending into the vast expanse of his imagination.  
  
“…and the beast was felled, with a single slice that cleanly severed its grotesque head from its body. No more would the kingdom of Quetalsa be plagued by cruel, maiden-devouring monsters. The hero sheathed his bloody sword, a small smirk on his lips, and stepped over the fallen monster.” Usopp paused, for dramatic effect, and finished, his tone mysterious and suspenseful, “He had a princess to save.”  
  
“COOOOOOOOOL!” Luffy shrieked almost instantly, clapping his admiration enthusiastically with sandaled feet while the sniper basked in his praise.  
  
“Man, Usopp, you tell such great stories,” Luffy commented, grinning widely, “you must have gotten awesome grades in school for storytelling, huh?”  
  
“Grades?” Usopp blinked, then laughed in amusement.  
  
“Of _course_ I got awesome grades! Why, back then, I used to top the entire class…”


	4. Stretching (PG) Zoro/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Education  
> Pairing: Sanji x Zoro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: March 27th, 2006

“Spread your legs wider. _Wider_ , shithead – you’re barely even stretching your muscles at this rate.”  
  
Zoro stifled the urge to throttle the blond and grudgingly complied, teeth gritting as his thighs protested against being pulled further apart. Directly opposite him, lengthy legs settled in a perfect 180 degree split, was the stupid cook. He didn’t even have to use his hands to brace himself from toppling over – just sat there, arms folded across his chest, puffing idly on his cigarette. He’d held that position for nearly ten minutes, too. Damn him.  
  
“How the hell do you do this without snapping a tendon or two?” he snarled at last, only having managed to spread them to 97 degrees.  
  
The bastard just shrugged. “Years of practice. Anyway, since that’s your limit…”  
  
Sanji drew in his legs and stood fluidly, completely unaffected by the long stretch. He then raised a knee, tucking it against his chest for a split second before thrusting the foot straight up, so that it was directly perpendicular to the ground. And stayed, unwavering, perfectly balanced, hands still in his pockets, still puffing on his damned cigarette.  
  
“You’ll be able to do this once you manage to split completely,” he continued, not even sounding strained, before he started demonstrating multiple kicks to the head, chest and waist levels, not once resting said foot on the ground. As if that wasn’t challenging enough, he started pivoting, kicking out at all angles without even wobbling. Thirty kicks later, all of them executed to perfection, Sanji’s foot finally touched the deck.  
  
He rocked back on his heels, looking at the swordsman with a raised brow. “And that’s all there is to it, really.”  
  
Zoro stood painfully and slowly wobbled away to resume his previous training, his expression resigned. “I’ll stick to swords.”


	5. STFU (PG) Zoro/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Talking  
> Pairing: Zoro x Sanji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Post Date: April 8th, 2006

“What the fuck are you – “  
  
“Shhhh! Shut up.”  
  
“Why should I – “  
  
“Just _shut up_ , you stupid cook! That damn female Marine’s in the area and I don’t need her to see me!”  
  
“That has nothing to do with the fact that you’re practically straddling me against the wall.”  
  
“I am _no_ … er. Shit.”  
  
“Shit indeed. Care to explain?”  
  
“It wasn’t intentional. And for god’s sake, shut the fuck up before she hears us!”  
  
“I’m giving you ten seconds to explain yourself before I raise the alarm.”  
  
“Y-You wouldn’t dare! And you’d be setting yourself up for capture, too – “  
  
“Four seconds.”  
  
“Bastard! It was fucking reflex, alright? You should be grateful I was considerate enough to think about hiding you from – “  
  
“HEY, SERGEA-mph!”  
  
“!!”  
  
“…?!!?!”  
  
“…!”  
  
“?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!”  
  
“Gargh!”  
  
“GRARGH! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!”  
  
“I told you to shut the hell up!”  
  
“Fucking kissing me will NOT work to your advantage! Shithead!”  
  
“Well, maybe if you’d let go of my fucking wrists, I could have used something else other than my mouth to shut you up! You stupid, talkative spiral bastard!”  
  
“Dumbass algae-head!”  
  
“Dartboard eyebrow!”  
  
“SHITTY MARIMO!”  
  
“STUPID LOVE CO –“  
  
“ _There_ you are, Roronoa Zoro!”  
  
“FUCK.”  
  
“Wait, what are you – oi! Let go of my wrist, idiot – stop pulling me! I’m not a damn girl!”  
  
“STOP THERE, RORONOA!”  
  
“When we get back to the ship, _Roronoa_ Zoro? _I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You._ ”  
  
“Just shut the fuck up and run.”


	6. Dreams (PG) Zoro/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Talking  
> Pairing: Zoro x Usopp, maybe hinting at Zoro x Luffy and Zoro x Sanji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Post Date: April 9th, 2006

“O-Oi, Zoro.”  
  
“Nn?”  
  
“Is it like, a talent or something?”  
  
“…Swords?”  
  
“No, I mean… Um. You know… being brave. A-and stuff.”  
  
“…Brave?”  
  
“A-and strong, and manly and tough and – I mean, dammit. I don’t know how the hell you and Luffy and Sanji do it. Charging into battle like that without the slightest trace of fear or worry, not caring what happens to you, if you’d get hurt, or if you’d lose, or if someone died or – “  
  
“No one’s going to die.”  
  
“You don’t know that for sure.”  
  
“No, I don’t.”  
  
“…so why…?”  
  
“I’m not the mindless battle machine that everyone seems to think I am, y’know.”  
  
“You seem that way.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“N-nothing! Um…”  
  
“…”  
  
“…”  
  
“…I’m not entirely fearless. There are times when… well, when shit happens. Where the odds are just _against_ you, and it feels like there’s no way in hell you’re going to win. Everyone faces that feeling sometimes. Even Luffy. He doesn’t show that face often, but there’s fear in his eyes when he sees any of us badly hurt. He’s afraid to lose us, and that’s why he fights so hard.”  
  
“…”  
  
“The shit-cook fights for his ocean. To be alive to find it and tell that old chef it’s real. …I fight because it’s my ambition and because it’s for _her_. If I want to live my dreams, I can’t afford to waste time on ‘what if’s. Only here, now, and what I can do about it. …and, to quote our Captain, ‘if I died chasing my dream, then at least I died trying’.”  
  
“…you make it sound so easy.”  
  
“Never said it was.”   
  
“…”  
  
“ _Your dream_ , Longnose. Fight for it. …And _quit_ worrying so much.”  
  
“Ow! Asshole! You didn’t have to hit me that hard!”  
  
“Heh. At least you’re smiling now.”


	7. Life Changing Words (PG) Zoro/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Talking  
> Pairing: Zoro x Sanji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: April 13th, 2006
> 
> AN from July 2016: OKAY HOLY CHRIST THIS ONE IS BAD. BAAAAAAAD. YOUNGER!ME WAS A LITTLE HIGH AND MIGHTY PIECE OF IGNORANT, INTOLERANT SHIT WHO LOOKED DOWN ON MPREG HA HA GUESS WHAT, PAST SELF. YOU'RE FUCKING INTO MPREG NOW. YEAH. KARMA'S A BITCH AIN'T IT
> 
> FUCKING ZING

"Oi, Marimo. Guess what?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"...I'm pregnant."  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original AN from 2006, I shit you not: "Prior to this I was surfing aff and came across this horrendous Luffy mPreg fiction that scarred the shit out of me. YES LUFFY MPREG. wtf. Search for it yourself. *shudder*"
> 
> HA HA HA HA OH WOW THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
> 
>  
> 
> LET'S POST THIS FOR ALL THE INTERNET


	8. Wavering (G) Luffy/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Routines and Rituals  
> Pairing: Luffy x Sanji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: April 15th, 2006

On board a ship like this, it’s easy to lose the worries and uncertainties. Too much chaos and ruckus going on in every waking moment to actually allow for personal meditative peace and quiet.   
  
Repeated boots to the rubber head that comes crashing into the galley as he sets out breakfast. Cursing at the marimo that he shouldn’t be touching the rum this early in the morning, before the daily scheduled fighting commences. Fawning over the girls, glasses of iced lemonade for a stifling afternoon. Yelling at Usopp not to conduct his experiments inside the kitchen when he's making dinner, assuring the reindeer that stubbing his toe against the table leg was of no concern.   
  
Then night would fall and everyone would retreat to their respective sleeping quarters; Usopp would wake Sanji for his night watch, and he’d stumble across the deck, clamber up into the crow’s nest, stare blankly out over the endless black waves, and wonder when would be the day that they sailed into the fabled ocean.  
  
Wondered if they’d ever find it.  
  
Wondered if maybe… he was chasing after a dream that never existed.   
  
Sometimes the questions lingered around too long, and the cook would be in a considerably bad mood the next morning, irritable, cranky, tensed. And it was on these days that Luffy somehow _always_ managed to fall overboard.   
  
“Can’t you stay on the damn deck for once, Luffy?” Sanji snapped finally, as he once again hauled them back over the railings.  
  
The boy laughed. “Wanted to check. Can’t see the fish from up there. Oh well, we’ll reach All Blue soon!”   
  
And then he was off, bouncing wetly across the deck, leaving a very stunned cook behind him.   
  
Sanji wondered if Luffy noticed he’d gotten extra meat for dinner that night.


	9. Always on the Figurehead (G) Zoro/Luffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Routines and Rituals  
> Pairing: Sort of Zoro x Luffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: April 16th, 2006
> 
> First-person POV. Terrible, terrible narratives ahoy.

The figurehead of the Going Merry is, without a doubt, the only part of the ship that doesn’t wholly belong to Usopp.   
  
Sometimes he’ll just sit quietly, gaze traveling far across the ocean waves that rock the ship to her next destination, and occasionally a hand comes up to finger the rough scar beneath his left cheek. There’ll be a distant smile on that wide-eyed face, a small longing grin, and then the hand drops back into his lap, unmoving.   
  
It’s a odd habit, one that I’ve caught him doing far too many times as I watch him while lifting my weights near the figurehead, lest the idiot slip off his perch and drown himself in the ocean. Still, I’ve learnt, as the others on this ship have, that it’s best not to question the Captain’s antics too much. 

*

It’s been nearly ten years.   
  
I don’t really do it on purpose, but sometimes it’s nice to have a reminder. Not that his hat isn’t enough of one, though.   
  
Hmm. I was quite stupid then.   
  
Always on the figurehead. I’d get pretty mad if anyone else but me got to sit on it. Sometimes I wonder why he hadn’t chased me off it, back then, when I’d stood there and yelled for him to look at me before stabbing my face out. I’d gotten blood on it, too.   
  
Past, present, future.  
  
The edges of the scar below my eye are still rough, slightly ridged, and will probably never fade.   
  
Merry’s head, painted white wood, smooth and cool beneath my palms as she sails onward to her next destination.  
  
The sea breeze tousles Boshi and I reach up almost automatically to press it back down over my hair. I still have to return it to Shanks. I must never lose it. Though I suppose I will need to apologize to him for getting it torn so many times. Oh well. Nami can fix that.  
  
Zoro’s watching me again. I turn to shoot him a sudden grin and, as expected, he looks away immediately, trying hard to pretend he hasn’t been doing so. I let him go and face back toward the ocean.   
  
I’m glad he hasn’t asked. It’d be hard to explain.


	10. Not Customers (G) Luffy/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Routines and Rituals (I think???)  
> Pairing: Luffy x Sanji again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: April 18th, 2006

"Oi, Sanji. Why are you eating at the sink instead of with us?"  
  
His first hour as the boy's cook had been spent making lunch, and his new captain and the sniper looked to where he was leaning by the sink, a plate and fork in each hand, food untouched.   
  
Sanji shrugged. "I'm a cook. It's manners not to eat together with the customers."  
  
The captain made a sound that might have been a whine of impatience and made several waving motions in the air with his hand while stuffing his face with the other. "Werr nugh gushjomersh. Sheeduwn."  
  
His brow furrowed, and the cook leant forward to better hear the garbled sentence. "What?"  
  
"Ahg SHAGH 'sheeduwn'."  
  
" _What_?" Another step closer.  
  
"SHEEDUWN, SHARNGEE!"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"AHG SHADGH - "  
  
He'd walked right up to the rubber boy without realizing it; without batting an eye, the captain reached up, grabbed a fistful of the blond, and yanked him sharply down into the empty space between him and the sniper.  
  
The boy swallowed his mouthful, and flashed the cook a grin that revealed shreds of meat stuck between several teeth. "I said, 'We're not customers. Sit down, Sanji.'" Then turned back to his food and resumed stuffing himself without any further comment.   
  
The cook blinked several times before he remembered he was supposed to eat. He gave a slight snort, setting his own plate on the table and lifting his first spoonful.   
  
"Just for today," he muttered, smiling grudgingly, before digging in.


	11. Checkups (G) Chopper-centric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Routines and Rituals  
> Pairing: Chopper x everyone lolol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: April 18th, 2006

Luffy has to actually pass out from bloodloss and exhaustion before he gets his wounds dressed. In battle the Captain barely even notices the pain of his injuries, or the insane amount of blood pouring from them, but once the adrenaline is gone and it's just him against that little cotton swab of alcohol, all hell breaks loose.   
  
Zoro is another crazy one. He bleeds _everywhere_ everytime he clomps in to get wrapped up; the Xoan still can't understand how the swordsman can be lifting weights five minutes after he's learnt he'd just lost four litres of blood. He's easier to handle than Luffy, however, preferring to tolerate the pain in obedient silence, like it's some kind of test of manhood, never uttering a single sound even as he watches the reindeer dig about in his guts to clean them out.  
  
The only time Zoro talks is when Sanji's also in the room, waiting his turn, and even so they're still competing to see who can better tolerate getting their gashes drenched in anti-septic oil, or, when it's time to change bandages, who can last longer through getting them ripped off from still-healing wounds. It's ridiculous, it's stupid, and they all know it, and do it anyway. Chopper tries to ignore the spats but can't help grinning on the inside, because this means they're fine.  
  
To date, Usopp has been stricken with thirty-seven various forms of I-Will-Die-If-That-Needle-So-Much-As-Comes-Within-Three-Feet-Of-Me-itis - all of which have been miraculously cured with Nami's Instant-Bullshit-Stopping-Punch before the doctor can administer the proper vaccine. Chopper still hasn't figured out how the navigator did it, but now he calls for her assistance everytime the sniper's being a wuss.   
  
His patients aren't easy ones, but at least they make his job interesting.


	12. Battle Lost (T) Zoro, Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Crush   
> Pairing: ZoSan, sort of nakamashippy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted: April 21st, 2006
> 
> Warning for blood, possible gore

He wasn't sure what had happened, but it had definitely been anything but pretty.   
  
Blood coated the walls, and from his current slack, twisted form on the floor, it was safe to assume it had been his. The suit had been ripped beyond recognition, blue pinstripe now dyed crimson red, shimmering wetly as the blond's chest struggled to rise with ragged gasps.   
  
Luffy was screaming, kneeling by the blond's head, shaking him madly in an attempt to snap him out of his stupor. Sanji's single eye was wide, glazed over, staring past his captain and through the others that had surrounded. Nami's hands were on his chest, frantically feeling out the damage done; never had Zoro wished so strongly for the cook to go into one of his stupid heart-eyed, lovestruck croonings. But he remained limp in his captain's grasp, staring past the navigator, mouth frozen in a humorless grin.  
  
He couldn't stop himself from staring at the mangled mess of flesh and bone that shouldn't be showing, that were the cook's hands. Fingers twisted at angles that were beyond extreme, half the digits from his right gone, hacked messily off, revealing white bone through raw, throbbing red. Palms utterly flattened, too pliant, the bone crushed in far too many areas.   
  
Chopper was crying; You'll be okay, Sanji, your hands, I'll fix them, talk to us, _talk to us, dammit_ , but the cook was too far gone in his own pain. He never heard the doctor's desperate promises, couldn't see the way hands were clenching, fisting in that bloody jacket. Never saw the way the straw hat was pressed down over dark, murderous eyes, or the way Usopp's hand tightened about his slingshot. Never heard the chink of white metal against clenched teeth.  
  
The fuckers who did this were going. To. _Die_.


	13. Macho Idiocy (PG) Zoro/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Crush  
> Pairing: SanjiZoro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April 22nd, 2006
> 
> 2006 AN: Something a little less bloody than the last one.

They stared as Zoro walked straight into the mast. Again.  
  
“Oi,” Usopp muttered, casting shifty eyes to Nami from their perch near the mikan trees, “is he okay? That’s got to be the fifth time this afternoon.”  
  
“Maybe his sense of direction just got worse.”  
  
The swordsman cursed, swore loudly that he _hadn’t_ been absorbed in his thoughts, that he _wasn’t_ thinking about the stupid love cook, and that someone _obviously_ had been moving the mast around. Then opened the hatch to the men’s quarters, got one rung down, then fell through the rest of the way when his hands slipped. There were very loud, very painful crashing and cracking sounds that could only be Zoro’s head successfully hitting all the rungs on the way down before meeting the floor.  
  
“Ooh. Ow. Ow ow.” Usopp winced, appreciatively. “That musta hurt.”  
  
“I’M GOING TO KILL THAT STUPID LOVE COOK OW!”  
  
“He could have been a little less blatant about his denial, though.”  
  
“Mm hm.”

*

“Out with it, shitty swordsman. I don’t have all day.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You being a blind oaf the entire morning. And afternoon. And night. And from what Usopp said, has something to do with me.”  
  
“Usopp’s a liar.”  
  
“Not all the time. Spill it.”  
  
Squeak of wooden table leg against wooden deck, groan of wood accommodating shifting weight. Hesitant silence.  
  
“…fine. Be all secretive, locked-up and angsty over this, I’m going to bed.”  
  
No retort, except the grinding of teeth, a heated glare at the refrigerator, fisted hands by his sides. Shoes striding smartly past the swordsman in languid steps.  
  
“…wait.”  
  
Footsteps halting near the exit. Smirking as he turns to face the other, muffled thump of back resting against the door. “Aunt Agony’s all ears.”   
  
Scowl. Tentative step forward. Still keeping his glare on the refrigerator. “I… I, uh…”  
  
Snort. Rolling his eyes, hand pushing the handle, a squeak as the galley door swings open. “Night, shithead.”  
  
“Asshole! I – I li…”  
  
“Hmmm?” Pause, cock of eyebrow, slight twist in the torso to casually regard the other – before he’s staggering backwards, swordsman in his face, _right there_ , heated breath gusting across skin, practically able to count every individual eyelash on the other’s eyelids, what tastes like rum and traces of dinner as taste buds mesh, realizing just how chapped Zoro’s lips are against his own.   
  
Hard, shocked shove. More staggering. “The _fuck_ , asshole?!” Not so cocky now, panting, gaze wild.   
  
Suddenly realizes that… oh, fuck, the fucker’s serious, not a stupid joke – not the type to pull jokes. Fuck. They’d just – shit, fuck, _fuck_. This wasn’t right.   
  
Meets the other’s gaze and looks away immediately, can feel the bile starting to rise and clamps his lips together, then turns, shoes echoing loudly across the deck in a run.   
  
Zoro hisses. “Shit.”

*

“Um. Oi... Shithead.”  
  
Zoro instantly tenses at the other’s voice. It’s the first sentence any of them have exchanged since The Incident.   
  
“What.”  
  
A scowl. “Dinner, you ungrateful asshole.”  
  
“Not hungry.”  
  
Sanji boots the idiot in the side. Zoro “Gargh!”s, then finally whirls around to glare. “I said I wasn’t hungry, bastard! Which part of that sentence don’t you comprehend?!”  
  
“It’s which part of your brain I don’t get, dumbass. Starving yourself for three days doesn’t make efficient training. And Luffy’s been whining about your missing presence during mealtimes.”  
  
“Che. I’ve lasted longer than this.” Zoro turns back, resumes lifting his weights. “Go the fuck away.”  
  
There’s a sudden loud, rumbling sound, and Zoro begins clanking his weights faster. Sanji smirks, and doesn’t move except to switch his balance to the other foot.   
  
Ten seconds later Zoro gives. “Fuck you.”   
  
Sanji holds out the plate. Zoro starts stuffing his face.  
  
“…Oi.”  
  
“Grm?”  
  
“…” Sanji switches his gaze to the ocean, smoking quietly. “…Next time, try not to be so damn blatant, eh? Stupid asshole.”  
  
It’s only after the blond has disappeared back into the galley that Zoro realizes he wasn’t talking about his stomach growling.


	14. Excuses (G) Sanji/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Crush  
> Pairing: Usopp x Sanji, hinting at Usopp x Kaya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April 25th, 2006

Usopp actually gave pretty reasonable explanations when he wasn’t lying.   
  
“I-it’s blond. Like hers. Sort of. I-I just… um. It was unconscious? S-sorry?”  
  
The sniper looked truly terrified where he remained mashed against the far wall. Sanji rolled his eyes, decided murdering the other would be too messy, especially this close to lunchtime, and resumed his work on the stove. “Dumbass. You scared me for a moment, running your hands through my hair like that.”  
  
“Heh heh.”  
  
Either that, or the cook was just that easy to sucker.


	15. Naivety (G) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Crush  
> Pairing: Luffy x Usopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus christ did I really submit that many entries to this fucking topic, really self?
> 
> April 26th, 2006

"Don't break any bones, you two," Zoro slurred from his spot near the mast, as Usopp and Luffy bounced past in a tangled heap of limbs, engaged in yet another of their daily scuffles. The swordsman slit an eye open, watching the groping hands and flailing legs and the way both boys were all over each other, seemingly unaware of just how close their bodies really were....   
  
Zoro shook his head, unwilling to let that thought process any further, and resettled back against the mast. They might have been seventeen, but they were complete kids at heart. This was just playtime for them, nothing more. Yep. Playtime.   
  
...  
  
He grumbled. "Stupid perverted Love Cook's getting to my brain," he muttered, before closing his eyes.

*

Luffy was getting more daring, Usopp decided, when the captain suddenly decided to flatten his full length against his, as they wrestled each other across the deck, Sanji stepping nonchalantly over them with a roll of his eyes as he made his way through with the girls' afternoon drinks.   
  
Rubber arms and legs wrapped themselves around the sniper's limbs, locking their bodies tight against each other; without any of their limbs to support them they fell to the deck as one, and Usopp wheezed as Luffy's entire weight fell atop him. Then they were rolling away again, and he was still laughing even as he started unravelling his arms from him, before bouncing free, launching himself across to the galley, daunting grin on his face for the sniper to chase him as he perched himself atop a railing.   
  
Usopp thought he saw something else other than the usual enthusiasm that came with getting a good fight in the boy's eyes, but shrugged it off and charged right back.

*

This, Luffy thought, almost gleefully, as he rolled out from under Usopp's flimsy grasp to laughingly toss the sniper back against the floor, had to be the best advantage of having such a naive character. Nobody suspected, and even if they did, the notion was too easily brushed off. A simpleton's mind had no room for love. Hn. Right.   
  
He could practically run his hands all over the other boy and brush them off as accidental, unconscious touches in the heat of excitement; Feel the strong pulse of the other's heart beneath spread fingers, just a split second before he's shoving him away again; a game, all a game - how long he could linger before pulling back and making it seem like nothing significant ever happened. Grabbing at his wrists, fumbling, pushing, laughing as fingers, both of theirs, tangle in cloth and hair and flesh. Nails biting briefly as both struggled for a hold, and inevitably one of them would trip and they'd both tumble to the deck, sprawled over each other.   
  
Luffy dropped his head to Usopp's chest with a bark of childish laughter, felt the sniper tense, then relax to laugh along with him. He took the advantage to wrap his arms around the boy, gave a brief squeeze, and grinned even wider when there was no resistance this time.  
  
Right. They'd never know.


	16. Mistaken Identity (G) Sanji/Spoiler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Wet  
> Pairing: Sanji/"Robin" *smirk*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April 28th, 2006

Sanji was a very visual person. The way he behaved around Nami or Robin, or any other attractive woman with a giant rack, actually, more than answered for that. Sanji saw, Sanji reacted, and that was how the cook's brains worked.  
  
So it really, really shouldn't have come off as much of a surprise when the blond barged into the bathroom, probably not realizing it was already occupied, took one look at who was in the shower and immediately passed out on the floor with an impressive spray of blood. The last thing the cook remembered seeing before he drifted off to Lalaland was the slender, well-toned body, slick and dripping, the gently tanned skin, and long, clever fingers lathering soap and foam into the mass of straight, thick, lush black hair that hung down to between the slope of shoulderblades.  
  
Said bather had turned around to stare at the cook lying sprawled across the floor, the pink hearts floating off his form even as he began muttering what sounded suspiciously like "Mellorine!" in his unconsciousness. It took a few seconds to comprehend, but he eventually came to the conclusion that Sanji must have somehow mistaken him for the historian, and thus, the knock-out. He rolled his eyes and returned to his bathing.  
  
It wasn't Usopp's fault that his hair stopped staying curly in the water.


	17. Water turns to Ice (PG) Usopp, Chopper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Wet  
> Pairing: Usopp/Chopper  
> AN: Not happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: It's comforting to know my awesome title-making decisions haven't matured at all

It was a blast from one of the Marine fleet that had them surrounded, that Luffy hadn’t been able to rebound in time. It’d struck Merry straight through the main deck; the resulting force had nearly taken apart the entire ship and sent everybody overboard. After that, his memory seemed to just blur into a haze of panicked shouting, gunfire, and too much frigid sea water; he vaguely remembered seeing Sanji hauling the unconscious captain up by his red vest, and Robin draped limply across Zoro’s back as Nami yelled for them to follow her, right before another hit came between them. The consequential explosion had tossed up waves so high and volatile that Usopp found himself a good fifty feet away from the original wreckage when he once more regained his bearings.   
  
He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d found Chopper. What he knew was that the little doctor had been in the ocean for too long – the freezing water, the way it had been retained in his thick coat, and the curse of the devil fruit combined had given him a crewmate that was badly stricken with hypothermia. Even now, laid out across the dry sand, wrapped in several pieces of the sniper’s dried clothing as a small fire cackled nearby, the unconscious reindeer continued to shiver uncontrollably, his breaths coming in short, weak pants, eyes tightly shut as he struggled to keep alive.  
  
Usopp, nearly naked and shivering himself, pressed his body tighter against the other’s in a desperate attempt to contribute his warmth. He was scared, alone, and he didn’t know what to do, but damn if he was going to watch his best friend die in front of him.  
  
He laughed hysterically, and found himself repeating the reindeer’s usual outbursts. “We need a doctor.”


	18. Rewind, Fast Forward, and Play (G) Luffy, Franky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: History  
> Pairing: None, but sort of Luffy x Franky I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May 6th, 2006
> 
>  
> 
> 2006 AN: Timeline for this is set after all Water7 fights have been resolved and Robin and Usopp are back in action.

Luffy had asked. Zoro had said no. Luffy said yes, and then Luffy had a swordsman.  
  
Luffy had asked. Nami had said no. Luffy said yes, and then Luffy had a navigator.  
  
Luffy had asked. Usopp had challenged him for the title of Captain. Luffy said hell no, and then Luffy had a marksman.  
  
Luffy had asked. Sanji had said no. Zeff said yes, Luffy said no, Sanji said yes, and then Luffy had a cook.  
  
Luffy hadn't asked. Chopper had stammered. Luffy told him to shut up, and then Luffy had a doctor.  
  
Luffy had no idea when he'd asked. Robin had calmly refreshed his memory. Luffy shrugged, nodded, and then Luffy had a historian.  
  
The crew watched as Luffy strode up to the cyborg who was chugging down his third bottle of cola, seemingly impervious to the approaching boy, oblivious to The Stride that signified his impending doom.  
  
Nami took a slow sip of her drink. "Five hundred Berri that Franky joins the team."  
  
"I think the outcome of this deal is pretty obvious, Navigator-san." Robin turned a page, continued reading without once looking up.  
  
The crew watched as Franky sprayed his cola all over Luffy upon hearing him ask The Question, before both began yelling and swearing colorfully at each other.  
  
"TREAT YOUR CAPTAIN WITH MORE RESPECT, IDIOT!"  
  
"I'D RATHER RUST TO DEATH AND GET MY REMAINS SMASHED, SHAVED, COMPACTED _AND_ DISINTEGRATED BEFORE I JOIN THE LIKES OF YOU!"   
  
Zoro grunted. "Our new quarters had better be bigger. Gettin' way too crowded these days."  
  
Sanji rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you're complaining about, Marimo, considering he'd easily be able to construct an extension of the room in under a couple hours."  
  
They watched as Luffy Gomu-Gomu-no-Pistoled Franky, then leapt back with a howl of pain as his other hand clutched at tender, throbbing knuckles. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?"  
  
"I'M A CYBORG! HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO REPEAT THAT?!"  
  
Usopp scratched at his nose. "Let me know when Luffy finally starts psyching Franky into joining?"  
  
"Don't forget the part where Luffy'll tell him he's not interested in his tragic past," Zoro said. "Always interesting to see the looks on their faces, that."  
  
"Yeah."


	19. Nature at its Best (PG) Zoro, Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Flowers  
> Pairing: It has Sanji and Zoro, but I wouldn't term this as a pairing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May 22nd, 2006

Sanji pursed his lips. Shifted his weight to the other leg twice. Then inhaled deeply, bent over, and made sure he wasn’t just imagining things.  
  
There was a flower in Zoro’s hair.  
  
Not placed there. _Growing._ A slight breeze tousled the grass – not moss – on the sleeping swordsman’s head, ruffling the little fair petals gently. The cook was still trying to piece his brain back together when another bud poked its snowy head out from between the green blades and started blooming. Then another, just above the pierced ear. Another one near his temple. And another and another and another, until Sanji was staring at a thick, lush landscape of purest white.   
  
“Out of my face, shitty cook, you’re blocking my sun.” A single eye had cracked open to glare at him, Zoro’s tone low and slurred.  
  
Sanji merely pointed to the top of his head.  
  
Zoro raised an eyebrow before rolling his eyes skyward. “Oh,” was all he said, as though sprouting a bouquet on his head was natural, and he got up and lumbered off to the bathroom, sleepily scratching his ass as he went.   
  
When he got back the flowers were gone and his green moss was shaved a little shorter than normal. Zoro sat himself back down near the mast and started snoring.  
  
Sanji watched, the muscles below his eye twitching sporadically, as a tiny, ash-soft flower began unfurling from above the swordsman’s forehead. Within seconds, Zoro’s head was completely white once more.  
  
“…you better not start pollinating, you fucker.”


	20. Lunch had been the Usual, Until (PG) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Revenge   
> Pairing: Nakamashippy, Gen. Ish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> June 3rd, 2006

It took all but two seconds for Luffy to hook both thumbs into the belt loops of Sanji’s slacks, and yank down.   
  
There had no warning for this; no preceding “Nee hee~!” that usually signaled the onset of a random Luffy attack – Sanji shrieked a rather unmanly-sounding scream and grappled to get his pants back up around his waist while the rest of the table guffawed and tried not to choke on lunch. Nami and Robin had a very poor attempt of a straight face on, if only for the sake of the cook’s dignity; the pale pink boxers, with their little rainbow-sprinkle doughnuts and chocolate éclairs were rather… well.   
  
Lunch sort of descended into chaos right then and there. It was Luffy’s turn to scream, shrieking with glee as the cook roared and chased him from the galley with the spork he’d been handling the salad with; Usopp ran out right after, Chopper on his shoulders, hollering for Luffy to “DO IT AGAIN, OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE HIS FACE?!” while Zoro staggered out, too drunk on the rare, genuinely hearty roars that now burst free from him, and he reached out and deftly unsnapped the hooks to the sniper’s overalls in one quick swipe.  
  
At the end of thirty-five minutes everyone had managed to get partially undressed at least six times each, even the archaeologist. They collapsed in a heap on deck, laughing too hard to stop. Random stripping shouldn’t have been this funny.   
  
“You ruined lunch, you idiot,” Sanji gasped at his captain, wheezing too hard to reach down and readjust his pants to a more decent level.  
  
“No.” Robin, equally breathless, bra straps hanging loose, gave a lilting laugh under him. “Best lunch I’ve had in ages.”  
  
“Agreed,” Zoro panted.   
  
Luffy grinned. “Nee hee~!” 


	21. Exoneration (G) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Edge  
> Pairing: LuffyUsopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> June 15th, 2006
> 
> 2006 A/n: Post-Water7 speculation, angst. Sort of.

Smiling hurts like a blade, Usopp realizes, when he tries to grin at his captain like he’s always done and finds himself unable to utilize the face muscles required. What comes out instead is a sort of twitch and a hurried dart of eyes to the side before he settles for a nervous wave at the floorboards. Then he quickly makes his way to the aft for some alone time.  
  
Like he would have gotten it, being with this crew. Luffy follows him, but stops some feet away from where he’s hunched over on his elbows at the railing, staring down into the churning froth of dirty milk white below as the ship surges onward.  
  
“I’ve forgiven you, you know,” Luffy says, quietly.  
  
_But I haven’t._ His hands grit into tight fists. _I can’t. I don’t know how to._ He thought he’d gotten over it, but spending a night in foreign territory, waking up to a ceiling he doesn’t recognize, the loss of a familiar, inexistent heartbeat pulsing through the wood beneath his feet as he walks about the alien ship, the feelings are coming back. He’s lost, he’s angry, he’s confused; he wants to smash something, anything, fist the walls to get rid of the inexplicable rage that’s boiling, bursting to get out of him.  
  
He knows it’ll be a few days more before he gets accustomed to the ship, but right now he’s a muddle of volatile emotions and he can’t do anything stupid, because he never wants to see his captain cry again, knowing he’s hurt someone else, never wants to relive that empty crucifixtion of being alone.  
  
Then Luffy steps forward, wraps both arms around him and murmurs, mouth twisting upwards bitterly, “I’ll wait for you to.”  
  
Smiling, Usopp corrects himself, hurts like a double-edged blade.


	22. Meishi (PG) Sanji/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Edge  
> Pairing: SanjiUsopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> June 19th, 2006

“I’m going to die.” Usopp was pale, gasping, clutching desperately at the site of the wound where it was bleeding profusely. “I’m going to bleed to death, and I’m going to die – never get to see Kaya again – Dad – goodbye, Going Merry, goodbye, world – “  
  
“And you can shut the hell up before you say goodbye to being in this kitchen.” Sanji was dicing the carrots a little faster than normal now, turning around to give an exasperated glare at where the sniper lay sprawled on the floor, gripping at his wrist where he’d accidentally pricked his thumb on the sharp edge of an eggshell. “I did tell you to be careful while cracking the shells – gek!”   
  
There was the sound of a chopping knife being hastily put down and hissed curses under the cook’s breath as he held his hand to his face, eyes critically scanning the flesh for damage.  
  
“You cut yourself.” Usopp’s eyebrows were raised. “That’s a first.”  
  
“Your fault,” Sanji grumbled, wiping off a smudge of red on his apron before rummaging around with his good hand for a band-aid. “It’s been ages since I’ve slipped up.” He located one and stripped off the backing paper with his teeth, then tacked the plaster carefully around the shallow cut.   
  
The blond was halfway back to his workstation when he paused, turning to rummage in the drawers some more. He flicked another small rectangular strip at the sniper. “Put that on. I don’t need blood in my omelet.”   
  
“Heh.” Usopp snagged the fluttering paper out of the air, tore it open, wrapped the little plastic strip around his now-not-bleeding-so-profusely wound.   
  
Sanji resumed his work on the carrots, and Usopp still had fourteen eggs left to crack. The making of the day’s lunch continued as usual.


	23. Untitled-41(PG) Sanji/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Dexterity  
> Pairing: Sanji/Usopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> June 24th, 2006

Out of the corner of his eye, Usopp saw the cook slip.  
  
At least, he _thought_ he saw the cook slip, because even as Sanji fell backwards, balance thrown inescapably off as he teetered on the edge of the heel of his right shoe, he managed to twist his torso around in midair, like wringing a sponge in half, rooted the tips of his fingers into the deck and lashed out whip-like feet at his opponents, catching both upside the chin and rocketing them a good thirty feet straight up into the air.  
  
Seven others took their place, and Sanji swiveled rapidly on his hands, legs slicing through the air, a smooth solid blur of liquid ebony whirling about with all the destructive grace of a cyclone. Seven quickly dwindled back to zero.   
  
“Duck,” Sanji said without warning, and aimed a foot straight for the sniper’s head.  
  
Usopp screamed and barely flung himself sideways just as Sanji’s leg blustered through the spot he’d been standing in – there was a painful _crack_ as the flat of his shoe met facial features and the last enemy pirate didn’t even have time to stagger back from the blow – just hit the deck with a thud of bloody face on wood. He stayed down.  
  
A couple strands of the sniper’s hair suddenly divided themselves at the ends.  
  
Sanji righted himself effortlessly, flipping back his fringe with a subtle toss of his head. “Whoops,” he said, briefly fingering the split locks of Usopp’s hair, “sorry. Move faster next time.”  
  
And he strode away to finish up cooking lunch, hands in his pockets, suit barely rumpled, perfectly composed as he disappeared into the galley.   
  
“…” Usopp tore off his bandana, raked his fingers through his hair, face reddening. “… _damn_.”  
  
He started getting rid of the bodies.


	24. Owned (G) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Dexterity  
> Pairing: The boys doing Nakamaship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> June 24th, 2006
> 
> 2006 AN: ...I-I read somewhere that Sanji was terrified of spiders. ;__; During the Jaya arc?

“OH MY GODDD!!” screamed Sanji, hysterical, scrambling frantically over the cushions as though someone had set his ass on fire, “GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT, GET IT OUTTT!!!”   
  
“SHUT UP!!” Zoro roared back, worked up at the way the cook had been shrieking nonstop since he realized there had been a spider on his suit, flailed to get it off, then started flailing some more when it got lost among the brown of the floor and realized that it could be crawling ANYWHERE. “Just shut the hell up! I can’t think with all that shit you’re making!”  
  
Sanji obediently shrilled. Zoro chucked one of his heavier weights at him and carried on squinting at the floor, Luffy and Chopper overturning laundry left and right as they searched the quarters.   
  
Usopp remained seated at the little table, hands behind his head, obliviously chewing on a blob of gum.  
  
“Oi, Longnose!” Zoro barked at him. “Get off your ass and help search.”   
  
Usopp sighed. He tugged a lens over one eye, scanned the room for a bit while the rest continued mucking about in the background.  
  
“Freeze for a while, everyone,” he droned, and casually shot the wad of gum from his mouth at where Luffy hung dangling from the hammocks. The pink candy landed with a wet _thwup!_ on the metal bars suspending them.  
  
Everyone stared as Luffy scooted closer, then crowed triumphantly. “Cooooool! Usopp, you hit the spider!”   
  
Chopper’s jaw dropped, along with Zoro’s and Sanji’s. “ _REALLY_?”  
  
Luffy peeled the wad off the metal, displaying the trapped arachnid in it to his stunned crewmates. Then popped the gum into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. “Hm. Not too bad.”  
  
“SPIT THAT OUT!” Sanji roared, horrified.  
  
Usopp clasped his hands behind his head, smirking, and numbed himself to the resulting commotion.   
  



	25. Mind's World (T) Sanji-centric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: AU / AR  
> Pairing: Sanji-centric.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 4th, 2006
> 
> 2006 AN: Rating: PG-15 for... disturbing? Actually, more like C for CRAP. I was very oddly woozy when I wrote this. Um.

When he reopened his eyes he was floating vertically upside-down, submerged in a tepid fluid that hummed with so much warmth and life, he barely felt it until he realized he was looking through a screen of pale, lifeless blue. Recollections of a graying blond in a chef’s suit, a child in a straw hat, women with heads of fire and ice and feather-soft coal flitted through his hazy memory while various seafaring creatures slipped in and out of his memories, like eels through coral.  
  
A voice sounded somewhere behind him. He turned and found himself drifting amidst the stars, screaming and struggling and drowning in the ocean of space while numerous ships with rooster combs and striped wings of wood and leaves sailed by. And then the sun exploded, streaking dying fingers of rusty blood across the heavens, and the ships started sinking, halting abruptly as though beached before disappearing in a swirl of crimson sand.   
  
Then he was standing on a railroad, except that it wasn’t a railroad, just a thick brown line stretching on through the darkness, and he kept walking down the railroad until the darkness gave way to a green face that took up the expanse of an entire plane. Its mouth opened and it screamed at him, but he was deaf and the intensity of its words had no effect. So it snarled at him and split into two as though cut in half, but there was no blood.   
  
There was a man lying on the ground, and a horse with horns and a saddle stood eating from the bush that sprouted from his nose. The man turned bloodshot eyes to him and  
  
And he found himself staring at the ceiling of the Going Merry.   
  
“…” Sanji palmed his face. “Fucking hate cryptic nightmares.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: 2006 me did /not/ understand the meaning nor concept of an alternate reality / universe. Re-read this again, and I still have no idea what in holy hell I was on when I wrote this.


	26. Promises (PG) Ace, Luffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: AU/AR  
> Pairing: Ace/Luffy brothership

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 4th, 2006
> 
> Warning: Character death, though not of those mentioned in the pairing, and angst. Dark.

Luffy hadn’t been present that evening, when Shanks’ crew had floated his body out to sea. He’d stayed home that terrible day, huddled in a corner of his room while clutching the deceased captain’s straw hat to his chest, the front of his shirt soaked with tears while his eyes burned in dry agony. Ace wouldn’t stop banging on the door.   
  
I’ll get a crew better than yours, Luffy whispered into the thatched straw. I’ll have the best nakama in the world. Find the One Piece. Become the Pirate King. I don’t know how else I can repay you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m _sorry_ …  
  
Ten years later, the world learns of one man named Monkey D. Luffy, the hundred million Berri bounty rubber man who’s proclaimed himself the future pirate king. He has with him six loyal and trustworthy crewmates, nakama who’d give their lives for him in an instant, a family he loves and who loves him back in return. They’ve changed lives all over the Grand Line, worked miracles, opened peoples’ eyes.  
  
The boy in the straw hat laughs as he hangs upside-down from the figurehead, the others cheering with him as they speed off to a new island, a new adventure.  
  
Watch me, Shanks, Luffy whispers into the wind, grinning.  
  
Watch me. 

*  
  
“He’s just found his seventh crewmember,” Makino says softly.   
  
She and Ace watch as the younger teen smiles and giggles to himself while he rolls from wall to wall, bound, before he topples over to fall against the padded floor. For a few moments, Luffy’s eyes grow wide, then unfocused, and then he abruptly falls asleep.   
  
With his eyes closed he looks almost normal again. Almost.   
  
Ace tips his hat down. “Thank you, Makino-san.” His voice is hoarse.   
  
She gives him a broken smile.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006 A/N: Shanks died of bloodloss. I just... didn't have the space to put that in. >>;


	27. Back in the Old Days (PG) Zeff, Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Zeff/Sanji  
> Topic: Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First person narrative.

Back when I was ten, the elders never had any problems with this rubbish. If they asked a question, you always had to reply courteously, nod respectfully, listen to their words of wisdom with humble earnest. If they gave an order it was followed, without a backward glance or a complaint, to the fullest of the respective individual’s potential. There were never any arguments nor disputes over whether an issue was fair or not, no demands for an explanation, and most certainly no fighting over the subject – just mere obedience for those who were more senior.  
  
“I can cook better than those shitty chefs you hired,” the eggplant insists angrily, with a stomp of his foot that further emphasizes the petulant little brat he is, complete with contemptuous scowl and the jab of a forefinger as he pokes at their direction. Said chefs shoot withering glares at him, and I can practically watch as their stares glance off the aura of self-righteous spite surrounding the boy.   
  
He gestures with an impatient wave at the pile of unwashed dishes in the sink, a job he's held for the past two hours, thirty days and three months. “Why the hell do I still need to do dishes? I served people back on the Orbit – I know at least a hundred or more recipes by heart – I’m old enough – I’m not scared of fire and I don’t burn the food – _and_ I’ll make a better cook than those shitty old men ever will be!”   
  
I kick him in the head. The eggplant lands with a crash in the shelves of crockery opposite the room.   
  
“Watch your attitude, chibi-nasu.”  
  
“Don’t call me that, shitty old geezer!” He roars and launches a clumsy, poorly-copied kick at my shin.   
  
I sincerely fear for his generation. 


	28. Dumbassery (PG) Ace, Luffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Youth  
> Pairing: Ace/Luffy brothership

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 17th, 2006

"FIRE IN THE HOOOOOOLE!!" Ace roared, both index fingers aflame, and kancho'ed Luffy straight up the ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: I was a very mature kid. 
> 
> Such funny much wow
> 
>  
> 
> What a kancho is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kancho


	29. Sanji fails at life (PG) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Territory  
> Pairing: Boys doing nakamaship... sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 23rd, 2006

The chalk squeaked in protest as Sanji burned a long, dividing line with it, right across the space of floorboard where the galley table ended and the cobble-stoned area of stove and cabinets began. Incomprehensive, the other four boys merely blinked at the chef in question.  
  
“Cross this line while these are cooling,” the blond scowled, discarding the stub of chalk to wave a rolling pin at a tray of freshly-baked cookies on the counter, “and you will _burn in hell._ ”  
  
“Ooh, a rolling pin, how scary.” Zoro shuddered.  
  
“Any other questions?” Sanji asked coolly, some time later, while Zoro remained hunched in a corner with both hands over the smoking bump on his head.  
  
Usopp raised a timid hand. “You’ve mapped out your space – do we get to mark ours?”  
  
The chef blinked. “I guess, yeah, sure.”  
  
“Cool.” The sharpshooter ran out, came back with a hula-hoop. The others watched as Usopp dropped the item onto the floor, hopped inside the miniscule boundary.   
  
“…that’s not a lot of space,” Luffy remarked diligently.   
  
“It’s enough.” Without batting an eyelid, Usopp bent over, pulled the hoop up to waist level, and nimbly skipped over to the counter.   
  
Sanji sprayed his cigarette. “Oi! Get out of there!”  
  
“Still inside my boundary,” Usopp pointed out, grinning, and boldly snagged a cookie. He fled the vicinity before Sanji could react, and by the time the cook had turned around the cookies were gone, Luffy was doing an impressive imitation of a stockpiling hamster, and both Chopper and Zoro had crumb stubble.   
  
“HOT!” Luffy screeched, some moments of stunned silence later, spattering them all with warm, half-eaten cookie mush and melted chocolate chip flecks.  
  
Sanji slumped bonelessly against the cabinets, gingerly salvaging a broken bit of unconsumed cookie off the floor, and ate in defeat.


	30. Incomprehensiveness and Sexual Perversion should Never Have Babies (T) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Rock (just barely as well)  
> Pairing: Boy nakamaship minus Chopper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 27th, 2006
> 
> 2016 AN: Did I SERIOUSLY write this

Zoro stared. A tiny little bead of sweat made its existence on his forehead, started traversing the sharp angles of his face before dropping off to retire from the point of his chin.  
  
"Hurry up, Zorooo!" Luffy whined, slapping his feet on the floor impatiently while the swordsman made stuttering noises in his throat and continued to gawk unblinkingly.  
  
"Yeah, don't think too long, shithead," Sanji drawled from where he was sprawled on a beanbag behind Luffy, the first three buttons on his shirt undone, arms behind his head, legs falling haphazardly wide. "Might overheat your brains."  
  
Zoro ignored the chef's jab at his intelligence, brow wrinkling furiously. This was... this was impossible. Insane. How the hell was he supposed to -   
  
"Annnnnnnnd begin!" Usopp hollered unecessarily from the sidelines, jerking him from his reverie, and the sniper slammed the miniature sand hourglass into the floor. Pale Alabastian sand began sifting, trickling, pooling in the base of the capsule to the first quarter mark.  
  
Zoro remained motionless.   
  
"Oi, asshole," Sanji growled, sitting up now, shirt sliding further down his shoulders as he glanced worriedly at the glass, "hurry the hell up!"  
  
"Silence!" Luffy shouted, furious.   
  
"Stunned!" Usopp roared.   
  
"Dumb!"  
  
"The two of you, shut up, and you'd better start moving, algae-head."  
  
 _Fine!_ Zoro snapped inwardly, and he moved a hand to the front of his crotch and started making lewd motions with it.   
  
There were five seconds of stupefication before Luffy slapped his knee and yelled, "HARD!"   
  
Zoro nodded harshly, but moved his hand faster.   
  
"...R-ROCK!" Usopp shrieked.   
  
"Fuck yes!" Zoro tossed down the cue card he was holding, raked fingers through his hair in exasperation.   
  
"..." Sanji rubbed his temples. "Everyone, we're never letting Zoro play Charades again. _Ever._ Fucking perv."


	31. To Each Other (PG) Zoro/Luffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Rock  
> Pairing: Zoro/Luffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 2nd, 2006

He was six when one of the elders of the village had passed away. Luffy had fidgeted impatiently during the funeral procession, not quite comprehending the need to stay so still nor the seriousness of the situation.   
  
“He died protecting his grandchild from a wild wolf.” Ace’s voice was devoid of his usual humor, and he’d given his brother a sad little grin. “It was a good way to go, though.”   
  
Luffy was seated next to the bed where Zoro was lying on his stomach, torso white with bandages. He’d stepped in front of his captain mere seconds before the Marines opened fire on them, somehow knowing Luffy would believe that the shots would rebound, and that there wasn’t enough time for him to deflect the bullets with swords. When the crew had gotten safely away and Chopper had rolled the swordsman over to check the damage, he found not gunshot wounds, but millions of seastone shrapnel embedded within the bloody, lacerated flesh.   
  
He’d lost a fair amount of blood, but the injury wasn’t exactly life-threatening for a normal human like him. Zoro’s eyes seemed riveted on a nick in the wall opposite, expression calm as he inhaled deep and slow. They’d been alone together in the cabin for nearly half an hour now, yet neither had breathed a single word.   
  
It was Luffy who broke the unsettling silence. “Don’t go, Zoro,” he whispered at last, head lowered, voice hoarse.   
  
Zoro sounded vaguely confused. “Not going anywhere.” Then he added, somewhat amusedly, “Can’t.”  
  
“You’re only going after you’ve realized your dream.” The hat shadowed his features. “Not before and not because you were protecting mine.”  
  
“Idiot,” Zoro said, pleasantly, after a bit of thinking, and shortly began snoring.   
  
Luffy stayed awake, watching him sleep, watching him breathe. Watching him live.


	32. Big Fat Fucking NO (T) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Shichibukai   
> Pairing: Luffy/Usopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 4th, 2006
> 
> 2006 AN: Possible spoilers for recent chapters. Set after everything has gone back to normal. ...sort of.

Usopp couldn't have been more weirded out if he'd seen the shichibukai dancing in womens' lingerie.   
  
"Yo, Usopp!" Luffy cooed at him, giggling in a pitch that was far higher than Usopp would have prefered. He made no move to cover the bits of him that were indecently presented.  
  
"W-W-WHAT THE _HELL_ ARE YOU DOING?!" the sniper screeched, entirely at a loss for words as he flew back in a flurry of flailing limbs and tried to gouge out his own eyes from the sheer horror of the situation. He stabbed a forefinger in his laughing captain's direction. "THAT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE, EVEN IF YOU'RE RUBBER - THAT IS LIKE - THE WEIRDEST _SHIT_ I'VE EVER SEEN, IN MY ENTIRE - "  
  
" - but it's funnnnnn!" came the petulant whine, and it had to be his imagination, or Luffy's voice really did rise several octaves higher. "C'mon, try it!"  
  
"MY BODY DOESN'T WORK THE WAY YOURS DOES. AND EVEN IF IT DID, A BIG, FAT, OVERWEIGHT 'NO'. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU GOT THE HELIUM FROM."  
  
Luffy pouted at him, eyes narrowed. "Fine. I'll just play with myself" - and oh god but that sounded so terribly wrong - "and maybe I'll go see if I can beat Sanji in getting higher later."  
  
And Usopp could do nothing but watch in complete and utter mortification as Luffy inflated himself _there_ , and started twisting the organ into a balloon rabbit. His right leg, left ear, and third left toe already sported several unrecognisable balloon creatures, bobbing and quivering in place with each of the boy's movements.  
  
Whoever taught Luffy how to bastardize Gear Three needed to die, fast, painfully, and soon.


	33. Chopperman to the Rescue (G) Chopper, Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Where the Emergency Food Supply Saves the Day, and Not in the Way You Think He Did or Chopperman to the Rescue
> 
> Topic: Time  
> Pairing: Chopper/Sanji or Nakamaship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 11th, 2006

_Five days are nothing,_ he tells them, smiling calmly while his hands work on chopping up dwindling vegetables and stirring thin porridge in a pot that is more water than rice. He's done everything he can to make the food last while staying as nutritional as possible; at this rate, they'll have enough to go on for another week before they run out completely.  
  
 _Yourself, idiot,_ Usopp says later, and the others don't touch their plates. Not even Luffy, though that's mostly Nami restraining him by tying his hands behind his back and gagging him with his sandals. _You haven't eaten._  
  
 _Five days are nothing._ He waves off the concern with his cigarette, and threatens them to eat before he sets it all on fire, and then they'd _really_ start starving.   
  
Chopper finds him curled over the galley table later, and the others watch from the porthole as the reindeer forces gastric pills down his throat, tries to make him actually eat something. But Sanji strongly rejects any offer of food.   
  
_I can handle starvation better than you idiots can,_ he argues, while the doctor pins him down in Heavy Point.   
  
_Which is why you'll die faster, because a human body can only go through so much,_ Chopper snarls back. _There's enough for all, and we're not losing the only cook we have on board._   
  
Sanji relaxes somewhat at that, already too weak to put up much of a struggle, and he passes out in the doctor's arms. But he smirks gratefully at the reindeer before doing so, and then the others watch as Chopper bodily drops the cook to twirl ecstatically around the galley, because the asshole being thankful doesn't make him happy at _all_ , dammit.


	34. Glacial (G) Chopper-centric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> topic: Cold/Winter
> 
> A/N: It's fluff. Trust me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 17th, 2006

He didn’t know where he was, but it wasn’t far enough. There was still snow and ice and winter all around, and he could still see the stares, hear the jeering, feel the stone-throwing. He left a long, stumbling trail of bright crimson through the barren white landscape, blood seeping from various wounds faster than nature could crust over.   
  
He tripped eventually, tumbling through the crumbling snow as he rolled swiftly downhill; until he hit its base and shuddered painfully from the impact before going still, lying in a pink blossom of his own grief. It figured he would die alone, forgotten, unwanted like the outcast he was. The tear froze over even before it left his eye, but his lungs continued to pull in deep, tremulous breaths, his heart refusing to stop pumping even as his vision glazed over.  
  
 _Let me die_ , he whispered into the frozen earth. _Please._  
  
Two hazy figures blurred out of the howling mist. He couldn’t move. _If they’re here to kill me, I hope it’s fast_ , he thought, before one of them stooped down and laid hands of fire upon his heart that melted him straight through to his core.   
  
He began sobbing uncontrollably, tears flowing hot and fast. The first figure smiled kindly down on him, even as the second scooped his fallen form into their arms, and he let them smother him in their hugs. By the time he’d finished his wounds had healed, and Chopper drifted off into the welcoming warmth with a smile.

*  
  
Sanji took four steps down the ladder, spotted something, and froze.  
  
Usopp touched a swift finger to his lips. _Nightmare_ , he mouthed at the cook, before quickly wrapping his arms back around where a snoring Luffy had a peacefully slumbering little reindeer cradled carefully against their chests.


	35. Men Overboard (PG) Luffy/Usopp/Chopper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Exhaustion  
> Pairing: Mainly Usopp/Luffy/Chopper, but if you squint, Zoro/Luffy and Sanji/Usopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 25th, 2006

Wave after volatile wave kept forcing him down, back into bone-numbing cold; Still, Usopp kept struggling back to the surface, blinking the salt and rain from his eyes as he forced his tired limbs to keep threading vigorously; continuously checking that the two dead weights in his grasp hadn't silently slipped back under the churn of black water.   
  
Luffy's head lolled about on his chest with disturbing flexibility, arms draped limply around the sniper's neck. Chopper might as well have been a soggy mop of sea cucumber for his utter lack of mobility and response. The hands of the sea never stopped clawing at their ankles, screaming in fury as they failed to claim the lives of the Sinners.   
  
_They'll come for us after they've finished off the Marines_ , Usopp thought, for the umpteenth time in what seemed forever, _they'll have noticed us gone. They'll come soon._  
  
But the Merry only emerged from the shadows after what seemed like several hours. Usopp let Zoro and Sanji drag him and his passengers onboard, after which he could only slump in a corner, his stomach twisted cold.  
  
“They're not breathing,” he stated.  
  
Zoro tore off Luffy's vest, began fiercely pumping his ribcage. Futile minutes later, he tilted Luffy's head back, willed air into his lungs. The captain's eyes flew open, and he vomited seawater all over the swordsman's hands, gasping raggedly.   
  
Some feet away Chopper began choking, crying like a frightened newborn. The two were bundled in thick towels and quickly whisked below deck, out of the storm.   
  
Usopp remained staring out over the sea, shaking wordlessly.   
  
“Oi...” Sanji began, crouching next to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It's okay.”  
  
Usopp covered his face with his hands. “Oh god, oh god _oh god._ ”   
  
And he started crying.


	36. Better Safe then Sorry. No, Really. (PG-15) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Exhaustion (barely.)  
> Pairing: Luffy/Usopp + Chopper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> August 29th, 2006

"Oh god, Luffyyyy," came a distinctively Usopp-ish wail, panting and wanton from within the galley where Sanji had exited nearly a hour ago, "I can't take it anymorrrre...!"  
  
Chopper froze with one hoof over the door handle.   
  
He was just going in to grab the textbook he'd left on the table, that was all; he really hadn't planned on hearing anything, and it _must_ have been his mind playing tricks on him because dammit he was certain Luffy wasn't even sexually active yet much less mature in that area and Usopp wasn't gay the last time he'd checked but that wail had bordered on sounding almost orgasmic and it was all very, very wrong and -   
  
\- and Luffy chose that moment to gasp out the sniper's name, and there was something that sounded like a table banging against the wood. Chopper scrunched his eyes shut.   
  
_It's probably just one of those stupid situations where you_ think _someone's going at it, but really they're not, because you're just a huge, horny closet pervert mishearing everything like that so that means Luffy and Usopp probably_ aren't _going at it and I really_ am _just a huge, hor - wait, I_ do _have horns – djrhgdj -_  
  
"I am going! To get! My! TEXTBOOK!" Chopper shrieked, and slammed the door open.  
  
Luffy blinked.   
  
Usopp screamed.   
  
Chopper went completely white.  
  
"OhmygodC-C-Chopperwhatareyoudoingher - i-i-it's not what - we weren't - L-Luffy, say somethi - "  
  
"Do you mind?" Luffy's face was blank, his hands still gripping the sniper's bare hips. "We're kinda busy here."  
  
"LUFFY! You are NOT supposed to affirm the fact that we _were_... Chopper? You're tilting sidew - Chopper?! OI! DON'T DIE ON US!"  
  
"...He could have at _least_ remembered to close the door," Luffy mused, sulking, before resuming the task at hand.


	37. Sleep (PG) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Off like a cowboy flying from a failed rodeo.  
> Pairing: Luffy/Usopp. BIG SURPRISE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006 A/N: Spoilers for Water 7 and latest chapters I guess?? Also, SICKENING, POINTLESS FLUFF LIKE URGH. I never liked writing pointless stuff but eh. This had to come out somewhere. Also, I really, really want Merry's head salvaged so it can be fitted onto the new ship. ;__;

When Luffy woke up, the sniper was alone with him, with an unsteady candle shivering in the corner, casting flickering shadows across concerned gazes and widened eyes. He tried to talk, but a hand slid over his mouth, and the sniper shook his head.  
  
He looked terrified. The smile was too wide, eyes unblinking, the hand of a coward too steady across his face.   
  
Usopp took several shaky breaths before speaking. “Ten days.”  
  
Luffy remained gazing at the ceiling.   
  
“Zoro had insomnia.” The sniper giggled, unsteadily. “It was hilarious, you should have seen him. Eyes like a panda for… well, until now, still. Actually, none of us slept.”   
  
The hand slipped off then, fisted atop the sheets covering his bandaged form.   
  
“You stupid idiot, you almost died.”   
  
“So did you,” Luffy replied.  
  
“When they got you down from the tower, your heart wasn’t beating. You _were_ dead, you stupid asshole. It’s a miracle Chopper even managed to get it working again. Whatever blood had been in you was all over the walls.”  
  
Luffy sighed.  
  
“I’m cold,” he murmured, after a while.  
  
Wordlessly, the sniper pulled himself into the bed alongside. Bandages shifted and scraped softly against each other, reminders of their battles fought and won as Usopp wrapped his limbs around the captain’s much more battered form. Luffy slung his own arms around the other.   
  
Usopp’s forehead was blessed ice against his feverish cheek.   
  
“Aren’t you, like…” - his tongue felt thick in his mouth - “supposed to tell the others that I’ve woken up?”  
  
“They can wait,” came the childish retort, and something wet seeped through the bandages around his shoulder. Usopp didn’t raise his head.   
  
“…but I want meat.”  
  
“And I want my freaking shut-eye. Go back to sleep, stupid captain.”   
  
“Meanie.”  
  
Luffy closed his eyes.


	38. Do Not Pass Go (PG) Sanji/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Women  
> Pairing: Usopp/Sanji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September 3rd, 2006

He had to admit that as much as the other denied it, Usopp did look kind of feminine. He had longer eyelashes than Nami-san did. He had a slim build, hips slightly larger than his tanned shoulders. And his _hair_ \- all untamed gorgeous loose curls any woman would kill for.  
  
Nevertheless, Usopp had always registered rather strongly on his male radar. At least up till now.  
  
“Come _on_ , Sanji-kun.” Usopp swatted him across the head with his paper fan and made a great deal out of tossing his stylized locks and jutting his hips, the slit of the sapphire dress he was wearing traveling even higher, into dangerous territory. “Be more confident. And stop looking _there_ \- pretend you have more interest in her than for her spherical assets.”  
  
'I _have a girl back home._ ' The sniper had puffed out his chest, proudly, prominent nose high in the air. ' _I can tell you how to_ get _one – and_ keep _one._ ' And Sanji hadn’t been able to resist. The A-Hot-Girl-In-A-Blue-Dress-Comes-Up-To-You-What-Do-You-Do Test really hadn’t been necessary, though. He had a feeling he was going to flunk Usopp’s Chick Pick-Up Tips: Lesson One.  
  
“Let’s try this again.”   
  
Usopp began _strutting_ purposefully down towards him, layered dress hems swaying softly with every stride, hair flouncing, shoulders angling in the elegantly jerky way only professional cat walkers could pull off. He _sauntered_ right up to the speechless cook, practically dumped himself into his lap, slung a slim arm around his neck and gusted hot breath into his ear.   
  
_“Hey, stud.”_ The words rolled out low, dark and dusky, like lingering nicotine swirls in a smoky pub.   
  
_Usopp is a guy Usopp is a guy Usopp is a guy Usopp -_   
  
“U-u-uh, I-I-I – I m-mean, h-h-hi – ”  
  
“FAIL!”  
  
  
  
 **Omake:**  
  
“There’s Nami. Remember what I taught you, Blondie Boy. Go get her.”  
  
“Right.” A deep inhale, a little swing of the arm in gusto, and Sanji stepped out from behind the mikan trees. Intent gleamed in his eyes, mouth quirked in a dark grin, his hair a little more windswept than healthily possible and an extra button undone on his crimson shirt. His lips parted.   
  
“NAMI-SWAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ”   
  
“FAIL!”


	39. It's All About Choice (T) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Women  
> Pairing: Nakamaship Implied Everyone/Everyone. XD Minus the women.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September 6th, 2006
> 
> 2006 AN: Was rifling through my old fics on my hard drive and found this. Promptly whittled 500 words down to 300. XD And nothing is supposed to make sense here. XD

"So here’s the thing," said Nami, smiling quite cheerfully, and Robin was pretending to read a book somewhere behind her, "We have women - two perfectly healthy, caring, buxom, _attractive_ women - on board this ship."  
  
"Er," said all five boys of the Going Merry in unison.   
  
"And after several months of hearing the galley table creak while Sanji-kun screams in synchronization, climbing into the crow’s nest only to find oil slathered over the floor, Luffy’s shorts and Zoro’s swords lying _quite obscurely outside the storage room_ , Usopp’s bandana - "  
  
"Oi!" Usopp slammed a hand on the floor, "The Great Captain Usopp-sama is pure! I’ve got Kaya!"  
  
"Captain Wanker," Zoro muttered.  
  
 _"You shut up! I’ve got needs, too!"_  
  
"There are _women_ on board this ship," Nami repeated, eyebrow twitching, "and all you guys ever do is screw each other senseless."  
  
Luffy frowned, blankly. "Well, we can screw you both senseless too, you know…"  
  
Sanji’s kick sent him flying into the wall.   
  
_"Don’t speak to the ladies that way!"_  
  
Zoro yawned. "Don’t see why you’re bringing this up."  
  
"Curiosity," Nami grit out. "And it’s not possible for _all_ the men on one ship to be simultaneously gay!"  
  
"We’re not gay!" Luffy yelped, scrambling back to his seat, picking wood splinters out of his rear, "It’s just, um, well…"  
  
"Convenient," Robin supplied.   
  
"Yeah," Luffy echoed firmly, assuming the Captain Stance. "Conniving."  
  
Chopper sweated. "Luffy…"   
  
"I mean, babies come from making sex, right?" the rubberman continued, unabashedly, "and I can’t get Zoro pregnant ‘cos he’s a guy."  
  
Sanji froze, whirled on the swordsman. " _Luffy_ tops you?"  
  
Zoro shrugged.  
  
"Bastard! How come _I_ never get to top?!"  
  
"Peg boy," Usopp smirked, and promptly got his nose smashed in.  
  
Luffy burst out laughing. "I’m the Captain - I top _everybody_!"  
  
 _"IDIOTS,"_ Nami screeched.


	40. Black or White (G) Sanji/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Black  
> Pairing: Sanji/Usopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: Purple proooooooooooose ahoy

"Bleach, _bleach_ , of all the things he could have swapped with the shampoo, he put _bleach_ , and Chopper isn't helping, with his medical ramble about how the toxins are going to dissolve through my scalp to my brain and start melting through my cranium - _Bleach_ , fergodsakes, I'm going to _kill_ the stupid rubber bastard when he gets his ass out of hiding - "  
  
And Usopp kept on bitching, even as Sanji patiently handed him the cup of Chamomile tea he had requested. The sniper drank furiously, dark eyes narrowed against the afternoon glow of the sun where he was leaning against the railings.   
  
He was bare from the waist up, overalls sloppily bundled about slim hips. (He claimed the residue from the "shampoo" session made his body itch.) A sea breeze blew past then, salt spray and ocean winds tumbling the other's originally black hair. Snow-white curls flared up into a brief halo, soft crescent cream locks against harsh angles of milk-chocolate tan - and for just an instant, Usopp looked completely different from the 17-year-old jovial fool that Sanji knew; an untouchable allure of dark, slender limbs and flowing hair like the wings of a thousand winter doves.

The sniper finished his tea, gave an irate sigh and rolled his eyes skyward. "Man, I hope this shit comes out soon."  
  
Sanji raised an eyebrow, but wisely said nothing.


	41. Scarlet (PG) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Black  
> Pairing: Vague Luffy/Usopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September 8th, 2006
> 
> 2006 AN: 426 is out  
> And so naturally [bananabog] starts writing about W7-centric Lu/Uso angst. AGAIN. I'm sorry. ;___; SPOILERS FOR MOST RECENT CHAPTER. Choppy writing style and sort-of angst. Not happy.
> 
> 2016 AN: MORE PURPLE PROOOOOOOOSE

Black  
  
Like the curls of his hair  
  
Black  
  
Like his laughing eyes  
  
Black  
  
Like the bastard who’d tried to kill the mistress of his village  
  
Black  
  
Like the coffee he was absolutely forbidden to drink  
  
Black   
  
Like happy nights spent curled up in the nest together  
  
Black   
  
Like the Hairdo of Power he’d used to earn his nakama back  
  
Black  
  
Like the warm secrets they shared in the dark  
  
Black  
  
Like a color of hatred he’d never seen, wasn’t supposed to see in the other’s eyes  
  
Black  
  
Like the first night he spent gazing at the stars alone  
  
Black  
  
Like when he closed his eyes and found empty nothing  
  
Black  
  
Like feral agility, as he watched spots and stripes and rings blend together, too fast for him to properly counter  
  
Black  
  
Like his vest and shorts were now, hanging heavy with blood and sweat, dragging on his body like weights, like anchors, like despair  
  
Black   
  
Like being gutted alive  
  
Black  
  
Like the blood he was choking up, that wasn’t right, blood was supposed to be red  
  
Black  
  
Like finality  
  
And someone won’t stop screaming for him.  
  
“Luffy, wake up, _wake up_ , please, oh god, wake up…”


	42. Bad Plot Devices (PG) Zoro, Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Black (jussssst barely.)  
> Pairing: Zoro, Sanji, and bonus Robin. Not really a pairing, but eh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September 10th, 2006

“Oi, shithead,” ‘Zoro’ growled at ‘Sanji’, as they poised themselves for defense against an onslaught of higher-class Marines, “you ruin my hands while fighting, and I’ll kick your shitty head off your shitty shoulders.”  
  
‘Sanji’ rolled his eyes, pupils temporarily disappearing beneath flaxen hair, into the shadow from the black bandana tied over his scalp before they refocused on the imminent battle. He growled around the white hilt clenched between his teeth, fists tightening about the other two swords he wielded. “Try not to trip while moving your skinny ass around in my body.”  
  
“Che.” ‘Zoro’ spat his cigarette over the rails, stuffed hands into pockets on a pair of slacks that were just slightly too tight, and raised a thickly muscular leg just as the first wave of opposition swept onboard.   
  
Robin watched in quiet amusement, as both boys drew swift arcs in the masses surrounding them. ‘Sanji’ spun about rapidly, sunlight glinting off glimpses of steel as he whirled and twisted and sluiced through the offensive, all liquid grace and sharp power as he sliced down his enemies, eyes burning a cool cyan. ‘Zoro’ was moving no less fluidly than his slimmer partner, somersaulting effortlessly across the deck, legs flashing out briefly, added weight and brutality behind his attacks as he all but flung himself into his foes.   
  
Then the loud rip of fabric suddenly seared through the air, and ‘Zoro’ screeched.   
  
“IDIOT,” ‘Sanji’ could be heard roaring over the din, ‘I _TOLD_ YOU YOUR PANTS WON’T FIT ME!”  
  
“JUST SHUT UP AND COVER ME, FUCK, THIS IS EMBARRASSING – ”  
  
 _“STUPID SPIRAL BASTARD – ”_  
  
“MUSCLE-HEADED ASSHOLE!”  
  
Robin chuckled, even as she Clutched an attacker creeping up on her from behind. The Body-Switch-Switch no Mi user they’d encountered last week hadn’t been such a bad thing after all.


	43. The Curse of the Yaoi Fangirls (M) Zoro/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: The Unconventional Approach  
> Pairing: Zoro/Sanji + Nami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: 2006 me thought this was funny DON'T YOU JUDGE ME

"Oi, shithead," said Sanji, "I'm horny. Could I fuck you, please?"  
  
Zoro's potato stew went down his nose. Fighting ensued soon after.  
  
"Get a room." Nami sighed, tiredly.  
  
"Wait," Zoro spluttered, “what happened to the pre-coital fight-slash-foreplay? And how come the shitty cook is instigating this? I'm the one who's supposed to be hard-up for sex all the time, AND I just finished working out before dinner. Also, that question was totally out of character, even for you. I mean, Nami's sitting right there."  
  
"Oh, don't get me wrong." Sanji held his hands up in defense. "I _like_ women. I _prefer_ women. But Nami-san and Robin-chan turn lesbian in my presence, and thus I have to find you instead, where, for some reason, I must sob into your rock-hard shoulders, and angst about the unfairness of life. We will kiss passionately, and you will fuck me hard and fast and all night long in the galley like a rabid hyena. Using my limited stock of olive oil. Because you, apparently, have been gay for my tight, white, muscular globules aka 'My Ass' since we first crossed paths at the Baratie. It was novel, initially, but it's getting boring now."   
  
"...you did not just recite all that."  
  
"But TONIGHT!" - and Sanji flipped over the table between them, landing in a crouch before the swordsman, curling slowly straight to flip golden bangs out of his eyes and reveal a pair of orange spectacles that had magically appeared, stabbing his cigarette at Zoro in fashion - "TONIGHT, I. WILL. _TOP_."  
  
Crickets chirped mournfully for a full ten seconds.  
  
"Nami-san," Sanji sobbed into the navigator's ample bust some time later, "I never win in this fandom, do I?"  
  
"Zoro," Nami called, kindly ignoring the mop of cook in her lap.  
  
"Healing comfort sex, coming right up," Zoro muttered, and began stripping.


	44. Underneath (G) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: The Unconventional Approach   
> Pairing: Luffy/Usopp (big surprise coming from me huh.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> September 19th, 2006

He was at his usual perch atop the figurehead, meditatively silent; a smudge of vermilion against the blue of sky and sea. For someone who spent any other time of the day bouncing noisily about the ship and driving its crew insane, Luffy looked nearly... natural, just sitting between the ram horns, warm, sweet breath drawing slowly in and out. When the captain grew silent it normally provoked a cause for worry, but this stillness was almost peaceful - holy, even, if one could call it that; like watching the wind rake gentle fingers over tresses of grass, and whisper that rain was coming.   
  
No one ever asked what he did up there. _Luffy,_ as Nami had mentioned to him before, _doesn't think._ But Usopp begged to differ. How else could one explain the actions behind his irrational, yet perfectly logical thoughts; the seemingly ridiculous decisions that in the end always turned out for the better? Luffy laughed at Danger, constantly roused its fire; he spat at its feet with a grin in his glare and always emerged alive. They were acts of insanity, but everything yet nothing about the boy suggested otherwise.   
  
"You're thinking agaaaaaain~" sang a sudden voice in his ear, and Usopp shrieked in surprise. Luffy laughed his carefree laugh, hand on his hat, dark eyes bright with amusement as he watched the other clutch at his hammering heart, gasping.   
  
"Idiot," - except Usopp knows he isn't - "don't _do_ that."  
  
The captain laughed again, urged him for another of his stories. By the end of five minutes, Usopp had plain forgotten what he had been mulling over.   
  
_Yes,_ he decided later, feeling quite happily warm, _this is Luffy's magic._   
  
But he left it at that, for now.


	45. Remember (G) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Song Lyrics  
> Song: 'Let It All Out' by Relient K  
> Pairing: Luffy/Usopp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: Ah yes the dreaded cringe worthy songfic, here it is
> 
> 2006 A/N: Post Water-7 fluff. STOP ME, SOMEBODY. >>

Luffy’s eyes were like a cat’s in the dim moonlight, a sudden glint in the darkness of the cabin as Usopp paused in his way across to where the captain was resting. The past hours had been exhausting for everyone – their (his, again) nakama lying strewn in various positions across the floor, the couch; all soundly asleep save for the odd snore or occasional rustle of a turning body.   
  
An arm stretched out to snuggle him close. Usopp let himself be pulled in, stumbling slightly, almost shy, shoulders hunched high with lingering guilt as they brushed against rough bandages.   
  
The warmth. He inhaled, shakily. It’d been so cold ever since… and now it felt melted, like the first rays of spring sunshine, as Luffy tugged him in silently, cupping his face between bandaged hands. Stroking the ridge of his cheekbone tenderly, as though trying to commit the touch to memory.   
  
Usopp closed his eyes. Breathed his next words like quiet wind over the hilltops.   
  
“…I’m scared.”  
  
 _Of you,_ was left unsaid. _Of me. Of what we could do – have done – to each other. If it’ll happen again. Of the pain. Of the loneliness, the hurt, the empty hollow we clawed out of ourselves. The future, Luffy, anything could happen. Anything. Do you understand that?_  
  
Luffy chuckled. The sound was a deep, comforting thrum against his ribcage where they lay nestled together, resonating throughout his entire being.  
  
“You’re _always_ scared.”  
  
He pulled the sniper closer, touched their foreheads to each other. Held the position, just breathing in; an intimate tangle of child-like arms and legs wrapped in white.   
  
“And that’s okay.”  
  
 _I’ll still love you._  
  
And Luffy gusted quiet laughing breath over his face, smile bright in the dark as the sniper reached back around to return the crushing hug.


	46. White Flag (T) Sanji-centric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Song Lyrics  
> Sing: White Flag - Dido  
> Pairing: Sanji/Baratie. Because he loves the ship and the people on it as much as Usopp loves Merry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> October 3rd, 2006
> 
> 2006 A/N: Not happy. Alternate Reality. Sort of 'what if Luffy never came?'

He kept on fighting, even as the wood burned down around him. Beads clattered against the floor and proud timber charred to ashes, as he dodged and spun and kicked out and fell and kept staggering back upright. Kept on kicking, snapping necks and breaking bone and shattering nerve with his teeth grit tight, hands clenched inside the pockets of his red-stained black suit.   
  
Fought, until his legs were masts of lead. Until he wasn't sure which way was up anymore, at the rate he kept falling, fingers scrabbling for purchase against a red-soaked floor. Until at last the heavy mass of an opalescent ball cracked across his spine and Sanji crashed hard, long spidery legs flailing about wildly from the momentum before falling still.  
  
He watched, too battered to move, shivery breath wheezing from punctured lungs as the larger man lumbered closer. Blood tinted Sanji's vision red, ran down his face like scarlet tears.   
  
_I've failed._  
  
He tried to kick out. His legs remained unmoving, lifeless, detached. Then he saw that he'd twisted his left knee in his fall, but he didn't feel it.  
  
"I will ask you one last time." Pearl smiled, and ran a grimy tongue across grimier lips. "Give us the ship, and we'll spare your lives."  
  
Sanji opened his mouth. Formed the word 'yes'. And spat his bloody, long-extinguished cigarette at Pearl's face.   
  
_I tried._  
  
Grinned a broken grin as the other calmly wiped off the smear, before raising a heavy arm to deal the final blow.  
  
 _Forgive me._  
  
Behind him, he heard Zeff's anguished roar of, _"Idiot eggplant - "_ before treasure splintered his skull and sent the wet pieces tumbling over the railings.   
  
A gunshot rang out soon after.  
  
Silence fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006 A/N: For those who don't remember, Gin is holding Zeff hostage at this point.


	47. Victory (PG) Zoro, Luffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Second Best  
> Pairing: Zoro/Luffy possibly. Nakamaship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> October 8th, 2006

The champagne flowed free that night. Ancient liquid in even older glass bottles, sloshing over the rims of wooden tankards as the people gave drunken cheers and drank under the light of the red moon.   
  
Luffy laughed, as he clanked tankards. Of age to drink, they knew, but the lad looked young as the dawn, and the stray liquid trickling from his lips resembled hideous sin. The other pirates toasted him quickly, second-long grimy smiles on their own faces before they turned away.   
  
At length, Luffy slipped off his stool, wobbled over to where his nakama were standing silently on a worn, bloody patch of grass beside where Merry was solemnly harbored.   
  
“Zoro.” Luffy smiled up at the swordsman, lifted his mug. “S’rum’s really good. Try some. Alla’ ya. Before s’all gone.”  
  
Zoro didn’t move.  
  
Luffy kept smiling.  
  
A firework went off. It exploded, bleeding a crimson flower across the mauve sky that threw Luffy’s face into stark shadows, his hair into flames. Luffy flinched. Then dropped the mug. Clutched at his head where it became painfully obvious that his infamous straw hat was missing. Sank to his knees in the damp dirt; hunched over, silent as the grave.  
  
“It’s late.” Nami slipped an arm around his shaking shoulders and led him back to her cabin.   
  
The others kept their gaze on a single pirate who remained stock still against the undulating weave of the merry crowd.   
  
Ace’s gaze didn’t waver. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“No.” Sanji’s voice was even. “It was a fair defeat.”   
  
One by one they returned to their anchored ship, until only Zoro remained.   
  
His eyes lacked their usual fire, his voice even more so. But he spoke only because the captain wasn’t there to.  
  
“The Strawhat Pirates send their congratulations to Captain Whitebeard, the Pirate King.”


	48. Sixty-Eight (G) Sanji, Zeff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Second Best   
> Pairing: Sanji-centric, Zeff/Sanji in the non-shota/pairing way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> October 9th, 2006

It’s lying buried under a mound of assorted yellowed recipes, layers of grime and things he hasn’t thought about since he was much younger. The medal’s tarnished silver doesn’t glint, as he holds it to the dying light of the evening, and he lets the wind play with its tattered once-blue ribbon; lets it sway, a clock’s restless pendulum before him.  
  


_Annual Cooking Championships 46_  
East Blue, Baratie  
Sanji  
2nd Place

  
  
He transfers the medal to his other hand. Rubs his fingertips together and feels the dust there grind like flour-fine sand. He smiles a bit.   
  
He was eleven, then.

*  
  
The original contestant had been some guy Sanji really didn’t like (although now he can’t remember why). On the day of the competition itself, said cook had ‘conveniently’ fallen ill. Sanji’d signed himself up before anyone had a full grasp of the situation.  
  
A scrawny eggplant against a multitude of senior cooks, and he’d gotten second.   
  
He remembers the excited grin, as he ran towards Zeff with the medal held high. The shitty geezer had kicked it out of his fingers and stalked angrily off without another word.   
  
Sanji used to wonder if it was because he hadn’t gotten first.

*  
  
He leaves the medal where he knows the shitty old geezer will find it. Not hard to miss, hung on a well-used, rusted bent nail hammered in above countless tea-colored photos and countless hand-copied recipes. A last look at the unintentional timeline on the crumbling corkboard, and Sanji realizes that Zeff has aged.   
  
Luffy’s standing at the end of the line of cooks (old and new), arms crossed, grin on his face.   
  
Things that have never happened before, happen. Zeff calls his name. Sanji doesn’t curse him. They both cry. They leave with good memories.   
  
Like silver on a nail.


	49. Yeah, Gimme Ten More Minutes (G) Luffy/Usopp/Chopper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Second Best  
> Pairing: Lu/Uso/Cho

"I can't deciiiiiiiiide." Luffy turned wibbly eyes on the doctor beside him, hands clasped together beneath his trembling chin. "Help me?"  
  
Chopper frowned, and pointed at one of the many articles of clothing laid out before them on the floor. "That one," he said, indicating an earth-brown garment with monotone cartoon worms printed across it.  
  
Luffy sulked. "Don't like it."  
  
"But you asked me to pick!"  
  
"You should have picked something nicer!"  
  
"Fine!" Chopper huffed, and jabbed a hoof at the brightest, neonest, vividest clothing he could find. "Wear _that_."  
  
"Don't like it."  
  
"Luffy! We're running late! I wanna go explore the new island already!"  
  
"Me too, but but but!" Luffy actually looked stressed, and he jammed his arms tight across his chest, eyes rapidly scanning his large selection of clothes. "Daaaaamn, so hard to choose..."  
  
Chopper whacked him. _"If you keep rejecting everything I pick, then why am I even helping you?!"_  
  
"For gods' sake," shouted Usopp from somewhere above them, and he stuck his torso down the hatch to the mens' quarters long enough to fling something red and newly-washed at the captain, which Luffy snatched up with a gleeful yell, "no one's going to check what kind of underwear you're wearing. Now, would you put your damn meat boxers on and _hurry up and get dressed?!_ "


	50. I Give it a 0.2 (PG) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?   
> OR  
> Worst OP Songfic Ever   
> OR  
> I Give it a 0.2
> 
>  
> 
> Topic: Music. ...I'll have to do a more serious one after this. >>; So going to die. BONUS POINTS FOR GUESSING THE NOT-THAT-UNKNOWN SONGS.  
> Pairing: Male Nakamaship Dumbassery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original postdate: October 13th, 2006
> 
> 2006 A/N: Forgot to add, argh. Possible spoilers for Chapter 415.

"Zoro's first," Chopper announced, looking up from the little list in his hooves. "Begin."  
  
The swordsman's face was completely blank, as he strode to the front of the little gathering, took off his shirt, and began jerking his hips whilst reciting monotonously:   
  
_"Shut up, and sleep with me, come on why don't you sleep with me? Shut up, and sleep with me, come on, ah-huh, and sleep with me; Shut up - "_  
  
"You shut up back," Sanji snarled, and flung his zero card at the still tastelessly-gyrating swordsman. "FAILED."  
  
"Next," Chopper called.

*  
  
Sanji slid smoothly backwards, liquid blend of ebony and saffron; let his fall of honey-blond hair flutter to a delicate stop before he was springing away again, shoed feet rapidly tapping a fast, chittery beat against the wood as he whirled and parried and danced across the floor.  
  
 _"…You know I got these running heels to use, sometimes there's no way I’d lose! I was born to run and built to last; You'll never see my feet ’cos they move so fast!"_  
  
And then his right foot suddenly caught fire.  
  
" – TOO MUCH FRICTION FUCK SHIT STUPID DEVIL JUMP TOO HOT – "  
  
"Next," Chopper said.

*  
  
"…that red silk dress shirt looks _very_ familiar," Sanji commented.   
  
Usopp started stripping.   
  
_"I’m, too sexy for my shiiiirt, too sexy for my shiiiirt, sooooo seeeexy it huuuuurtssss!"_  
  
"NEXT."

*  
  
 _"ALL GIRLS ALL OVER THE WORLD!"_ Luffy hollered.  
  
"Oh, sh – "  
  
 _" – ORIGINAL MAD STUNTMAN PON YA CASE, MAN!"_  
  
"TURN OFF THE RADIO," Usopp shrieked, "TURN IT OFF _NOW_ BEFORE – "  
  
 _"PHYSICALLY FIT!"_ Luffy continued shouting, grinning widely in the background as he began ricocheting from hammock to ceiling to mast to wall, _"PHYSICALLY FIT! PHYSICALLY, PHYSICALLY, PHYSICALLY FIT – "_  
  
 _"Nu ma iei,"_ wailed Chopper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: Wow. ....just. /Wow/. Embarrassment in a time capsule.


	51. Staccato Legato (G) Sanji/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Music  
> Pairing: Someone --> Sanji. I'd like to put Usopp. Ah, hell. Usopp --> Sanji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006 A/n: Where music terms are harshly and wrongfully abused. And I only got to Grade Three before I lost interest and my clavi sits rotting at ho - I mean, this was influenced by Sanji's character songs of "Moulin Rouge", "The Great Blue Dessert", and this particular color spread. And Moulin Rouge is still a great song.

He’d never have associated trombones with Sanji. Trombones were loud, noisy things: blatant and harsh and annoying when screeched too high or thrummed too low. Very different from the gentler, sophisticated side the cook was prone to displaying, when he wasn’t being an idiot with Zoro, or turning to boneless mush in front of the girls.  
  
Sanji lifted the golden instrument to his lips, and blew. The single note rang out clear and steady, deep, resonating; changing to a mellow yodel as the cook wavered the length of the slide. The sound wasn’t entirely unpleasant, rather, strangely odd - alien, almost.  
  
He still saw those slender hands dancing over strips of black against white. Kept seeing them parry in and out of the elongated columns, weaving through the notes like how those equally lengthy legs flashed through his enemies: with speed, precision, agility and power. He saw Sanji’s hands play a coaxing Adagio; saw the way the pale fingers blurred and trilled in beat to Allegro and Vivace. Watched how the slim, black-clad body swayed and rocked in rhythm to the flow of music, the way his hair would wave as he closed his eyes and lifted his chin and pressed tenderly down on the notes in Grazioso.  
  
There was a jarring, fragmented shatter of keys, like how an expensive vase would sound when it broke. He swung around and found Sanji seated at a grand piano, looking quite embarrassed, fingers splayed awkwardly over the pristine blocks before him.   
  
“Never got the hang of this darn thing,” the cook grumbled, and took to stabbing at the keyboard with his forefingers. The melody staggered out disembodied, broken, painful, and a few of the other customers in the store shot him disapproving glares.   
  
He still clapped, though, once Sanji had finished playing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What 2006 me "researched" for this, apparently: 
> 
> Music Terms used:
> 
> Adagio - A tempo having slow movement; restful at ease.
> 
> Allegro - A direction to play lively and fast.
> 
> Grazioso - Word to indicate the movement or entire composition is to be played gracefully.
> 
> Legato - Word to indicate that the movement or entire composition is to be played smoothly.
> 
> Staccato - Short detached notes, as opposed to legato.
> 
> Trill - Rapid alternation between notes that are a half tone or whole tone apart.
> 
> Vivace - Direction to performer to play a composition in a brisk, lively, and spirited manner. (lol Vivi/Ace.)
> 
> Reference: http://www.classicalworks.com/html/glossary.html


	52. Walls have Ears (T) Spoiler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: 'Walls have Ears. And Eyes. And Everything, Really, Except Hands and the Necessary Pleasure-Producing Body Parts.' ........'Walls have Ears' is shorter and more innocuous-sounding. 
> 
> Topic: Senses (really vague.)  
> Pairing: Guess. >>;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> October 21st, 2006
> 
> 2006 A/N: Complete Bastardization of recent chapters (430), I guess.

“Honestly, you know. I feel… privilegedly degraded.”  
  
“‘Priviledgedly’ isn’t really a word, Merry,” Chopper pointed out gently.   
  
The figurehead sighed daintily, and rolled her painted eyes. “Really, Chopper, but isn’t there anything you could do about this? I mean, you ARE the doctor, you know. I’m pretty sure you have a list of long-suffering, painful, and possibly permanent diseases you could rattle off to scare them.”  
  
“But that’s the thing.” Chopper sighed and looked slightly sad. “You can’t get any of them to believe that they’ll actually contract ailments like Scabies or Herpes or Gonorrhea. They’re characters in a manga. Stuff like that never happen to the shounen, and they _know_ it.”  
  
“That’s not fair,” Merry complained, “I’m suffering from wet rot and termites! And severe damage in general. I’ve gotten decapitated before. And my mast broken. Not to mention having several holes blown and-slash-or eaten from my sides. _And_ I have mysterious stains in nearly everyplace imaginable – they could have left the riggings alone, but NO – _AND_ they always dry up by morning so no one ever notices. _Oh, the trauma._ ”  
  
“B-but you get to see all the sekrit hawt boy sex scenes that never got aired!” Chopper protested, “and most of the stuff that the fandom puts out barely comes close to the real thing. Like how Sanji actually really tops Zoro more because he can screw harder. Hips and legs and all. And that Usopp’s really the one behind the doujinshi business, not Nami. She’s always too busy being with Robin.”  
  
“True.” It was Merry’s turn to sigh, albeit blissfully, and she turned a little pink. “My existence has been justified.”  
  
“Hate to spoil you, but you die in 430.”  
  
“It’s alright.” Merry’s lips quirked up into a perverse Robin-esque smile. “I was really happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: This is fucking terrible. I have no excuses.


	53. Fighting Blind (T) Luffy/Usopp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Senses (not so vague this time. I hope.)  
> Pairing: Usopp/Luffy
> 
> Summary: Usopp's shooting skills are unrivaled. His dodging skills not much so.

When Luffy awoke from his food-induced coma, he found himself shackled by his wrists, dangling from the ceiling. Fortunately, neither the cuffs nor the cell he was in were seastone-based. While he couldn’t remove the cuffs from his wrists, he _could_ break the chain that was holding him up, and Luffy was out and running for freedom in a matter of minutes.  
  
It didn’t last long. He soon found himself assaulted by a large group of marine guards, who fired barbed wire nets at him before he had a chance to send them flying. Luffy crashed back to the ground, tore himself against the barbs fighting to get free. The rusty metal drew itself taut across his thrashing form, every flail and strain causing it to wind tighter, until the rubber captain was nearly skewered in a tangled mess of his own resistance; until he was practically rolling in a pool of his own blood. He stopped then, drained, pale, completely surrounded on every side.  
  
Then Usopp barged in.   
  
“Luffy,” the sniper’s steady voice was thinly masked fear, “Don’t move.”  
  
Luffy caught a glimpse of narrowed eyes before they vanished beneath dark goggles. There were explosions, panicked shouts, exchange of gunfire, bullets ricocheting. A sudden shatter of glass lenses, a swallowed scream. But through it all the almost percussion-like _BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM_ never stopped resounding in the background. Usopp’s marksmanship.   
  
When the music at last died and Luffy reopened his eyes, all the Marines had been gunned down, each with a single, perfect hole smack in the middle of their chests. Usopp kept stabbing himself on the pointed barbs, as he fumbled trying to free the captain.   
  
“I told you before.” Usopp smiled, shakily, through the twin streams of red running from his busted eyes. “My aim is perfect.”


	54. Happens Everytime (PG) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Wreaking Havoc   
> Pairing: Dumbassery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> November 2nd, 2006

“If I had Luffy’s ability,” – and Nami casually ducked her head out of the way of a ricocheting bullet whilst sipping from her cup of tea – “I’d definitely use it to steal more than meat.”  
  
“OI, ASSHOLE! WATCH WHERE YOU REBOUND THE BULLETS! IF ONE OF THEM KISSES NAMI-SAN’S LOVELY SKIN – ”  
  
“But if the bullets kiss her, isn’t that supposed to be sweet?”  
  
 _“IT’S A FIGURE OF SPEECH, YOU SHITTY RUBBER BASTARD – ”_  
  
Behind Robin, a rogue pirate raised his sword, tripped over a leg growing from the floor planks. The weapon went flying over Robin’s head and stuck fast in the wall opposite, vibrating noisily mere centimeters above Usopp’s seated figure.   
  
“Doctor-san, Longnose-kun has turned to stone again.”  
  
“Ahh! Usopp!”  
  
“The raccoon talked!”  
  
“I’M A REINDEER!”   
  
Tables splintered, rum flew, chairs overturned, walls crumbled, etc. etc.  
  
“ARRRRRGH!!”  
  
“IT TURNED INTO A GORILLA!”  
  
“I. AM. A. _REINDEER – ”_  
  
“Oi, shitty swordsman, that was my prey.”  
  
“Your prey, your ass.”  
  
“Oh, I know a lot of people prey on my ass. Like you. Just don’t go around admitting it in public.”  
  
“Doctor-san,” Robin called over the sounds of someone choking, “It’s a bit hard for Swordsman-san to fight when his sword hilt is lodged halfway down his throat.”  
  
“AHH! ZORO!”  
  
More crashes, wood being broken, assorted uneaten food bits flying through the air. Someone screaming not to ignore them, when Chopper wandered off from his fight to perform a Heimlich on a purple-faced Zoro. Said someone was promptly sent flying through a window. Luffy whooped. Sanji kicked people away from his ass. Usopp’s nose developed a crack and broke off.  
  
“…you realize after all this fighting, Sencho-san is going to get hungry again. Soon.”  
  
Nami’s smile grew a bit more strained as she finished off her tea. “Like I said.”


	55. Terminating a Resignation (G) Luffy, Zoro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: (rendering a) Service   
> Pairing: Luffy, Zoro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> December 30th, 2006

Arguably there hadn’t exactly been time for talk and what Zoro had really meant to say was ‘swordsman’. But still. He’d agreed to become a pirate. And he was sure ‘being a pirate’ meant constant fighting and blood and stealing booze off enemy ships and looting and gold – stuff he didn’t mind too much. The devil had taken over his conscience long ago.   
  
But this…  
  
“I like music. Do you like music? I like music. We should get a musician as soon as possible. But where are we supposed to get a musician, anyway, and I want the best musician, if that’s possible – no, wait, it _is_ possible. Don’t you think? Music’s nice. We used to have this band of players who’d come by the island every month or so - ”   
  
_God_ , thought Zoro, and wished he hadn’t joined.  
  
“It’s not like the best musician is going to waltz up to you or anything, you know.”  
  
“Of course I know. Don’t be stupid. I’ll have to ask them first.” Luffy laughed at the sky. “I want the best to be in my crew.”   
  
Zoro snorted and didn’t look at his swords.   
  
“The best,” he said.   
  
“Yeaaaah. The best.” Luffy flopped backwards in the dingy, hands behind his head, hat shading his eyes. “Of course they won’t be the best when I find them. That sort of thing… not possible.” He grinned behind the straw. “They’ll become the best _after_ they join. Nothing’s stronger than getting your dreams with a bunch of other people.”   
  
A wave rocked the boat.   
  
“It’s kind of like graduation,” Luffy added, thoughtfully.   
  
Zoro found it difficult to imagine Luffy having ever graduated from anything. (Except, perhaps, for stupidity… and whatever that weird, warm fuzzy thing was that told him to stay and kept him there.)


	56. Umami (G) Usopp, Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Service (somewhat.)  
> Pairing: Usopp, Sanji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006 A/N: Concerns reality issues. Like tobacco. Music. Me not making sense. You know, the usual stuff.

“…It tastes like cheese.” Not that he had a lot to go on about the lump of yellow in his hand.  
  
“I’m sure that’s the best the Great Captain can come up with.” It was a humorless intone, semi-preoccupied, and Sanji slid the chopped garlic off into the wok. They hissed loudly as the oil licked them down, bubbling greedily, then muted as he clapped on the lid.  
  
“ _Excuse_ me.” Usopp bit off another piece and chewed pointedly in Sanji’s direction. “Slightly salty. A bit crumbly, but mostly solid-like. …I’m not helping, am I.”   
  
He shut up at the look on Sanji’s face and chewed some more, even if it was mostly liquid running around in there by now. “…Tangy. Mellow…ish.”  
  
“And _that_ , is what you use to describe Cheddar.” Sounding pleased, the cook shoved him a plate of decidedly smelly, moldy-looking triangles. “Now try these Blue Veins.”  
  
By the end of the afternoon, Usopp had sworn off Carbonara and Shepherd’s Pie and everything he knew had even a sprinkling of cheese in it. It was hard not to think about throwing up while he took his shower, what with the sink so conveniently nearby and all. And Sanji would be revising salts tomorrow.   
  
_If only he hadn’t looked so goddamned empty,_ the sniper decided, recalling when he’d walked in on Sanji the other day and the vacant stare he’d been leveling on the dishes before him, cigarette burning out on the floor. _And if only I wasn’t such a nice guy._ But Sanji’s tastebuds were dying and Usopp had promised and a man never broke his promises.   
  
_I should tell him about Beethoven. Either that or, he was an idiot for taking it up in the first place._ Usopp wondered if it was possible to skip the night’s dinner.


	57. HE SAID HIS NAME WAS "SMOKER" (PG) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Elements. ...this can't seriously be considered as an entry, though.   
> Pairing: DUMBASSERY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> January 9th, 2007
> 
> 2007 AN: SPOILERS for Enies Lobby to Chapter 440.

“Enemy ship on the horizon!” Robin called down, straining to be heard over the flap of the Jolly Roger in her ear, “Position: Four o’clock, and it’s closing in quickly.”  
  
“Flag?”  
  
“Smoker’s. The guy from Alabasta.”  
  
“We’ve come a long way since Alabasta.” Luffy stood tall on Thousand Sunny’s figurehead, gaze straight and unblinking, and he bared his teeth in an impish grin as he cracked his knuckles. “You guys ready?”  
  
They hollered their affirmatives. Each gathered to the front, one foot rested against Sunny’s rails as the other ship loomed closer, cutting through the choppy waves; Watching with knotted anticipation, as the silhouette of Commodore Smoker grew unmistakably clearer, arms impassively crossed, an endless stream of shifting white billowing from his grimace.  
  
“Now,” Luffy yelled when the two ships were close enough, and the Straw Hats leapt straight into the blaze of guns that awaited them, clothes rippling in the breeze.   
  
“EARTH,” shouted Zoro.  
  
“FIRE,” breathed Sanji.  
  
“WIND,” roared Franky.  
  
“WATER,” purred Nami.   
  
“HEART,” cried Chopper.   
  
“GO, STRAWHATS!” shrieked Usopp, sounding incredibly far away.   
  
“What the _f_ – ” stated Smoker, before the moss and flames and combustible anal gases and tsunamis and Kyun Sparkles promptly drowned his soldiers in a devastatingly beautiful but violently glorious assault that would forever remain scorched into his failing, graying memory.  
  
 _*_  
  
The next five minutes were five minutes that Smoker never wanted to have to live through ever again.   
  
He had no idea which was worse: watching his men run from the Cyborg as it ran ass-first towards them -   
  
\- the way Cat Burgler kept screaming, “[PROTECT THE BERRI, OR I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!](http://youtube.com/watch?v=QYFu__Q9ASU)” -  
  
\- how the fire kept burning up the moss that was creeping along the planks -   
  
\- how his men kept losing even if they _weren’t_ directly involved in Black Leg’s and Roronoa’s fight -   
  
But the worst, however, Smoker decided, had to be hearing how Captain Straw Hat Luffy himself decided to end the battle as he flung himself at the Commodore, howling:   
  
_“MY! BROTHER! IS! YOOOURRRSSSS! - DAMMITTTTTT - ”_  
  
The last thing Smoker remembered was a rubbery hand shoving the cigars he was still smoking down past the pit of his stomach. And then, Smoker passed out.   
  
_*_  
  
“You’ll pay for this, Straw Hat!” Ensign Tashigi raged after said Straw Hat’s departing ship, fingers scrabbling on driftwood, choking up sea water and desperately trying to keep her Taisa from slipping back under the waves.   
  
Not for the first time, Smoker wished himself dead.


	58. For So Much More (PG) Zoro, Luffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topic: Trade   
> Pairing: Zoro, Luffy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> January 23rd, 2007
> 
> 2007 A/N: Completely random and doesn't make sense, as usual. Or maybe it does, in the... really off-ish kind of way, but I'm too bummed to bother.

You would think they had an easy relationship. To Zoro, Luffy was like a younger brother.   
  
But Luffy did not require protection. He never did.

*  
  
He’d assumed the other had been testing him, at first, when Luffy kept falling off into the water and came back up laughing bubbled mirth against Zoro’s barely-contained curses. At one point he’d considered letting the idiot almost drown just to prove he hadn’t been hired to be a babysitter. But Zoro always saved him. Always. And Luffy… only laughed and smiled and fell in some more.   
  
The crew got larger. Zoro found his attention meandering, wavering, hovering from one person to the next but ultimately always coming back to Luffy. Luffy, who always sat with his face to the sun and his straw hat to the wind. His laughter that carried all their dreams.   
  
And the blood-red vest that hung heavy for them all.   
  
“Protect them,” Luffy had said – or rather, merely glanced at Zoro – just a switch of a shadowed gaze, the thin press of grim lips to convey all that was needed to be said before he disappeared into the battle, fists flying, screaming, fighting.   
  
And Zoro lost himself to the song of metal and the beat of stopping hearts.   
  
“You’ll be there for them if I’m not.”

*  
  
None of them needed protection. They’d never let Luffy down if they could.  
  
But even heroes have to die someday, and Luffy was only mortal.

*  
  
“One of these days,” Zoro said to him, pulling the black cloth off his forehead, “we’re going to get killed.”  
  
“One of these days,” Luffy agreed, smiling.  
  
But until then they’d live.


	59. Pass the Salt plz (PG) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Dumbassery OT5 at lunchtime. Although it's more of OT3 here.  
> Topic: Fast (but maybe kind of off.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> February 19th, 2007

“Hey Usopp,” Luffy said, picking remnants of lunch from between his teeth with a fishbone, “who runs faster: you, or Sanji?”  
  
“Me, duh,” the sniper scoffed, and shoved his spoon of soup into his mouth. Then choked on it when Sanji non-too-subtly kicked his chair from under the table, where he was seated opposite.  
  
“Cool, Usopp, how’d you do that?!”   
  
Usopp choked. Coughed. Wheezed. Bubbled more soup out of his nostrils.   
  
“Oi! Spill! Don’t keep it to yourself!”  
  
“His plate is open,” Sanji remarked, still eating from his own with the kind of finesse only he ever bothered to display.  
  
Luffy pounced. Usopp, still turning blue, managed to grab his fork off the table and thoroughly stab Luffy’s hand into the tablecloth with it. The captain screeched.   
  
Nami set her cup down with an overly pronounced terracotta _thunk_.  
  
“That _hurt_!”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
“Ow. Eeeew, gross, there’s food in where you stabbed me.” Then Luffy crammed his hand into his mouth and made equally gross sucking noises.  
  
“Captain Usopp will not tolerate being made a fool of!” Usopp shouted, one boot on the bench, chest thrown out, one hand fisted, the other hand stabbing Sanji between his blond bangs while the cook calmly sipped his soup. “Captain Usopp challenges you, Sanji, Cook of the Ero! We fighto!”  
  
“'Cook of the Ero'?” Zoro mumbled into his tankard (though the grin was exposed in his voice).  
  
Sanji deliberately set his fork down. Shifted in his seat. Got up.  
  
Usopp ran shrieking out the door.   
  
Sanji sat back down. Resumed eating. Swallowed. “Luffy? His plate.”  
  
“Oooh.” Luffy rammed his head facedown in Usopp’s food and began scouring the ceramic clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 AN: And there we go, the last thing I wrote for OPY100! Just shy of 60 drabbles. 
> 
> The next few will be bunches of other stuff from other communities.


	60. Sanji VS Karifa Take 2 (T) Sanji, Karifa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crack. Very, Very Bad Crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original postdate: 2006-06-08 03:37:00... which might explain some things

He was losing, fast and badly, barely able to dodge the onslaught of furious kicks sent his way. Sanji staggered, rapidly blinking away the red that washed over his vision, only to recieve the sharp thrust of a high heel. The hit went straight into his right eye - he very nearly screamed as the pain exploded through his face, dropping to his knees, hands clasped over the site of injury.   
  
Thus blinded, he had no way of anticipating the next kick that sent him flying twenty feet back into the wall, and Sanji collapsed along with the newly-formed rubble, teeth gritted as his ears picked up the click of heels striding leisurely towards him. The owner of those heels came to a stop and he could almost hear Karifa sway her hips to the side, posing ever so deceptively delicately as a hand slid up to caress her hip.   
  
"Done already?" she drawled. There was the faintest grating tinkle of smart glasses being pushed up. "Really, I was expecting more from an opponent such as yourself." A heel toed his side, mockingly gentle in comparision to her earlier blows.   
  
"Give me the key," he rasped again, hands still pressed tightly to his face even as he struggled to a somewhat more dignified position, "The key..."  
  
"I already told you, the key's on me... You just need to find it." Karifa chuckled, startlingly close, warm breath gusting over the inner whorls of his ear. Sanji shivered as a slim finger teased over his jawline, before the woman straightened and clicked slowly away. "I suppose it might be a bit more challenging now that you can't use both eyes."  
  
"Heh..." Still clasping a palm to his bloody eye, the cook shakily rose into a defensive stance, and allowed the smallest of smiles to grace his lips. His free hand travelled up, over the expanse of black jacket, fingertips pushing back the fall of blood-flecked golden hair that had until now always kept the left side of his face hidden.   
  
Karifa obviously hadn't expected him to be moving, and she whirled around, eyebrows furrowed in slowly-dawning horror. "What - "  
  
" _Mangekyou Sharingan,_ " Sanji whispered, and Karifa barely had time to scream before the darkness overtook her.  
  
*  
  
Five seconds later, the fringe was once again securely over his left eye, and Sanji had found Robin's key. He pocketed it and made to walk out of the room calmly, but paused as he went by the doorframe, glancing thoughtfully at the frozen form of the blond woman who lay twitching, wide-eyed gaze fixed on the ceiling.   
  
"I wasted my chakra searching you like that," he muttered, shaking his head, "I mean, obviously you would have hidden it _there_."  
  
He paused to wipe off his nosebleed, then added as he stalked out of the room, "Wish you were a natural blond, though. Red really doesn't suit you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 me is cringing. Soooooo bad.


	61. Migraines (PG) Zoro/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro has a migraine. 
> 
> That's it. That's literally it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original postdate: 2006-05-25

Strength always won over everything else. At least, that was how the swordsman saw it, and it was possibly the only reason as to why he appeared to be drilling holes into the sides of his head with his fingers, deep scowl etched in place, sitting hunched over outside the galley with his elbows on his knees. The harsh rubbing had only served in making his migraine worse – or maybe he just wasn’t rubbing hard enough. He practically flattened both palms against his temples, applying enough pressure in his actions to practically roll his head about in both hands. Still, the stabbing ache remained, pounding somewhere behind his forehead, and Zoro covered his face with his fingers, releasing a frustrated exhale.   
  
“Chopper _did_ warn you not to train in the sun for too long.” Sanji emerged, crossing over to where the swordsman was curled up by the stairs, a glass of iced water in one hand and clutching something small in the other. He passed these to Zoro, who fumbled for the items, unwilling to open his eyes while it was still shining so brightly. The cook rolled his eyes, smacked the idiot’s hands open, and pressed the aspirin into calloused palms.   
  
Zoro mumbled his thanks and tossed the pills down with two large gulps of water. Then hunched over again and made a second attempt to dig out his brains through his skull. “Some pain-killers those are. I don’t feel any different…”  
  
“The effects aren’t instant, dumbass.” Sanji scoffed as he set the glass aside, out of danger of being knocked over, “Give it about ten minutes or so to work.”  
  
“Ten _minutes_?” Zoro almost whined. Almost. And then he curled in on himself like some big, pitiful green puppy, head cradled in his hands.   
  
God, but the idiot could be so dramatic. “Be glad you didn’t die of heatstroke. You’ve been all but slashed in half before; a little headache is nothing, you big baby.”  
  
“Sh’tup,” Zoro groaned. “Still fucking hurts.”  
  
He was rubbing at his temples again; the skin there was already red, nearly rubbed raw from the force of the stupid brute’s administrations. The blond sat himself down roughly behind the other, scowling. He grabbed hold of a thick, muscled wrist, and pulled it away to replace it with his own.  
  
“You’re making it worse, stupid,” Sanji said, annoyed – he’d seen Zoro act shoddier in hangovers – and he slid his other hand into the man’s short, bristle-like hair without another word, splaying the fingers delicately over certain pressure points before kneading in gently.   
  
The swordsman’s shoulders tensed tightly before relaxing, falling limp, head lolling back with a low grunt of bliss as the cook worked his fingers. Slender digits flexing, pushing slightly, adding just enough pressure, moving in slow, small, concentric motions over the slight hollows of the swordsman’s temples. The fore and middle fingers dragging lightly over the crease of eyebrow to rest on the forehead, thumbs pressing in firm but gentle, kneading through the throbbing ache like softened arrows. Zoro could feel his migraine melting away, trickling away slow and warm and liquid with every stroke and caress of the cook’s fingers over tight muscle.   
  
He could feel the other’s warm breath gusting over the back of his neck; the slight press of the long, lean, black-clad legs crossed against his lower back. Zoro tilted his head further back, spine arching ever so slightly as he bared his neck, unable to keep the slight smile off his face, wanting more of that mind-numbing euphoria as Sanji’s fingers moved again, never ceasing their movements, working their way up to the crown of his skull. _Damn the stupid love cook and his too supple, too perfect hands_ , he thought, as his eyelids fluttered, blurred glimpses of the cook smirking down at him filtering in through his happy haze.   
  
Sanji smirked at the puddle of goo in his lap that was the swordsman, fingers raking through the light hair to rub little circles behind his ears, three, five times, before abruptly drawing away. Zoro twisted slightly and made a little disappointed sort of sound as Sanji’s hands slipped off his head. That had gone a little too fast…  
  
“Headache gone _now_?” the cook asked, sounding all too haughty.  
  
“Uhn,” was all Zoro could manage, his mind still somewhere up in the clouds, still feeling the trace touches of heavenly fingers over his scalp.   
  
Sanji stood, retrieved the glass, and headed back to the galley to wash up, grinning behind the fall of dust-gold hair. “Get your ass in the shade, dumbshit. Next time, you’re waiting out the ten minutes.”   
  
Zoro nodded, but didn’t manage to move until much, much later.


	62. Five Litres (PG) Zoro/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro bleeds too much while Sanji thinks too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original postdate: 2006-06-04 
> 
> Based off prompts of "berserk" and "sleep".  
> Written as a giftfic for kotszok on LJ. First person narrative.

I wish you'd stop doing that. Passing out right after the battle is over and won, saying you need to take a nap. Luffy's laughing at your usual antics does nothing to reassure me.  
  
There’s so much blood everywhere. It makes me wonder whether you actually _are_ a normal human like the rest of us, to be capable of bleeding like this. Physically powerful, yes. Resistant to defeat, yes. But you’re still human in the end, no matter how much you train and push yourself further to get better. We all have limits. Even you. There’s only so much blood a human body can generate.  
  
One of these days, you’re not going to be able to wake up from those naps.  
  
We’re waiting in line for Chopper to fix us up. You’re always first, for obvious reasons, if the Captain isn’t worse off. I’m sitting second on the bench, pressing loose gauze to my own wounds, holding the flayed edges of skin together over exposed muscle from where the fucker’s chainsaw flail ripped into me.  
  
I can see every shred and tear and slice and mangled bit of flesh on your body from this angle. Can identify the kind of weapons that have been used against you, the angle in which they struck in, how fast or hard the blow was. There are trail marks from where the serrated saw blades or nailbat spikes dug in, caught, and messily tore off.  
  
There’s a copious amount of life liquid spattered over your chest, your face, leaving slowly-drying streaks down where your muscular arms lie hanging limply over the edge of the stretcher. The blood isn’t even red anymore, not flowing as much, and there are thin tremors racing over your skin, even as you snore. Chopper’s mouth is grim and tight but he works furiously to stem the sluggish flow anyway.  
  
I can hear Luffy and Usopp, behind me, doing impersonations of the psychos we just fought off. Crazy people in a crazy port who hung around workshops too much. You didn’t risk using your swords against them because these weren’t weapons they attacked us with – they were tools. Tools that could damage your precious swords, make an irreparable nick in the metal, spoil the cut of the blade. But swordsmen don’t fight using their hands, you idiot, even more so when said hands could be lost to a unblocked slash, or captured and sawed off, or punctured by nine-inch-long screws –  
  
Chopper’s just asked if I was alright. I didn’t realize that I’d shut my eyes. I can’t bear the notion of anything happening to my hands; anyone’s hands actually. I wave the little appetizer off, shifting my gaze to stare at a score in the unfamiliar ceiling of the makeshift infirmary we are in.  
  
“Feeling faint, shit cook?”  
  
You’re slurring. But you’ve raised your head, straining through the haze of exhaustion and lethargy to smirk at me.  
  
I’m too worked up at the moment for a proper, witty response. “Shut the fuck up. Go back to sleep.”  
  
We’d normally have an argument. There’s a flash of puzzlement across your stupid face at the lack of one, before you close your eyes, and let your head fall back.  
  
It’s a long, painful, anxious wait of maybe five minutes before your snores start resounding again. I scoff and look away and try to relax my shoulders.  
  
Someday, I’ll find the right way to phrase the words “Look after yourself.” without actually showing that I care.


	63. Daybreak (G) Zoro/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More giftfic, for vampire_otaku on LJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Postdate: 2006-06-04

As the ship’s cook, Sanji has to be up early to prepare breakfast, regardless of whether he has or has not had night watch. Zoro wakes up early too, because he likes training in the peace of dawn, and the two mumble their morning greetings before blundering as one to the bathroom. There’s a small, drowsy scuffle over who gets to use it first, friendly growls and not-too-gentle nudges to the head and shoulders. Eventually, the blond rolls his eyes, grabs his toothbrush and paste from the sink, and makes to leave for the galley.   
  
Zoro smirks in triumph. Sanji boots his ass into the cubicle and shuts the door behind him. _Then_ he makes his way to the galley.  
  
He’s flipping pancakes on the stove and frying sausages and omelets in another pan a couple of minutes later, apron tied loosely on, long sleeves rolled back, unlit cigarette stuck in the corner of his mouth. The swordsman’s boots come clomping up outside, and he hears the other swing open the door, stride across the room. Zoro collects the cook’s toothbrush and paste from where they’re laid neatly by the sink, stops, then silently reaches out to flip down Sanji’s collar where it’s been sticking up behind his neck. Then clomps away. Sanji lets him sneak off with a fresh pancake. The galley door swings shut again and then it’s back to him and his cooking.  
  
The tranquility is a nice change from the usual, constant scuffling that takes place between them every other minute, and Sanji makes use of the diminishing time to appreciate this: the rare serenity, the silent companionship, the small smiles they give each other. Their relationship will go straight back into chaos the moment Luffy barges into the galley for breakfast, signaling the beginning of a new day and the start of each of their routines.   
  
The peace is short-lived, but at least, Sanji thinks, as Luffy crashes through the door on time and narrowly misses hitting an approaching Usopp as he’s sent flying back out with a kick, he knows it’ll return tomorrow.


	64. Four One Three (PG) Sanji-centric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for OP 413. Apparently I wrote this when I was real salty about Sanji's fight with Kalifa, or something, it's been ten years, idfk anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original post date: 2006-06-05

There’s smoke whirling all around him from the impact and all he can think about is why his heart isn’t hammering a mile a second like it’s supposed to.   
  
An unknown enemy is right in front of him; injured, no doubt, but an enemy all the same. He’s just exerted himself slamming that kick into the wolf bastard’s face and there should be blood and adrenaline rushing through his veins just about now; he should have been hearing the rapid fire of heartbeat in his own ears, the surge of electricity in the pit of his stomach that signals the beginning of a fight that will probably end in a lot of broken bones and spilt blood and screaming and yelling and saving and dying. Yet he feels nothing.  
  
The shitty wolf is struggling up, coughing out blood, and he forces himself to train his eyes on his opponent. Forcing himself not to look back over his shoulder, to throw back a casual glance to see if Usopp – not Sogeking, there’s absolutely no use in keeping up the pretense anymore and they all know it – hasn’t cracked his spine from the harsh fall. No sideways glance out the corner of his eyes to wink at Nami-san, no boyish grin to tell her that there’s nothing he can’t handle. No answering glare to where the triple-plank-carrier is still facing off the long-necked freak.  
  
He can’t look at them. Not now, not like this. Not after everything that’s happened. He can’t look Nami in the eyes – Nami, the woman whom he’s tried so hard to prove himself to, wanting to give her everything he was and more, always going out of his way to please her just so he could gain that extra smile or an encouraging pat on the arm, wanting her to see that there was so much he could do for her – he can’t look at her, not while his eyes are still filled with the shame and regret of having needed a lady to protect him, of not having been able to defeat another woman for the sake of one who’s closer to his heart.   
  
He can’t look at Usopp – it’s the fight between the liar and the captain all over again – Usopp doesn’t need to see the looks of worry, of what could be misinterpreted as pity or disgust, doesn’t need the fact rubbed in his face that he needed to be saved _again_. The pain from that fight hasn’t completely healed, and he worries that if the wound gets jarred one more time, the sniper won’t be able to take it.   
  
He can’t look at Zoro. The swordsman is the last person in the world he needs to see now. Whatever they’d been before: rivals, friends, crewmates – the status between them feels different now and he’s not looking back into that sharp, narrowed gaze that sees all and bares all, at least not until he’s proven himself. Zoro doesn’t need to know that he’s just spent nearly an hour or more, sitting hunched over in some corner of the crumbling building, being unable to do anything but sit and think and fist his glass-like fingers and curse and rage at himself for failing, for messing up as bad as he’d had. He’d tried, he really had. But sometimes even trying your best isn’t enough, and that’s what he’s going to prove to them, all of them, even those who aren’t in the vicinity, right here, right now.   
  
He’s standing in that casual yet alert slouch his crewmates are familiar with, his back to them, one hand resting inside his pants pocket while the other maintains a calm, two-fingered grip about the cigarette in his mouth. He can feel the bore of Nami’s worried, stunned stare through the back of his jacket, can hear Usopp’s weak coughing and wheezing, the distant clashing of swords and smashing rocks stalling for a few seconds before resuming their pace. He breathes in deep, coolly, and exhales a steady stream.   
  
He has a _lot_ of self-redemption to do, and until then, he’s not going to look his crewmates in the eye.   
  
“Dammit,” the wolf snarls, as he chokes up more blood and forces himself to his feet, “who are you?”  
  
Sanji removes the cigarette from his mouth, staring down the other’s gaze. “I’m… a hunter.”  
  
He’ll start by teaching this fucker not to mess with his nakama.


	65. Dapples of Gold (G) Nami/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit het. 
> 
> Pointless, saccharine fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original postdate: 2006-06-29
> 
> Written mostly as a guilt fic, because NamixSanji was a pairing I absolutely loved when I got introduced to OP and which I kinda forgot after finding ZoroSanji.

Her inner alarm started shrieking at approximately 05 45 hours in the morning. Nami forced her eyes open, gaze blurred from the haze of sleep – and gave a loud shriek as she flailed madly backwards before catching herself on her elbows.   
  
“Nami-san is so cute when she has just woken up!”  
  
She’d spent the night curled up in a blanket near the figurehead, as she usually did every time they were nearing a new island. The cook had been squatting directly in front of her, crouched with his chin and hands on his knees as though stooping to coddle a lost child; smiling with that overly-pleased, dorky grin of his, hearts curling from his cigarette.   
  
As of yet incoherent, she kicked him in the face with the point of her heels instead. She was in the perfect position to do so, after all.  
  
“Nami-swhan ish so cute when shee ish angry, too!”  
  
“Sanji- _kun_ ,” she groaned, not sure whether to kick him again or just laugh at the sorry sight his smashed-in face was providing, settling for rubbing her forehead with her fingers instead, “could you please _not_ startle me like that the next time? Your face isn’t the first thing I normally like waking up to...”  
  
Sanji recovered quickly, prancing forward to titter adoringly at her again. “Can my face be second, then?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Third?”  
  
She pulled her twitching lips into a frown, folding her arms beneath her bosom in mock annoyance. “Still no.”  
  
“Awww,” he said, countering her stance with an expression of mock sadness for a moment, before he reached behind his back and brandished a small, sliver tray. “An early breakfast for my beautiful goddess with tresses of fire, made with – ”  
  
“ – made with love from my heart for you, yes, Sanji-kun, thank you.”  
  
Sanji beamed at her, still smoking hearts. She rolled her eyes, a small smile battling the frown off her face, and took the plate from him.   
  
“Cottage Cheese Scramble,” he explained, as she took a forked bite and made small chewing noises of appreciation, “a variation of it, anyway – sprinkled with a dash of garlic and cubes of luncheon meat.”  
  
“Gee, Sanji-kun,” she said, in-between bites, “it’s delicious – ”   
  
“Nami-san likes it! MELLORINE, MELLORINE – ”  
  
“ – as all your other dishes are,” she continued, choosing to ignore the way he danced about behind her as if she weren’t just three feet away from him, “so I’m not surprised, but still, it’s lovely. Thank you.”  
  
“Anything for my beautiful rose! Your words of praise drip from your lips like glazed honey, molten by the warm brilliance of the shining sun – ”   
  
“God, but have you ever realized how _lame_ those lines of yours are?”  
  
He paused in his prancing, turned a surprised eye to her. “Eh?”  
  
She barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes again. “Just saying that you’d be a much better, um… woo-er, if not for those trashy romance lines you spew forth every time you see a woman. No offence, I mean – they’re sort of… kinda cute, actually. But they don’t work.”  
  
She watched as the cook literally deflated and crumpled in on himself, sinking to the floor like a punctured balloon.  
  
“The drama doesn’t really help, either,” she added, helpfully.  
  
“Aye, mellorine,” Sanji responded, somewhat weakly.   
  
Nami crossed over to the railings, staring out over the clearing sky. The air was fresh, cooling against her skin as the morning breeze blew softly through her hair. Pale daubs of yellow and pink were beginning to gather on the ink-washed horizon, and in a couple more minutes it would be daybreak. Already she could see the silhouette of the new island ahead of them, and Going Merry would probably be able to dock in around three hours time.  
  
She glanced behind her to see the cook still moping about forlornly like a rain-bedraggled rag doll. She gave a little sigh. “Sanji-kun.”  
  
“Aye?” The blond head raised a little, hopefully.  
  
She spread an arm to her side. “Watch the sunrise with me?”  
  
He was beside her in an instant, miraculously cured, puffing happy hearts again as he nuzzled into her shoulder and Nami had to elbow him in the guts as a warning, scowling slightly even as she lifted a forkful of his love-made meal to his lips and let him sample a bite of his own cooking. A few seconds later, the first splashes of daylight streaked out across the waves.   
  
“Nami-san, my love – ”  
  
“Shhh.” She jammed another forkful into his mouth, smiled slightly as she leant back into him and pretended not to notice the arm sneaking about her waist. “Shut up. Don’t spoil the mood.”  
  
Sanji didn’t answer, but she felt his lips quirk against the back of her head.  
  
And they watched the sunrise together.


	66. First Impressions (G) Luffy/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the title says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original postdate: Jul. 2nd, 2006 
> 
> Written for yuki_kokoro on LJ.

“I’m gonna be King of the Pirates!” the dishwasher informed him.   
  
Sanji had the courtesy to silently roll his eyes instead. “Uh-huh.”  
  
“Really,” the boy insisted, with all the earnest excitement of a child who’s just learnt that two plus two equaled four indefinitely, “I’ll have lots of adventures. Get the best nakama in the world. And then I’ll find One Piece, and _then_ I’ll be the Pirate King!”  
  
“They’re just dreams,” Sanji said, darkly, striding off to observe the rest of the staff. “A fool’s imagination has no place in the world of reality.”  
  
The boy frowned after the chef’s back, but soon returned to scrubbing at the dishes diligently.  
  


_x x x x x x_

  
  
When Luffy opened his eyes again, the blond chef from before was hovering over him, anxiety written into the furrow of his brow. Luffy grinned. “Heya.”  
  
“You’re crazy,” the other said, trying not to sound impressed.  
  
“So I’ve been told, and I’m gonna become even crazier.” He tried to get up, only to have the other push him gently back against the bed, mindful of his injuries.   
  
“You can’t move yet.”  
  
“Yes, I can.” Luffy swung his feet over the edge of the bed, took one step, and collapsed. Sanji caught him before he hit the ground.  
  
“You’re crazy,” the blond said again.  
  
“Yes, I know, you’ve mentioned that.” Luffy laughed and fell asleep in his arms.   
  


_x x x x x x_

  
  
For the first time in his life, the ocean looks truly blue, almost like the name of his fabled ocean. Before it’d always been a murky cobalt, grayish turquoise, on stormier days completely black and on fairer days, bottle-green.   
  
They’re speeding onward to where their navigator has escaped to. His captain’s leaning so far out over the water, he might just fall in. Nobody worries.  
  
Sanji brushes the fall of hair back from his face and inhales deeply the smell of grass-scented wind, the sharpness of the salt spray, feels the warmth of the sun beaming down on him as they whisk away from the Baratie. He lets his gaze travel across the waves, and if he stares hard enough he can make out the forms of at least fifteen different species of ocean life beneath the clear glass of the sea. Further than that, everything melds together in rich, gorgeous hues of sapphire, azure, cerulean, navy, and a hundred other shades of blue whose names he has not yet learnt.   
  
He supposes he’ll find out what they are when they reach All Blue. 


	67. Not Here, Not Close Enough (G) Nami/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an annual remembrance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted: 2006-07-05

Sanji knew full well what day today was. It was the reason he’d hung about the navigator even more than the usual, catering to every little whim she’d made today; why he took the extra effort to make absolutely sure that Luffy never got to touch her drink; why he was standing above her unconscious figure now, squatting to check the numerous bottles of rum she’d brought up with her, exhaling a sigh of relief when he discovered them all still unopened.   
  
Nami lay inert beneath him, her face peaceful in her sleep, a single mikan clutched in the slim fingers of one hand. He slunk down to the floor next to her to gaze at her form a little longer, his eyes dark and solemn beneath the fall of pale hair.  
  
He’d spiked her drink, when he brought it to her during dinner. The medicine would make her fall asleep in approximately five hours, at midnight when he knew she would be on watch, drinking herself silly bottle after bottle while she hid inside the crow’s nest, reminiscing about her mother. Nami was a good drinker, but the next morning’s hangover was sure to be hell for her, and he saw no good reason for the navigator to be causing herself additional harm. She had been noticeably moodier today, despite her efforts to hide it, and her life onboard this ship was hectic and eventful as it was already. No, Sanji saw no reason why his goddess needed to be suffering any more than she already had.  
  
Tomorrow, she would yell at him, hit him over the head when she’d found out what he’d done, then storm off to do her maps as an excuse to avoid him for the next few hours. He would cry after her, make her a drink and an apology snack, romance her a little until she gave in, and things would be back to normal between them. Nami would be smiling once more, cooing empty thanks at him while he squirmed with glee and danced off like a genuine fool in love. The issue would not be raised again between them, at least not until the next year came round.   
  
A breeze swirled into the area, fluttering the Jolly Roger above them. Nami shivered a little at the cold, drew up her legs and hugged her arms tighter about herself. Sanji swiftly but calmly removed his jacket, already warm from his wearing it for almost half the day, draped it across her slender form.   
  
She grasped at it, almost desperate, snatching it from his fingers to tuck the material around herself, huddling into the offered heat; pulling his jacket to her the way he’d always wished she would to him but never did. Her fair skin drew a sharp contrast against the black cloth, alluring glimpses of pastel flesh peeking through the dense folds, lush orange silk spilled around her face like a halo, dark lashes closed. Her lips, moist, soft and pliant, moved faintly, murmuring a name which she held closer to her heart than his, before her face relaxed and she went blissfully limp in slumber once more.  
  
Sanji reached out, took one of the rum bottles, popped the cork open. He raised the green glass to the moon.   
  
“To Bellemere-san,” he said, before casting a sad, longing smile at the beautiful woman sprawled out peacefully next to him. “And to her lovely daughter, Nami-san. Happy Birthday, my goddess. May you dream the sweetest dreams tonight.”  
  
Sanji tipped his head back and took a decent draught of the rum, before setting the bottle aside. The liquid was acrid, cruelly tart, and it tore a wound down his throat.  
  
But it was warm, so he clung on to that.


	68. Colored Glass (G) Nami/Sanji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Sanji and Nami in glasses are awesome.
> 
> Yes, that's literally the only reason I wrote this fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006-07-12

“How much am I allocated for this trip?” Sanji asks, the quill’s feather in his hand brushing his lower lip in thought.  
  
“Eleven hundred Berri,” Nami replies, her fingers fluttering over the beads of the abacus in her hands, as she works out each of the crewmembers’ wages for the month. Sanji nods politely, distracted, goes back to murmuring under his breath as he neatly pens down his list of what needs to be restocked.   
  
It’s three hours to midnight, just after the dinner dishes have been washed. Both of them are seated at the galley table, absorbed in the task at hand. The dim glow of the light overhead glints off their respective glasses as they work, hands moving quickly, deftly, as they calculate what needs to be handed out and bought back when they dock at the new island tomorrow.   
  
Sanji has on a pair of half-moon glasses: a slender build, with thin black metal rims at the top and oblong lenses tinted a faint jessamy, though it looks almost orange in the lighting. It compliments the color of his pale, slightly mussed hair, sets off a pleasant contrast against the blue pinstripe he always seems to be donning. His eyesight is a few degrees off – a hundred and a hundred-fifty respectively, he’s told her before, grinning cheekily as he waved his spectacles about in one hand – but he never wears them unless he has to read, or write; anything involving long-sightedness.   
  
“I look like a nerd,” Sanji had said, smiling in that charmingly boyish way of his as she took the glasses from his offered hand to try on, “and I blame the recipe books I used to study. Had print like microbes. The old geezer never let me have more than three books in possession at any one time, and I read fast. Had to resort to sneaking off with another volume, staying up to read it via candlelight in the night, before sneaking it back onto the shelves and pretending like nothing had happened the next day.”  
  
“And you never got caught?” she’d asked, blinking back at his fuzzy face through the glass.  
  
“Took him a while to figure out what I was doing. He kicked me pretty hard for it.” Sanji had laughed quietly, lowered his head, uncovered eye glinting mischievously. “Not like that stopped me, though.”   
  
Nami’s glasses are a bright vermilion, square-ish, made of thick, durable plastic because they have a habit of slipping down her nose and she’d tired of having to keep repainting the chips on the metal rims whenever they drop on the ground. They're reading glasses, something pretty she’d found in a cheap alleyway store one day and bought on a whim. It’d since then quickly become her favorite accessory; they went with her hair color, and she liked the way they looked on her, secretly admired the way they seemed to accentuate the size of her eyes _just_ ever so slightly.   
  
She tells people it’s because of the way she keeps working with her nose touching her maps that she needs them. Sanji had said that she looked adorable – like some kind of studious secretary, except cuter. She’d stuck her tongue out at him, poked holes through the hearts he’d smoked in her direction.   
  
Nami rounds off her calculations with a few final clicks of beads sliding into place, grins in triumph as she snatches up a spare quill and begins jotting down their allocated cash for the next day. Sanji slides his sheet of groceries across to her with a smile, similarly accomplished, pulling his arms over his head as he stretches languidly in his seat.   
  
He moves to take off his glasses, but she stops him, gentle fingers resting on the inside of his upraised wrist. The cook arches a curious eyebrow at her, as she first removes her pair of spectacles with her free hand, setting it aside atop the newly-written lists before reaching back to slide off his own.   
  
Obstruction cleared, Nami leans coyly forward, lashes lowered, and Sanji manages to get out a low, hearty chuckle before their lips meet softly over the table between them. Overhead, the lamp casts a muted shadow across the papers, encasing the spectacles left behind in a little window of surplus light.   
  
The overlapping lenses create twin heart-shaped forms on the table, and they’re a soft orange-pink. Nami might have called the color ‘ruddy’. Sanji would have called it ‘love’.


	69. Brothers Grimm had nothing on this (PG) Smoker/Zeff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For chibi_trillian on LJ's prompt of "a very short, very stupid Smoker/Zeff drabble that starts with 'Once upon a time...'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted: 2006-07-22 
> 
> There was an in-joke floating around for one of the then OP-BNFs about the OTP Smoker/Zeff, I think, and this was born. Ahh, good times.

Once upon a time, when Smoker had just been assigned his first speedboat and ended up shipwrecking himself out in the middle of sea with it instead, and was just about to resign himself to a Devil Fruit User’s fate of drowning, the Baratie magically happened to sail by. And who should be posing so strongly and handsomely over the railings, but its proud and mighty owner, Smoker’s own lover, Red Legged Zeff!   
  
“What the hell are you doing in this area?” Smoker gaped at him, in awe.   
  
“Cooking,” Zeff replied. “What else could I be doing?”  
  
“Shut up. Help me out here. I estimate this shitty speedboat has about thirty more seconds before I go down with it.”  
  
“No rope ladders onboard.”  
  
“Well, that’s just brilliant!” And then Smoker did catch sight of his lover’s magnificent moustache, long twin braids of hair as fine as spun gold. “…hey, um, let down your moustache?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Let down your damn nose braids, old man. So I can climb up, and shit.”  
  
“Say my na – Say the magic words first, Navy Eggplant.”  
  
“You still believe in those?”  
  
“You’re going to sink in five… four…”  
  
“Fine. _Red Leg Zeff, Red Leg Zeff, Let down your nose hair to me._ There, happy?”  
  
Then Zeff let down the braids of his nasal hairs, and Smoker climbed up to him. They watched as the remnants of the Marine’s speedboat sank into the glittering orange sea.  
  
“…” Smoker raised his hands to his face, grimaced at them. “Do you _ever_ wash those out, old man?”   
  
Zeff kicked him back overboard.


	70. Teach me how to... (G) Sanji/Zoro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a prompt on LJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006-07-25

"...then you put this through here," Sanji said, fingers deftly weaving silk through satin, "and then loop it round the other side, then tuck it beneath the triangle... tighten it to your liking... and there you go." He adjusted Zoro's tie, took a step back to critically access his handiwork. "I simplified those instructions down to toddler-level, Marimo, so I hope they got to your brain right."   
  
Zoro's thick fingers fumbled at his neck. "T'tight," he mumbled, pulling and tugging at the velvety crimson fabric until it hung loose around his neck like a gangly dog-collar that was three sizes too big.   
  
Sanji's eyebrow twitched, and he stepped forward again. "Adjust tightening to liking," he repeated, growling, and yanked on the tie hard enough to turn Zoro's face a complementary shade of puce.


	71. I'll convince you (G) Robin/Zoro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a prompt on LJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006-07-25

He forced himself to stay awake, to steer clear from the lull of bloodloss-induced sleep that hung heavy over his brow. Tried to focus on the conversation that Chopper, Usopp and the stupid cook were having in the beds opposite. Strained to keep his eyes open as the deceptively fragile woman beside his bed continued to wrap each of the lacerations, incisions and bruises he'd received in the fight prior: fingers pressing firm but gentle, swift but precise, taking caution not to put him in any more pain than was necessary.   
  
Like she cared.  
  
He kept glaring at her all through the procedure, eyes never leaving those busy, slender, dangerous hands as she dressed his wounds and dabbed on ointment with cotton swabs, peeled backing strips off the band-aids, swabbing pooling blood away from his sweat-slicked body. Intensely mindful of the way the extra pairs of hands behind, beside, over and next to him never ceased their movements, always passing on gauze or more bandages or elastic clips and the like. Supporting his weight while a second pair of hands dressed the wounds on his back. Ignored the way the hand sprouting from his shoulder continually dabbed at the perspiration beading on his forehead.  
  
So intent was he on trying to find fault with her, that Zoro actually startled when she brushed her real hand over his eyes. If he had strength to lift a finger, he might have shoved her away from him, made his displeasure of her presence unmistaken.  
  
“Rest, swordsman-san.” Robin’s voice was soothing, calming, smiling even though he couldn’t see, the way a mother’s voice sounds to a child just before he drifts off to sleep. “I’ll take over your watch tonight.”   
  
Zoro’s last thoughts before they dissipated into slumber were that unlike her cold exterior, Robin’s hands were warm.


	72. Moonlit Sonata (G) Sanji/Robin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sanji/Robin (art or drabble) with the theme 'elegance'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aug. 7th, 2006

The dark satin sleeves cascade over the gentle curve of her arms as she raises her drink to her lips; the fabric rippling down smooth, tanned skin like rain to puddle gloriously at the crook of bent elbows. The sleeves are flared widely at the ends, multiple layers of membrane-thin ultramarine that flutter with her every little movement, every minuscule breeze.   
  
She looks absolutely divine, leaning casually back against the edge of the crow’s nest – untouchable, like a precious gem walled up by glass that you can seize with only your eyes – a dark svelte figure cut starkly against the full moon, mug cupped between cool palms while the sea breeze gentles her hair. Sliver moonbeams highlight the slight upturned curve of her lips as she sips her coffee delicately, bright eyes trained on a solitary figure moving fluidly on the deck beneath her.   
  
The cook is doing somersaults, flipping effortlessly from hands to feet to hands again as though made of liquid; so smooth with his motions that even the touch of his shoes against the floorboards don’t make a single noise. Executing perfect whirls and perfect backflips, flowing incessantly from one lithe form to another, as he goes through his nightly regime of cooling down after a day of hectic activity.   
  
Blond hair bleached almost snow-white against his pallid skin. A thin, zig-zag line down the side of his slacks where ironing has creased it sharply, tracing the long length of his legs – from the side of narrow hips all the way down to slim ankles. Dark vest smoothed snugly over his slender frame, the ribcage beneath heaving ever so slightly as he pauses to breathe, inhaling deeply but calmly, pinstripes on his orange sleeves streamlining sinewy arms as he rests his hands against his knees for a moment.   
  
When he looks up she is facing away from him, gazing thoughtfully out over the wide expanse of the calm sea; when she looks down he’s preoccupied with doing handstands with his body arched backwards, legs almost dangling down to his head as he pivots smoothly across the deck on both palms. It goes on like this for a few more minutes until the swordsman comes up to sleepily relieve her of her watch, grumbling at the chef that he’s making too much goddamned noise with all his pansy twirling and toeing around.   
  
Sanji gives him a friendly kick in the head, before he walks Robin across the deck back to her cabin, always the gentleman no matter how late the time. He gives her his last compliments for the day: the marvelous gloss of her hair, her almond eyes of sapphire, the way the dark blouse flowing over her womanly curves makes her seem even more mysterious and alluring than usual. Sanji bows low in reverence, and kisses her fair hand goodnight.   
  
Robin gives him a smile that is a _little_ warmer than her usual furtive ones, and bids the chef sweet dreams.


	73. And Hang Them Out to Dry (PG) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off [this image](http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b390/chuirreat/stuff/ce4ea5c7.jpg) by Oda-sensei. 
> 
> Prompt: Strawhat laundry-day-ness, possibly with misuse of bubbles  
> Pairing: Nakamaship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006-08-14

In the middle of trying to get Chopper down from where Luffy had happily clipped him to the pegs line by his hat and yelling at said Captain to “PUT ON SOME DAMNED SHORTS!”, Nami had slipped. The riverbed she’d been standing in was lined with hundreds of slippery, rounded rocks, worn smooth by years of patient water and covered in more than one layer of slime and algae, and somehow she’d lost her footing. The navigator landed on her rear with a messy splash, gasping from the shock of cold water that was now eagerly lapping around her waist, and she nearly shrieked as Chopper tumbled suddenly onto her head, sending her even further backwards under the water.   
  
Luffy was laughing, dangling merrily by his arms from in-between still-drying bedspreads. The bastard. Nami floundered angrily towards him, bare feet and one hand scrabbling madly against river gunk while absent-mindedly holding the doctor out of range of the water, shivering and soaking wet and _far_ from the good mood she’d been in previously. She’d barely taken three steps forward before Sanji came flying heroically out from her left, nailing the still-laughing captain straight in the face. Luffy whirled almost comically through the air, skidding thrice on the surface of the water before he sank in a protest of gurgled bubbles, a good fifty feet away from their present site.   
  
Zoro dove after the rubber boy immediately – Sanji had kicked the Captain out to where the water ran deeper – though not before stopping to flip the chef off and earning a similar gesture in return. Nami rolled her eyes at the display of maturity from the older men in the crew, and was about to thank the cook until she realized that the short skirt of her dress had ridden up from the current; that aforementioned cook was positioned in full view of her widely-splayed legs, and that he was rapidly coloring the surrounding water red with his vicious nosebleed.   
  
Said cook promptly joined the Captain in his throes of unconscious drowning. Usopp bitched intensely, but went to fish him out anyway.   
  
Nami crawled out onto the banks where Robin was scratching the chin of one of the many tame Soapodiles that roamed the river. The reindeer hopped off her head as soon as he was able to, squeaking out a thankful insult before he ran downstream towards where the swordsman and sharpshooter were dragging their respective burdens out of the water.   
  
“So, Navigator-san,” Robin began, wry smile curving the corners of her blue eyes as she watched the other wring out her wet hair, “Has your plan of involving the entire crew in Laundry Day gone better than getting single crewmembers to wash the entire load by themselves?”  
  
“ _Robin_ ,” Nami groaned.   
  
The archaeologist let out a lilting chuckle. Some distance away, a row of Hana Hana hands sprouted from the banks, and began loading a pile of freshly washed clothing onto one of the closest Soapodile’s backs for it to tow over. Further on, Nami could pick out the sounds of a rather irate Zoro and a revived Sanji, already engaged in yet another of their many arguments; Luffy’s blithe laughter ringing through the air, Usopp’s futile mediation, Chopper’s shrieking as steel and leather started clashing.   
  
At least the laundry was nearly done.


	74. Cold Night (G) Nami/Usopp

Nami shivered violently. “Some weather, huh?” she said, miserably.   
  
" _I'm_ not cold." He puffed out his chest impressively, teeth chattering, nose wibbling, tiny tremors racing through his skinny arms. "Once, I w-was on this island which t-temperature d-d-dropped t-to minus f-f-f-fifty d-degrees, b-b-but I - "  
  
She sighed, and held open one end of her coat. "We'll share this. Get in."  
  
Usopp dove in beside her, his limbs like ice against her form.   
  
"I-I-I'm _not_ c-c-cold," he insisted, shivering.  
  
"Liar."   
  
She let him snuggle closer to her anyway.


	75. Bewilderment (PG) Nami, Chopper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight San/Zo implications, discussions of feminine issues

"Nami, are you hurt?"  
  
"Hurt?"  
  
"You smell of blood."  
  
Nami blinked. Then laughed nervously, motioned the reindeer closer, and whispered blushes into his innocent ear.   
  
Chopper nodded seriously after she was done. "Doctorine told me about that once." He frowned. "I thought you be suffering the same thing Zoro had the other day."  
  
" _Zoro_?"  
  
"He came to me bleeding out of his rear and cursing Sanji a lot, for some reason. I think Sanji might have kicked him a little too hard."  
  
".......I'm going to have a good, long talk with Sanji-kun. Thanks, Chopper."   
  
Chopper squirmed happily. "Anytime, asshole!"


	76. Reliance (G) Nami/Usopp

"Don't worry, Nami!" Usopp shouted, slingshot out, goggles over his eyes, poised to defend her as the onslaught of spiders grew rapidly closer, "The Great Captain Usopp-sama is here, never fear!"  
  
 _"You think I'd be inclined to believe you, with such a lame - "_   
  
She never finished her sentence. The forest vanished with a thunderous crash - a sudden burst of broad daylight - and the silhouette of an eighty-foot tall tarantula, complete with dripping fangs and hairy bristles, loomed into her vision.  
  
"Actually, I think you'll have better chance using your Clima-Tact - "  
  
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"


	77. Clothes (G) Zoro, Sanji

"Well," said Sanji, "let's see what we've got."  
  
They stared at the note in his hand.  
  
 _SANJI  
  
Shirts: 23  
Ties: 22  
Singlets: 5  
Pants: 10  
Shorts: 14  
Undergarments: 35  
Belts: 8  
Socks (pairs): 25  
Shoes (pairs): 8  
  
ZORO  
  
Shirts: 4  
Ties: 1  
Singlets: 1  
Pants: 3  
Shorts: 7  
Undergarments: 10  
Belts: 0  
Socks (pairs): 10  
Shoes (pairs): 1_  
  
Zoro studied the note thoughtfully, before pulling the pencil out of Sanji's hand and adding to his name:  
  
 _Haramaki: 1_  
  
"There." He grinned, satisfied.  
  
Sanji sighed. "We are _definitely_ going to put you through a shopping trip."


	78. For those who we remember, in case we forget (G) Ace, Luffy

“There will come a day,” said Ace, tone deadly serious over the mug of cocoa in his hands, “where I might have to fight against you as an enemy.”  
  
“We're pirates.” Luffy laughed, his own eyes no less grave, “so I understand.”  
  
“I won't show any mercy.” He set down the mug with a hard _thump_. “I want Whitebeard to be the Pirate King, not you.”  
  
“No problem, 'cos I'll kick his ass.”  
  
“You would, huh.” Ace's lips quirked upwards in a fond smile.   
  
They embraced over the table, eyes gazing past shoulders.   
  
“Always brothers?” Luffy whispered.   
  
“Always.”


	79. MAGICAL HEALING PROPERTIES (T) Chopper, Nami, Robin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chopper finds a book he hasn't read before. There's probably a good reason for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted: 2006-09-27

It was an average, ordinary-looking book: about the size of his medicinal diaries, and perhaps twice as thick. Hardcover, with a laminated paper jacket, the book's cover featured a lady's neatly manicured fingers lying delicately splayed across the bare, muscular back of a young male. The title was laid across the man's shoulder blades in soft, beautifully cursive script, and the tiny subtext beneath it read, "Work Your Way to well over 200 Miracles".  
  
The book had been on his eye-level. Convenient enough for Chopper to reach out, maneuver it carefully off its shelf without having to balloon into Heavy Point. The little doctor turned the book in his hooves a few times, scrutinizing it. It looked like a handbook for massages, he mused, quietly appreciative of the woman's slender fingers and perfect nails, except he'd never come across people who gave massages from the front. Maybe it was a new kind of treatment. It did mention something about 'miracles', after all. Perhaps it was a new technique he had yet to hear of; maybe Robin might be familiar with it. And it wasn't that expensive either - he was sure Nami would approve of its price.   
  
Chopper nudged a hoof into the middle of the book, found a page, and curiously, eagerly, flipped it open.   
  
It took him eight seconds to recognize exactly _what_ he was looking at. A few more hysterical, wide-eyed flips between the pages confirmed that yes, this was merely the same thing being repeated in several various ways. His jaw hit the floor and his body went absolutely rigid. He never knew…  
  
"Chopper? It's getting late, have you found a book you - " Nami turned the corner, eyes casually flicking across to the book in the doctor's hooves before she let out a shriek high enough to make fruit peel themselves. "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT THAT AND FOR HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING SO - STOP GAWKING AT IT - PUT IT AWAY - "  
  
Robin emerged from the other side of the aisle then, a couple of paperbacks in hand. She ignored the flustered duo, sparing a calm, even glance at the book that was beginning to tremble in the reindeer's grip, before striding nonchalantly past them towards the cashier.   
  
"Shame on you, Doctor-san." Her voice carried light and airy over the rows of bookshelves, and they could hear the amused smirk in it even with her back turned to them. "You know you're underage."  
  
Tan limbs blossomed beside the stunned reindeer, and smacked him lightly across his top hat. They plucked the deceptively innocent-looking book from his hooves, and the store’s last copy of ‘Kama Sutra’ went straight into the archaeologist's waiting arms.


	80. Kiss from a Rose (G) Usopp/Kaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of Usopp/Kaya drabbles.

Strawberry and lily and sunflowers.   
  
He swirled the brush some more. Watched the colors spiral around each other, thin streams of cherry and vanilla merging to form a single hue of pastel pink that wasn’t quite what he was looking for.  
  
Thinking back. Looking at the calm sky. Seeing again the delicate roll of pale petals against sweet, smiling lips. Her hair, curling up where they met her raised shoulders. The laugh. _Her_ laugh.  
  
And then the way she’d brushed the same kiss-blessed flower against his lips.   
  
It was a pity both of them were too shy to instigate anything. 

*

He kept on talking, in a low, soothing voice, of gryphons and sphinxes and the Island of a Thousand Kettles. Her head drooped from his shoulder to his chest and eventually he had to rearrange their positions before it grew too embarrassingly awkward. Kaya stirred only once while he was moving her (he was terrified; was he holding her right? Was he pulling on her hair? Did he hurt her?), mumbling a bit about some chores she’d get to later before she turned her cheek on his thigh, and went back to sleep.   
  
Usopp briefly remembered to thank the gods for making sure her face pointed to his knees. Reached out with a nervous hand, let it skim over the fair locks that had fallen across his legs. Drew back. He still had graphite on the edge of his palms; it wouldn’t do to soil her hair. He wiped his hands off on the sides of his pants, rested them on the grass.   
  
_When she wakes up,_ he thought, eyes stroking the curve of her soft cheeks, wondering if her blush felt as warm as it looked: like strawberry powder, _I want to tell her something dramatically romantic like, ‘And as I sat there gazing at her, with her head of golden silk and skin as light as doves, I thought, She looks… no… she’s just like an angel.’ And Kaya will giggle and blush and smile that beautiful smile of hers and… and I’d smile too, and wish the day didn’t have to end so soon._  
  
Because times like these were rare. How often was she well enough that they could both sneak out as one from her bedroom window? How often were Merry or Klahadore away on errands long enough for them to be together? Not very.  
  
And the number of times he’d caught himself day-dreaming: of the adventures he’d have, of his father, of Mother, of them, of Kaya, of _them_ … and the number of times he could never say any of those things to her.  
  
Usopp laughed. “I’d tell you,” he said to the sleeping goddess in his lap, “if I wasn’t so sure that somehow, you’d wake up while I was saying it.”  
  
Then, “Kaya? …you’re… you’re really pr… you’re be… I mean, I li… I li…”  
  
He sighed. Watched the sun set for a few minutes. Then he reached over and shook her shoulder gently. “Kaya? Time to get home.”


	81. Mythological Errors (PG) Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crack. Pure nonsense. Maximum OOC levels and fourth wall breakage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2006 A/N: I started out trying to write for the topic "Myth/s" at oyp100. Very minor spoilers for Chapter 428. And lots of bad puns and bastardizing of the Odyssey.

“So,” Usopp began, grinning hugely, hands stuffed deep into his pockets to prevent them from fleeing elsewhere, “rock or a hard place, anyone?”  
  
His question was further expounded by a ferocious scream of swirling water to the Merry’s right. Feral shrieks of numerous beasts rang out from their left and above, echoing off the narrow valley they were trapped in like the gash of metal against stone. The little caravel struggled weakly against the turbulent currents, bobbing erratically on the waves as the sea lashed at its hull, black winds tearing at the sail, at the Jolly Roger flapping frantically in the storm.   
  
“I don’t see any rocks or hard places!” Luffy yelled back over the roar of water.  
  
Zoro calmly readjusted his bandana over his eyes, even as Usopp began berating the captain in the background, “It’s just a term, you didn’t have to take it literally; and it was easier than saying ‘Caught Between Scylla and Charybdis’ because honestly that’s just too much of a tongue twister to be properly enunciating in these sort of circumstances, especially when they’re right there - ”  
  
“…it on, you six-headed fucker!” Sanji was shouting, irate, shaking a fist at the loom of craggy rocks above them, “I know a hundred and thirty-five recipes for Broiled Beast Head – or, if that doesn’t suit your fancy, Tender Monster Breast Soaked in Vinegar works, too – ”  
  
“Sanji-kun, I know we’re short on supplies, but there isn’t really a need to be that desper – HARD TO PORT,” Nami shrieked, as the Merry suddenly lurched sideways, the loud suck of eager water emphasizing her order, “HARD TO PORT HARD TO PORT AND SOME OF YOU, STAND AROUND AND ACT AS BAIT FOR SCYLLA – HAVE TO FOLLOW TRADITION, GOT TO SACRIFICE SOME OF THE LESS USEFUL CREWMEMBERS – ”  
  
“GLADLY, NAMI-SWAN!!” And Sanji abruptly froze in mid-rant with his arms raised to the heavens, hearts in his eyes, smoking likewise.  
  
“THE WHIP STAFF BROKE,” was Chopper’s desperate wail next, and his voice struck fear and terror into the hearts of all who heard his heart-wrenching cry.  
  
“WHAT?!”  
  
“THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE – ”  
  
“OH SHIT, OH SHIT OH SHIT – ”  
  
“TOO CLOSE,” Nami screeched, nails digging into the wooden banister, as she watched the ship get tugged closer and closer to the rapid whirl of midnight liquid, “WE’RE GOING TO DIE – ”  
  
“STOP TALKING IN CAPSLOCK, IT’S HARD TO READ – ”  
  
Something blustered through the previously-unmentioned mysterious mist that had thus far completely enveloped the little ship – grey vapor parted cleanly, as a humongous scaled head with triple rows of the sharpest fangs burst through the haze. Jaws snapping, it slathered hot, acrid drool over the decks as it went straight for the sharpshooter, standing immobile by the mast.   
  
“Gomu gomu no – oh, FUCK OFF!!” roared Luffy, and he sent the giant head reeling back with an equally gigantic lump atop its snout, and several missing teeth.  
  
Chopper went off like a firework, and sparkles rained down upon the area where he stood, slack-jawed and still tightly gripping the remnants of the whip staff in his tiny deer hooves.  
  
Usopp petrified.  
  
Zoro idly wondered when he would be getting some action.  
  
“ – messes with my nakama,” the captain was still yelling, one foot on the railings, posture that of rigid defiance, and he extended both middle fingers towards the cliff by a good twenty feet or so, until they were no longer visible beyond the clearing mist, “no one, and I mean _no one_ – I’m a rubberman, don’t think I can’t whoop your ass – ”  
  
Robin emerged from the storage room, then, a thick, leather-bound book cradled securely in the crook of her elbow. She headed straight for the little tea table she was normally seated at when the scriptwriters had nothing better for her to do during a scene, sat down, flipped open _The Rainbow Mist_ to Chapter 37, page 167, and started reading.   
  
“THE WHIRLPOOL, YOU IDIOTS!” Nami shrieked. “We’re all going to go down - !”  
  
“We won’t,” Luffy yelled back, now somewhat placated, and his middle fingers snapped back to their usual length with a knuckle-crack as he whirled back to regard the flustered navigator. “Definitely not! Because I’m the man who’ll become the Pirate King!”  
  
He gave her a fierce, strong grin, then, and it was the kind of smile she saw on his face just before he went deadly serious on anything. The look in those bright, dark eyes, the blazing determination, the energy, the promises he never had to speak about. And Nami’s breath caught in her throat, just looking, watching how the sea spray tumbled the straw hat off his head, tousled his soaked locks – how the wind swirled in eddies about him, and Luffy looked absolutely elemental then, almost.  
  
“- _hero never dies_ , Oda-sama said so himself; but then, he _did_ say ‘hero’, and not ‘heroes’, and not even ‘heroine’, either - so, I don’t know.” Luffy touched a knuckle to his chin in thoughtful silence. Then snapped his fingers. “Ah, got it. So it means that I’ll survive, and the six of you have to sacrifice yourselves to Six-Headed baa-san.” He broke into The Grin again. “I have great nakama!”   
  
“IDIOT,” Nami shrilled at him.  
  
“To the sea,” Robin said.  
  
And before Nami could move (to beat her captain’s head in; to snap Sanji out of the Pose of Sacrifice he’d been posing in since nineteen paragraphs ago; to tell Usopp he made a rather lovely statue; to ask Zoro to _stop sleeping because now was not the appropriate time to be doing so_ , to blindfold Chopper before he set something on fire), there was another screech from the heavens, and something hurtled towards them from the shadows.   
  
Whatever it was hit the waves with enough force to upset the world balance and Merry went spinning wildly out of control, whirling rapidly away from the source of danger. Nami clung tightly onto the banisters for dear life while Zoro kept sleeping and Luffy screamed about how awesome the entire situation was while tying down his crewmembers to the deck with his elastic legs. When the confusion finally subsided; when the Merry finally came to rest in more stable waters and everyone had finished coughing the seawater from their lungs, they craned their necks back to look.   
  
It was as large as a blue whale, or perhaps several blue whales that had been melted together; stuck smack in Charybdis’ mouth, which had been churning frothily only mere seconds before. The beast thrashed weakly, as the whirlpool continued to gouge at her underside where she lay. Scylla was truly a monster, she was – terrible heads writhing in agony like snakes on a plane, the grimy scales that coated the long, supple necks ending abruptly around the collar. There the body ballooned out, thick and lumpish, waterlogged; a horrid mess of blubber and random tufts of fur that reminded Nami more than anything of the stuff chewing gum tended to pick up, when it was stuck to the sole of her sandals.   
  
Twelve grotesque, spindly legs stuck out from its waist where they were ringed like a very badly-fashioned belt: some were spotted, patched, or disgustingly furry, but they were all legs of various breeds of dog and they looked abysmally out of proportion to the gigantic hulk they sprouted from.   
  
But the worse part was the tail. If she thought the dog legs were bad, the orange sticker of what was probably guppy tail at the very end of the monster threw her off completely.   
  
“…that is the fucking saddest creature I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life,” Sanji remarked. “No wonder it bitches so much, when it was still living in its little cave, being all emo and such.”  
  
The crew watched, as Scylla got hiccupped a couple feet into the air, repeatedly; bouncing atop the slowly dying waves as Charybdis began choking, coughing harshly from the lack of air.   
  
Robin closed her book then, and looked up at them all with a cheerful smile. “…I believe we should have no problem sailing onwards now, Navigator-san.”


	82. The Cure - 30 x 100 (T) Mixed, Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for op_drabble_3k on LJ, for The Cure themeset. 30 x 100-word drabbles. 
> 
> Miscellaneous pairings and prompts. Decided to post them in batches instead of separate chapters, because I did around 9000 words of these in total and I am not making 90 fucking chapters for each of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Started on 04 August 2006  
> Completed on 12 August 2006
> 
> 2016 AN: Warning my old Sanji/Nami interactions where Sanji is written as openly perving on her, or her manipulating him and vice versa, now majorly CREEP ME THE FUCK OUT, so, proceed reading with caution. I'm leaving everything un-edited otherwise.

**01 A night like this (PG) Nakamaship**

Nami’s drunk because she’d made a bet with Zoro and then lost rather spectacularly; Sanji’s drunk because he’d tried to stand up for his Nami-san and got himself knocked out faster than she did instead, lightweight that he is. Usopp’s drunk because he’d boasted that he was the best damn bloody drinker on the whole damn Grand Line and then passed out before he’d taken half of Sanji’s and Nami’s rounds; Luffy’s drunk because he’s never done alcohol and his first sip literally sedates him.  
  
Zoro smirks, having outlasted the four. The next day’s hangovers are going to kill them.

*

**02 Wish (T) Sanji-centric  
** _Warning: Pervertic thoughts ahead. **  
**_

Black _lingerie._  
  
_Yes. Black would be good._  
  
_With lace, preferably frilly._  
  
_And ribbons._  
  
_And beads of pearl, and ornate roses stitched into the linings… mmm._  
  
_And they would cut just so strategically so, just right there… yeah._  
  
_And thongs._  
  
_The kind that’s just a little tissue on a string… that kind._  
  
_Yeah._  
  
_Yeah, those, mmm._  
  
_Turn around a bit more._  
  
_Bend down some more… yesssss, mm-hm-hm-hm._  
  
_Oh, god, yesss._  
  
_Your legs are so long._  
  
_So very, very long, mm-hmmm._  
  
_Come closer. Let me touch you._  
  
_Closer._  
  
_Mmmmm._  
  
_So soft._  
  
“…ji-kun, back me up here.”  
  
“ _Definitely the red bathing suit, Nami-swaaaaaan!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥_ ”

*

**03 Torture (G) Luffy/Usopp**

"Stop," he gasps, voice hoarse, and he hates sounding so vulnerable, so weak, so completely helpless even as he thrashes and squirms in the captain's vice-like grip. Luffy's eyes are shadowed behind his bangs, mouth grim as he focuses on the task at hand. Relentless. Cold. Ruthlessly ignoring his broken pleas and choked sobs to _stop, stop this, please - let go - it hurts_ -  
  
His words fall on deaf ears. Luffy smirks, all rare dark and sadistic raw nature as he leans over the other, grinning like a madman... and resumes tickling Usopp into wild hysterics.

*

**04 If only tonight we could sleep (PG) Nakamaship  
** _Warnings: Post Water7 Luffy/Usopp fight angst._ **  
**

Luffy had locked himself in the bathroom. Hours had passed now, and there had been no response from inside to their concerned persuasions, only worrying silence.  
  
They waited for him, sprawled out in dusty moonlight filtering in from between weakly fluttering curtains. When the captain at last emerged, the life gone from his eyes as he staggered out the stall, Nami caught him by the shoulders, gently dragged him to bed. Zoro silently wrapped an arm around the younger’s shoulders as he collapsed, Chopper and Sanji offering their warmth as reassurance.  
  
The five huddled closer together, and waited for sunrise.

*

**05 Boys don’t cry (PG-13) Zoro/Sanji  
** _Warnings: Character Death._ **  
**

"Let go... stupid Marimo."  
  
"Shut up. Stop talking for once."  
  
"M'not helpless..."  
  
"Stop talking."  
  
"Can still walk."  
  
"Like hell you can, anymore." _God, you can't even feel that they're gone._  
  
"...dying, aren't I?"  
  
"Shut up. Just shut up."  
  
"Nami-san... safe?”  
  
“Yeah.” _Because of you. But she's not here to see you, can't bear to, crying into Luffy's arms._  
  
“Good.” Sigh. “Oi.”  
  
“What.”  
  
“Tell her... I love her. Never... really got to... Regret it now.”  
  
“Yeah. Alright. Sure.”  
  
“Tell... shitty geezer ...found it too. Even though... you know, didn't.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“...heh.”  
  
_Silence like rain._

_*_

**06 Closedown (PG) Luffy-centric _  
_** _Warning:_ _Drum Island spoilers._ **_  
_ **

He couldn’t recall when exactly he lost feeling in them, but he remembered looking at frostbite and bright red blood and registering that his fingers should have hurt. Then his arms stopped aching from the strain, he didn’t know where he was putting his legs; wasn’t even sure if Nami was still on his back or Sanji between his teeth.  
  
He kept going. As long as he kept moving, his blood would still flow, and he would be fine. Nevermind that he couldn’t stop shivering, that he was slowing down, getting harder to think.  
  
_Don’t stop moving. Don’t stop moving._

_*_

**07 A few hours after this (PG) Luffy/Usopp**

“So here’s the plan.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Here’s the plan.”  
  
“…okay.”  
  
“…here it is.”  
  
“Get on with it.”  
  
“Right. I will sneak into enemy territory, and you will watch my back while I grab the valuables. Preferably, alert me to the presence of the enemy _before_ she spots us.”  
  
“Okay! Got it.”  
  
“…no, you’re not getting it.”  
  
“It’s eeeasy! I stand outside Nami’s door and yell ‘SHE’S COMING!’ nice and clear when she sees me so you have enough time to get away before she spots you sneaking off with her bra.”  
  
“ _Shhhh, not so loud, you stupid idi_ – o-oh, h-h-hi, Nami-swan.”

*

**08 The empty world (PG) Luffy-centric**  
_Warnings: Spoilers for Movie 6 (Baron Omatsuri and the Secret Island)._

He keeps revisiting the scene in his dreams: the man with the flower on his shoulder whose laughter rings like broken ice; keeps seeing his nakama veiled in pulsing grey-pink flesh and moon-white pores and violet-green slime. Keeps seeing them twist and jerk as they writhe within their confines, bones snapping and flesh contorting in a hideous symphony before they’re gone, eaten, dead. And then it’s raining arrows and it hurts but _he can’t die_ and he keeps screaming and screaming until the others shake him violently awake, faces fearful, concerned. He crushes the closest crewmember to him. Stupid nightmares.

*

**09 To the sky (PG) Nakamaship**  
_Warning: G8 filler related. (episodes 196 - 206)_  
  


“Hate… all… of you…”  
  
“Sorry, Longnose. But! It was a good sacrifice, so take comfort in that.”  
  
“You’re… one… to… talk…”  
  
“Come on, we’re all injured, too, y’know. Had to hold you down and brace ourselves and everything. Look, look, see, I sprained my wrist. My precious wrist.”  
  
“Shut… the fuck… up.”  
  
“ _Someone’s_ pissy.”  
  
“Ass… hole…”  
  
“Usopp, if you keep trying to strangle them I won’t be able to bandage your arm properly.”  
  
“Chopper’s right, Usopp. If you keep moving it’ll get worse and then it’ll really, _really_ hurt.”  
  
“Rubber… bastard…”  
  
“…it _was_ your idea, you know.”  
  
“ _Hate._ ”  
  
“ _Stop moving._ ”

*

**10 Numb (PG) Nakamashippy**  
_Warnings (if any): Implied character death and Water7 spoilers_

He’d stopped the Buster Call. Robin had been saved; his nakama looked worse for wear but were otherwise fine.  
  
Aqua Laguna looms devastatingly immense over him, where he’s perched on a rooftop. Somewhere below Zoro screams his name. Sogeking – Usopp – stretches out a hand to him, too far away, but trying nevertheless to reach him. Luffy smiles. He won’t make it. None of them can help him now.  
  
But they’re safe, and that’s what matters.  
  
Exhaustion drags his limp form off the rooftop even before the waves touch him, and the would-be Pirate King tumbles down into cold, eternal death.

*

**11 Hot hot hot!!! (PG) Nami/Sanji**

“Here you go, Nami-swan, my love ~ ♥ ”  
  
“Thank yo - Ah!”  
  
“ _Nami-san!_ I’m so sorry – ”  
  
“Ow, damnit – ”  
  
“Oh god, I’m _so_ sorry, Nami-san! DON’T DIE ON ME!”  
  
“Ah, it’s nothing to – ”  
  
“HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO CARELESS?!”  
  
“Really, I'm fi – ”  
  
“I DESERVE TO DIE FOR THIS TRAGEDY. HOW COULD I EVER SEEK YOUR FORGIVENESS?!”  
  
“ _Sanji-kun_ , would you just – ”  
  
“ _SMITE ME NOW, KAMI-SAMGGHKRRGHKT!!_ ”  
  
“It’s just a little scald, it won’t kill me. Now, _shut up and let me finish my soup in peace before I asphyxiate you with your own goddamned tie._ ”  
  
“H-h-hai, Nami-s-s-swan~ ♥ ♥ ♥ ”

*

**12 Prayers for rain (G) Nakamaship**

The Captain, sniper, and doctor were running around on deck half-naked, shrieking gleefully as they chased each other through the rainstorm. Above them, Sanji emerged from the galley with water collection pails, soaked instantly through, smiling serenely as he lifted his hands skyward. Zoro, situated by the mast, kept right on snoring, oblivious to the heavy downpour even as his younger crewmates splashed by, all fluttering bath towels and taking turns to hurl rubber duckies at one another.  
  
_Mission accomplished._ Nami smirked, slid the Clima-Tact back beneath her clothes, and returned to join Robin in sun-tanning out on the aft.

*

**13 Why can’t I be you (G) Kuina/Zoro**

She wields the sword with the pure grace of rain sliding off lily petals, drawing smooth arcs, gentle swivels, curving and cleaving like she was born for this. Some feet away Zoro gets the tip of his sword stuck in the wood and ends up tripping over his own clumsy momentum, slamming face-first into the floorboards.  
  
Kuina ignores him, keeps on dancing with moonlit steps and swan-like sweeps. Out the corner of his eye he sees his Sensei nod, smile, watch approvingly. Ignoring him. Focused on her.  
  
Zoro grits his teeth and resumes practicing.

*

**14 Out of this world (PG) Nami/Sanji**

It feels a lot like flying, he decides, very high-altitude, very high-speed flying; Propelled through the air by the warm, strong smooch of a fist to a face, shooting over the glittering ocean towards the horizon where the sun is sinking slowly beneath the waves in a brilliant dazzle of orange-red; before he lands in a explosion of ice-frigid water that shoots up fifty-feet high torrential waves. Sanji drowns on the spot in mind-numbing bliss.  
  


_x x x x x x_

  
  
“…and _that’s_ why you should never try to kiss Nami by surprise,” Luffy says wisely later, while Usopp hauls the unconsciously grinning cook back onboard.

*

**15 In your house (G) Secret/Secret**

He trembles before the sight - too great a wonder for a man of rags like him, and he feels ashamed for even marring its glory with the stain of his presence. This is heaven, it truly is - all carpeted glory and thickly-tasseled curtains of lush velvet, tables of purest ivory inlaid with silver trimmings; so many valuables scattered about the room he can almost drown in them. He falls to his knees, prostrate, meekly humbled. He isn't worthy.  
  
Kaya rolls her eyes, and drags Usopp back upright so she can give him a proper tour of the mansion.

*

**16 Grinding halt (G) Sanji-centric**

_no sound_  
  
All eyes on his expression  
  
_no people_  
  
and even though they're there he can't see them  
  
_no clocks_  
  
like time's stopped moving altogether  
  
_no people_  
  
and no one can hear his heart shatter  
  
_no fine_  
  
and of course he's not okay, dammit  
  
_no people_  
  
there's no one who will understand  
  
_no me_  
  
he's failed  
  
_no people_  
  
he's alone with his broken ambitions  
  
_stopped_  
  
come back  
  
_short_  
  
you said it existed  
  
_grinding halt_  
  
it can't not be real  
  
_everything's coming to a grinding halt_  
  
all just a dreamer's lie.

*

**17 Breathe (PG) Zoro/Sanji**

Reading un-executed motions with fluid instancy, like how a professional pianist can call an unread score to life. So choreographed, so settled in each others' minds it's almost as if they could slip from their own bodies, exchange heavy breaths, and become each other.  
  
Swords clash, deflect, ring loudly in protest as the blond sends them back virgin, unsullied. Harsh kicks are blocked, smoothly evaded, met with incredible, unforgiving resistance. Until they both simultaneously, intentionally let down their guard, invade the gap left unprotected.  
  
Blade kissing neck. Heel caressing throat. Zoro grins, satisfied. Sanji smirks.

*

**18 A thousand hours (G) Zoro-centric**

His eyes are closed, but he can still hear two thousand clashes of defeat, of white against inexperienced black; Can still see the graceful curve of that majestic sword as it arcs towards him, the way it cleaves through his chest as smoothly as silk slides off skin; Watches as it cuts him again and again, through and through, yet somehow he’s still standing and he’s still alive and his and her laughter keeps ringing in his ears.  
  
_Weak_ , they hiss, and cold, cruel laughter, _you are weak._  
  
And it’s all he can do but grit his teeth and endure.

*

**19 Just like heaven (T) Nami/Sanji**

Black rich velvet mini-skirt sliding up creamy, silk-smooth thighs.  
  
A warm tangle of slim arms resting upon his back, cradling him in a lanky embrace.  
  
The aromatic scent of mikan and maps and sky and ocean.  
  
Eyes the shade of newly melted dark chocolate, lashes drawn as fine as Indian ink.  
  
Moist pink lips pursed ever so slightly.  
  
The shocking flutter of vermillion-gold hair in the laugh of a breeze.  
  
A slender-fingered hand on his ass.  
  
His face in-between lush, ample D-cups.  
  
Where he’d tripped and fallen, Sanji swooned.  
  
Nami swore, and swiftly sent him flying out to sea. “ _Pervert._ ”

*

**20 Snow in summer (G) Nakamaship**

“Hotttttttttt,” Luffy whines.  
  
“Hotttttttttt,” agrees Nami, sprawled out next to him where he’s flopped down in the middle of the deck.  
  
“Hotttttttttt,” Chopper wails beside her.  
  
“Hotttttttttt,” Usopp croaks, trembling, crawling futilely to join his crewmates.  
  
“Hotttttttttt,” Zoro groans and falls face-down next to Luffy.  
  
“…Hotttttttttt,” Robin echoes amusedly, just for the hell of it, sheltered in the shadow of her large sun hat.  
  
Then Sanji slams out of the galley with seven iced drinks on a tray that melt as soon as he steps out, somehow the only one who isn’t sweating like a madman. “JUST DRINK ALREADY. GEEZ.”

*

**21 The funeral party (PG-13) Ace-centric**

There’s more rum than he could ever drink in his life, more food than he could ever eat; still, he excuses himself from the crowd of grinning, drunken faces, takes three steps out the door before he staggers, lurching forward to hurl up the past hour’s meal into an empty barrel nearby.  
  
_That’s the way it is_ , he’s told himself, _that’s how pirates live._ But it doesn’t do anything to quell the heaving nor the revulsion nor the shivering. He finishes, slumps heavily against the walls.  
  
_A nakama for a nakama_. He looks at the phantom bloodstains on his palms.

*

**22 A strange day (PG-13) Nami/Sanji**

“For you, Marimo-kun!”  
  
Sanji prances away before he can say anything. Zoro stares at his favorite dish in consternation.  
  
“Good _morning_ , Longnose-kun!”  
  
Usopp’s jaw drops as Sanji gives him a friendly pat on the cheek before twirling away again.  
  
Luffy is already stuffing his face. Usopp leans in to whisper. “Okay, who drugged his cigarettes?”  
  
“I don’t know. Probably Nami.” Luffy keeps on eating, oblivious. “He sure kept screaming ‘Mellorine’ a hell lot of times last night though, while he was in her room.”  
  
There is a wordless silence.  
  
“…I’ll go… jump off the aft.” Usopp leaves.  
  
Zoro follows suit.

*

**23 Catch (PG) Nakamaship**

“Tag,” Luffy yelled, slapping Sanji’s ass as he blustered by, and the cook gave an indignant sputter before he chased after the captain, cursing loudly, trying not to grin; overhead Usopp crowed, safe in the rigging, dangling from a stray piece of rope; oblivious to the pair of disembodied hands that were silently, mischievously working on releasing his only means of support. Back on deck, Zoro scrambled after Nami, both laughing too hard to run properly, Chopper shrieking in glee atop his shoulders as they jostled forward.  
  
No work got done that afternoon, but the time spent was worth it.

*

**24 Dressing up (PG) Usopp/Zoro**

“ _NO, FUCKDAMMIT._ ”  
  
“But Zoro-chwaaaaan – ”  
  
“NO. I AM NOT WEARING A DRESS. NOT EVEN IF SHE CANCELS ALL MY DEBTS.”  
  
“C’mon, Nami’ll love it – it’s been a while since she had a good laugh – and this plan will _definitely_ crack her up.”  
  
“DO YOU _WANT_ ME TO KILL YOU, LONGNOSE?”  
  
“N-N-NO! B-b-but Luffy’s already in a corset and Sanji-kun’s gotten a tutu – ”  
  
_“ANYTHING FOR MY NAMI-SWAAAAAAAAAAAN!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ”_  
  
“- s-so I was wondering if you would…”  
  
“…che. Fine... Since everyone’s in it. …what about yourself?”  
  
“I’m the director, I don’t _need_ to.”  
  
“BASTARD!”  
  
“Strategic sacrifices, Zoro-chwan. Here, try this red thong.”

*

**25 More than this (PG) Robin/Luffy**

Luffy’s not stupid.  
  
She watches him tumble about the ship with the doctor and the sniper, getting himself booted from the galley by a busy, irate cook. Observes as he laughs and smiles and grins unreservedly like only a true fool can.  
  
She’s seen him fight. The split-second flicker in his eyes when righteous anger shifts to cold, dark, destructive hatred, and there’s nothing short of a god that can stop his rage. Watches him struggle to regain control after the battle is won, expression shaken.  
  
Then he’ll plop on his hat and amble away.  
  
He’s hiding, just like her.

*

**26 Scared as you (PG) Usopp/Chopper**

Usopp’s a coward, tried and tested, inside and out, and there’s nothing to stop him from screaming at the top of his lungs before diving out of the Marines’ shooting range, or just running the hell away.  
  
His problem lies in the form of one very frightened, trembly-eyed baby reindeer that’s hiding the wrong way behind his leg and looking up at him with the expectancy and conviction that he can call down god.  
  
Usopp has a terrible, terrible weakness for frightened, trembly baby reindeer eyes, and he caves.  
  
“I-I’M THE G-G-GREAT C-C-CAPTAIN USOPP, AND I H-HAVE 8000 MEN – ”

*

**27 The walk (G) Sanji/Nami**

Hips that swayed like wheat in the breeze. Long, slim, shapely legs, all taut flesh and blended sinew; Smooth, fluid, concealing an underlying strength with every muted classy step, every pause and shift, every swagger. Crossing over one another with all the natural liquid grace of a feline – immense power restrained, controlled yet free. Elegance almost always sheathed in, but not hindered by, loose flowing folds of midnight black, encasing impossible length almost like a second skin. The slight quiver of firm butt cheeks as the fabric snuggled tight around his shapely ass...  
  
…and her nose was bleeding again. Dammit.

*

**28 Just one kiss (PG) Sanji/Nami**

Five inches away.  
  
Not a long distance. Just need to lean over, turn my head a bit, and my lips will be touched to yours.  
  
It’s tempting as hell. Just five inches. You’re sleeping. You’re _beautiful_ when you sleep. So peaceful. Calm. Radiant. Perfect. The goddess you always have been.  
  
There’s no one else around. No one has to know. Just let me indulge in my own fantasy, and once you wake up we’ll be the same as ever.  
  
But it’ll be despicable of me to take advantage of the situation, and a gentleman must always exercise self-control.  
  
Five inches.

*

**29 Hey you!!! (G) Luffy/Usopp**  
_Warning: D for dumbassery_

“ _I’m_ the Captain!”  
  
“No, _I_ am!”  
  
“As if!”  
  
“Am too!”  
  
“You wanna fight, punk?”  
  
“Oh yeah?”  
  
“Yeah?!”  
  
“YEAH?!”  
  
_“YEAH?!?!”_  
  
_**”YEAH?!?!?!?!”**_  
  
“ _ **YEEA**_ \- uhh – wait – ah, um. …what were we fighting about again?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“Geez, Luffy, don’t pick your nose, it’s gross.”  
  
“I’m the Captain, I do what I damn well want.”  
  
“No way, because _I’m_ the Captain.”  
  
“No, _I’m_ the Captain!”  
  
“No, _I_ am!”  
  
“As if!”  
  
“Am too!”  
  
“You wanna fight, punk?”  
  
“Oh YEAH?”  
  
“YEAH?!”  
  
_“YEAH?!?!”_  
  
_**”YEAH?!?!?!?!”**_  
  
Somewhere behind them, Zoro and Nami watched, impassive.  
  
“...and _he’s_ your Captain?”  
  
“…yeah.”  
  
“Sad.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
Collective sighs.

*

**30 The drowning man (G) Chopper-centric**  
_Warning: Drum Island spoilers_

Too much love, he thinks, wrapped in who knows how many arms, pressed into how many content, sleeping faces, and so much warmth it feels he could suffocate. Strange group of people these humans are – all entirely unrelated to each other, yet somehow choosing to stay and live on for one another. It makes no sense that there are such extremities of weak and strong in this pack; yet it manages to contain itself.  
  
Someone mumbles happily into his fur, another unconsciously slings an arm around him. Chopper lets his worries melt away, and snuggles closer into his new family.

 


	83. Max - 30 x 100 (T) Mixed, Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for op_drabble_3k on LJ. I basically took the song list off of my Max 7 and Max 8 CDs to write these. For those who don't know, those are top hits songs from the 2000 - 2001s. YEAH. FROM MORE THAN A DECADE AGO. HOLY CHRIST. I'M NOT KIDDING MAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Challenge started on 14 August 2006  
> Completed on 20 September 2006
> 
> ALSO THE WORST SONGFIC FIC OF ALL SONGFICS

**Breathless - Corrs (PG) Sanji/Nami**

 

Flashes of pale skin, sideway glances, the flutter of wind-swept bangs.

Leftover cash in his wallet for his personal use after the groceries were purchased. A little dish of foil-wrapped chocolate kisses sitting atop her stack of navigation papers.

Refusals given sternly but with smiles in the eyes. Polite acceptance with a quirk to the lips that stated he wasn’t the one at the losing end.

Push and pull, back and forth, tension mounting – until Zoro had snapped at them to “Just fucking kiss already!” and got smashed through a wall for his efforts. They smirked at each other. Draw.

 

*

 

**It's Gonna Be Me - N'Sync  (G) Spoiler**

 

He listens patiently as she screams and rants about the injustice of it all - that no matter how hard she tries, that even though she's already saved so many, there are three that she can only dare to dream of rescuing; That the only man whom she really wished to challenge was never serious against her, and she hates that he's like that – that it's almost impossible -

She blubbers on until she's an incoherent mess of tears and exhaustion, curled up on her bed, one arm flung carelessly across his body. Tashigi's sword sighs, and resigns himself to another night.

 

*

 

**We Will Rock You - Five (G) Luffy-centric**

_Warning/s: spoilers for Alabasta and Water7 and FOR BEING THE WORST SONGFIC IN THE WHOLE DAMNED WORLD._

 

  
_Buddy you're a young man hard man_

“I’m Monkey D. Luffy, and I’m going to be the Pirate King.”

_Shoutin' in the street gonna take on the world some day_

“ROOOOOOOOOOOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!”

_You got blood on yo' face_

“That’s why I have to be strong, so I can protect all of them.”

_You big disgrace_

“I’m sorry. I lost. It won’t happen again.”

_Wavin' your banner all over the place_

“Just watch, Chimney. When this is all over, that Strawhat brat’s name will be known throughout the world.”

_Singin'_

_We will we will rock you  
We will we will rock you_   


 

_*_

 

**If I Told You That - Whitney Houston and George Michael (G) Zoro/Usopp**

 

He’d nearly cried once he’d identified what he was feeling. It was him and her all over again – that same burning desire to coax a smile out of a usually stoic face, to hear the laughter, to make the person happy. _It can’t be love_ , he’d chanted with hands over his ears, _not between two men._ But the feelings didn’t go away and the other was beginning to seek out his company more often. Usopp wanted to die.

“Oi, Longnose,” Zoro began, scuffling his feet a little, “got a tale or something?”

“O-of course. Did I ever tell you about…”

 

*

 

**He Wasn't Man Enough - Toni Braxton (PG) Zoro/Nami**

 

  
_It’s not going to work out_ , she spits, face splotchy, eyes puffy, and her fingers slip and miss the empty glass, _look at him: too damned compliant, too damned eager to please – he’s not what I fell in love with him for, except he_ is _– but I can’t live like that – but he’s never – he’s – I’m such an idiot_.

She pours herself another glass, downs it, goes for another refill. Zoro says nothing except to swill his sake around. Nami will pass out in under an hour, and he’s got the broken blond after that. It’ll be a long night.

 

*

 

 

  
**Pure Shores - All Saints (T) Spoiler  
** _Warning for character death._   


 

The boy laughed merrily, as they flowed around his form as freely as spirits roamed the heavens. They were everywhere, fish of every size, shape and color – immeasurable, unfathomable; scattered grains of rainbow against a peacock-blue canvas.

_All Blue_ , he cried, the joy spilling from his eyes, _All Blue, at last._

_x x x x x x_

“…one’s still alive!”

“Get the old man onboard – food, quickly!”

“…lost too much blood…”

Too weak to move, he watched as they pried the stiff, smaller body from his shriveled arms, flung it out to sea. The tears seared where they hit the open wound of his mangled leg.

 

*

 

**Mirror Mirror - M2M (PG) Usopp/Nami**

 

  
_Always be mindful of your words,_ Bellemere-san had said, eyes solemn as she dried the dishes, _because it’s always too late to take them back._

What’d been the last thing she’d said to him? She wasn’t sure. She remembered the slap, though; clear and fresh in her memory like blood torn across snow. The way his eyes had flashed, hurt, before he gave in to her.

She didn’t know where he was now. He could be dead. And the last thing she’d given to him was a glare full of ice and the stiff-shouldered back of her sleeveless black gown.

 

*

 

**Against All Odds - Mariah Carey, Westlife (G) Doctor Hiruluk, Chopper**

 

  
_Doctor._

His footing slipped, and he gashed his forehead against a rock trying to climb higher.

_Doctor._

Forcing tears from his eyes as he fought fiercely against the much larger stag blocking his path and lost.

_Doctor._

Wind that penetrated through his winter coat, stung his eyes, choked his breathing, so cold, so cold.

_Doctor._

Gasping, lungs burning as he ran screaming, crying, mountain bear hot on his heels.

_Doctor._

Too frozen and tired to shed tears of relief when he finally chanced upon the object of his search.

_Doctor._

Let me back in.

_Doctor._

Please, let me in.

_Doctor._   


 

_*_

 

**I Turn To You - Christina Aguilera (PG) Nakamaship**

 

“Captain, the invaders are swarming the aft!”

“Captain, there’s too many attackers on starboard – ”

“Aieeeeeeee!”

“Navigator down!”

“NAMI-SAN!!”

“Sencho-san, they’ve closed in all around us, there’s no escape – ”

“Arrrgh!!”

“Swordsman down!”

“ _Swordsman_ down?!”

“Zoro’s down – repeat, Zoro’s down!”

“Dammit!”

“Captain, your orders?”

“Sencho-san?”

“Captain!”

“Captain, quickly!”

“Sencho-san!”

“ARRRRRRRRGH!!”

The Captain clutched his head with both hands and keeled over in a dead faint.

_x x x x x x_

Later, while Chopper went about attending to his single victim, Luffy sat by the bed post and clapped his sandals together.

“And that,” he said to Usopp cheerily, “is the reason why _I’m_ the Captain.”

 

*

 

**I Think I'm In Love With You - Jessica Simpson (PG) Robin/Zoro**

 

He didn't like Robin. The woman was a former assassin, she had creepy eyes, a creepy smile, too many hands, and that _laugh_. Like how she'd sound before she gently killed you. No, Roronoa Zoro did not like Nico Robin.

At least, until he spotted her calmly reading on deck, seconds away from getting stabbed by an enemy dagger. A dagger which grew arms that smoothly channeled its downward momentum into reverse to stab its wielder through his own crotch.

The would-be-attacker screamed. Robin turned a page. And Zoro...

... forced his raised eyebrows down and carried on fighting.

 

*

 

 

**Private Emotion - Ricky Martin (G) Nami/Sanji**

 

It's on nights like this, with the moon's aura casting shadows muted blue and lavender skies sprayed with a million glittering stars; the wind humming an ancient lullaby and the waves rocking a lazy rhythm against the hull. He wraps his arms around her waist, buries his face into silk-soft locks caressed by the breeze. Fingers slimmer than his own thread through his hair, pull his face down close enough for them to kiss - except she doesn't. _Not yet - not tonight - not ready_ ; and he can only accept her apologies with a wistful smile.

“Sanji-kun, _stop crying_.”

“Haaaaaaaai, Nami-swan. *sniffle*”

 

*

 

**Let's Get Loud - Jennifer Lopez (G) Character-centric**

 

Head tossing wildly, hands through his hair, the line of his throat as he bared it to campfire and moonlit sky. Strong arms swinging through the air - an athlete’s lanky arms, deceptively fragile; all marrow and tightly-wrapped sinew, leanly muscled like a dolphin. Hips gyrating, thrusting, swaying, power withheld; feet pivoting swiftly and fluidly over rocky ground. Slapping up red dust, heightening the enthusiasm as he danced and shook and swiveled across the area without restraint, all rampant energy and wide, charming grin.

“Y’gotta proooove it, prove it! Y’gotta mean what you saaay!!”

“WE GET IT, LUFFY. _SIT DOWN_.”

 

*

 

  
**Breathe - Faith Hill (G) Sanji/Robin**

 

"When I find All Blue," he's saying, and the wind chooses that moment to tumble his thick sunset-tinged locks of butter-gold, blue eyes bright as he grins at her, all suave boyish confidence as he leans with his arms on the railings, "I hope it'll be as beautiful as this."

He looks back out again, where the sun is painting wet washes of saffron and magenta and meline across the lurid sky; over the expanse of evening ocean that glitters brighter than all the treasures of the world. Hope for her own dream arises.

"Me too." She laughs.

 

*

 

  
**Last One Standing - Girl Thing (T) Karifa, Nami  
** _A/N: SOMEBODY writes the yuri!porn that didn't happen. Spoilers for Water7. **  
**_  


 

Lithe fingers opened over the expanse of the other’s ample chest, shimmering faintly with warm liquid that ran taunting rivulets across the other’s body. Soft pants echoed in the enclosed arena, narrowed gazes thickly hazed by something more than desperation.

Long, delicate nails raking gently, teasingly, up a pale thigh. A shiver, as the other turned her neck, bared the thin flesh. Slippery hands traveling lower, deeper, bolder - until Nami was helpless, writhing and arching and panting completely submissive oh god –

**“Ahem.”**

Shit.

“N-N-Nami-swa – ”

Sanji got that far before a fist slammed him straight through the brick wall.

 

*

 

**My Love - Westlife (G) Usopp/Kaya**

 

“Is Usopp okay? He’s been sighing and looking up at the clouds all afternoon.”

“Well…”

Usopp trips as he runs towards the courier gull that’s just alighted on the railing, fingers fumbling in his pockets for loose change.

“It’s one of Those Days.”

“Oh. Kaya Day.”

Usopp exchanges several coins for the large, pink envelope in the bird’s beak, fingers trembling with barely concealed excitement before he disappears swiftly below deck, hugging the letter to his chest, huge goofy grin splitting his face.

A chuckle. “He really loves her, huh?”

“Yeah. Lucky bastard.” But he smiles as he says it.

 

*

 

**Seven Days - Craig David (T) Sanji-centric**

 

He had his first hangover at sixteen.

 

  
_A substitute_ , he’d laughed, still slurring even as they dragged him back, hastily clothed to cover the scratches and bite marks, _and I’d thought, you know, maybe I’d finally gotten a girl, she was beautiful; still is, god, absolutely perfect, and we were in love – at least I thought we were in love._ And for the first time since they’d set foot on the Baratie they heard the head-assistant using words normally directed at the men onboard.

 

  
_You’re drunk_ , they told him, _get some rest_. Sanji stumbled to the washroom and threw up.

 

*

 

**Give Me A Reason - The Corrs (G) Usopp/Kaya**

 

"She never stopped believing in you, you know." He didn't really drink, not if he could help it, but Usopp took a swig of the rum anyway before passing it back. "Always said she was proud of you."

Yasopp nodded wistfully, tipped his head back and let the rum overflow.

"An' you, son? Got a girl yet?"

Usopp went very rigid.

“An' she loves ya?”

He blushed cherry-pink.

"Ya lovebirds still keepin' in contact?"

Usopp blushed harder still, and nodded firmly.

"Heh." Yasopp grinned widely, but the solemnity never left his eyes. "Don' keep 'er waitin' too long, eh."

 

*

 

**No More - A1 (T) Love Triangle**

 

It's Luffy's vest he ends up sobbing into, fisting his grief into red fabric while he chokes out broken pleas and hysterical questions, raggedly demanding answers as a fractured fairytale tumbles from his lips: The cook saying he loves him, then finding he was merely a substitute after Sanji patched up with the swordsman - an endless cycle of being used and discarded like his old paints and Usopp is sick, he's tired; yet he can't bring himself to end anything and there's nothing he can do but cry.

"Say something," he screams, "tell me what to do."

Luffy keeps mute.

 

*

 

**Everything You Do - M2M (PG) Sanji/Chopper**

_AN: MAKES ME WANNA GO OOH OHH, OH, AHH AHH_

 

“ - so if you beat the egg white like this for long enough…” Sanji demonstrated, whisking the utensil around with rapid strokes until the transparent goo in the bowl turned light and frothy, “it gets all stiff and firm like this.”

Silence.

“… _you know what I mean._ ”

“So coooooool,” Choper breathed, once his face went back to its normal shade of tan.

“And then you have to fold it in like this, so the air gets trapped and the resulting cake gets all airy and spongy.”

“So cooooooooooooool.”

“And the icing’s done separately, before – ”

“So coooooooooooooooooooooooooool.”

“ _Stop that._ ”

 

*

 

**Independent Women - Destiny's Child (PG) Nakamaship**

 

"So... What do you think?"

Nami shifts her weight a little, and the slit of her red dress goes _all_ the way up.

Sanji expires in a spray of blood.

Usopp can't quite stop himself from peeking through his fingers, muttering what sounds suspiciously like, "Kaya, think about Kaya..." beneath his breath.

Luffy picks his nose, unimpressed.

Zoro snorts, and says nothing.

She buys the dress anyway. It costs them four thousand Berri.

They bitch about the expenditure, but nobody stops her. She has every right to spend what she's painstakingly earned.

Besides, her smiles were worth so much more.

 

*

 

**Tell Me How You Feel - Joy Enriquez (G) Usopp/Kaya**

 

He makes her laugh so hard her face muscles cramp from all the scrunching they do; until she’s breathless with mirth and has to wipe away the tears to see his smiling face, the equally elated grin they share knowing they’ve made each others’ day. But it’s always the same in the end – a small space of quiet silence before he beams at her, a smile that’s somewhat dimmer, “We’re best friends, right, Kaya?”

She’d tell the truth if she could, if she wasn’t a bigger coward than he was.

“Yeah,” she says instead, smiling just as blandly. “Best friends.”

 

*

 

**Last Fight Out - Plus One (PG) Luffy/Nami**

 

She can’t cry. She mustn’t, she keeps telling herself, even with blood streaming down her shoulder and his fingers warm about her wrist in the air, the dagger’s hilt freezing in her grasp even as she tries to pull away, stab herself again. But he keeps her prisoner, relentless, with eyes that don’t waver and a resolution that doesn’t falter until she’s sobbing, begging, no, she’s not as strong as she thought she was, help me, help me please.

He presses his hat down on her hair like he’s soothing a terrible nightmare; When she looks up he is gone.

 

*

 

**Can't Fight The Moonlight - LeAnn Rimes (G) Zoro/Robin**

 

The kiss was awkward and unexpected, but not unwelcome, and so he let her. Countless nights of quiet appreciation, unspoken words, careless touches, melting between the heat of their bodies as she cornered against him against a wall, silent plea in her eyes, and pressed her lips to his. Zoro tasted desperation, sorrow; fear, regret, longing – and then he tasted tears.

She retreated then, abruptly, hair flaring out almost elegantly as she twisted from him and ran. A single droplet lay glistening pearlescent in the wash of satin moonbeams that slid across the deck.

The next day, Robin went missing.

 

*

 

**Music - Madonna (T) Nami/Zoro/Sanji**

 

Zoro raised an eyebrow, as Nami slung herself across his table, dragging Sanji down by his tie, his flailing hands scattering empty cans across the sticky floor as she thoroughly plundered the blond's mouth. Strobe lights slid over their bodies, briefly highlighting glimpses of wet tongues, fluttering lashes; the desperate glide of fingers over chests and groins.

She smirked at the swordsman, hips rolling in beat with the music. Sanji groaned as she shifted off him.

_I got us a room,_ was mouthed against Zoro's ear.

He sipped his unfinished beer, smirked. _Five minutes._  


 

_*_

 

**She Bangs - Ricky Martin (T) Nami/Sanji**

 

Sanji was going to die, at the rate blood was gushing out his flared nostrils and rushing southwards in a similar fashion. Not that he minded, he thought blearily, as Nami slid her body harshly against his, hands teasing across his chest, slipping around and down his back to clench demandingly over both buttocks.

_" – OH, BABY, WHEN SHE MOVES,_ SHE MOVES _!"_

The radio barely registered in his ears, his eyelids fluttering shut as she distracted him with a firm kiss. He remained mind-numbingly stunned long after she’d disappeared.

Many hours later, Sanji discovered his wallet missing from his slacks.

 

*

 

**Most Girls - Pink (G) Nami, Nojiko**

 

 “When I grow up,” declared a five-year-old Nami, hands firmly planted on her hips, nose in the air, “I'm gonna marry someone rich.”

“Oh?” Bellemere didn't pause in her flipping of pancakes.

“Yeah.” Nami nodded decisively. “Then I'd buy all the books I ever wanted. And I'd get to make lots of maps!”

Nojiko kicked her feet beneath the table. “I'd like someone... who can make me laugh. Like Genzo-san does to Bellemere-san.”

“But - Genzo-san is _poor!_ ” was the vehement protest.

“He’s _funny_ ,” the other argued back, just as defensive.

“ _Girls_ ,” Bellemere sighed, “bring this up again when you’re twenty.”

 

*

 

**By Your Side - Sade (G) Sanji/Nami**

 

 She’d shut him out again, dark thoughts brooding heavy behind distant eyes while she struggled to solve her problems on her own. She was a strong woman, Nami-san, she was, and he believed in her, as much as he wanted to grab her by the shoulders and rip the hurt expression off her face; smother her in hugs and kisses until she was laughing again. Still, he stood outside her closed door with a tray of mikan-flavored pancakes that had long since grown cold, jacket over his arm, just patiently waiting.

 

She’d heard him knock – she’d open the door soon.

 

*

**Overload - Sugababes (G) Spoiler**

 

 “Kaya, Sanji. Sanji, Kaya.”

Sanji beams at her, almost patronizingly, stooping in a respectful bow. “Miss Kaya.”

She returns the gesture stiffly, one hand clutched tight to her chest, hoping her eyes aren’t peeled too wide as she straightens back up.

“K-K-Kaya. We… um…”

Usopp fidgets, eyes digging holes in the ground.

“He’s… we’re sorta… an item, now.”

_I knew it._

She pastes the smile on her face. “Oh…”

Usopp shivers. Then lowers his head. Then starts _laughing_.

“ _Gotcha_.”

He springs forward, crushes her to him with a huge grin.

Sanji is smiling, too. “Catch you later, Romeo.” He whistles off.

 

  
_AN: Actually kinda a dick move, don't do this folks_  

 

* 

 

**Around The World - ATC (PG) Luffy/Nami**

 

 It takes a while, but eventually her name struggles its way past his bruised lips, breaking through thick phlegm and bitter blood to rasp dryly in the acrid air.

_You idiot_ , she shouts at him, but her voice is quivery, _you stupid, stupid idiot._

Arms around him and he’s breathing again - a familiar tang of mikan in the air as he’s pushed into a waterfall of orange tresses. He gently wipes the salt from her eyes, presses a silent grin to her wet, blubbering lips.

Tears slip from beneath lashes, tracing contours to his tongue; they taste like sweet relief.

*

  

**Come On Over Baby - Christina Aguilera (M) Nakamaship**

_AN: Warning for Strawhat orgy. Yes, even Chopper. GOD KNOWS THEY NEED IT AFTER THE ENIES LOBBY DRAMA_

 

  _Too much_ , he gasps, and he glimpses Robin smiling the same exasperated, giddy smile before she shudders again - then she's panting heavily while Sanji gently ravishes her; and Usopp's not sure who's more distracting: Luffy, raking their groins together, chuckling lowly; or Nami, kissing her way up his body while Zoro tries to reach for him from behind. Chopper isn't in heat, but he slides supportive arms around his waist nevertheless.

_This_ , the sniper decides, _completely redefines the meaning of nakama_ , and it's his last coherrent thought before Luffy groans deeply, and Usopp loses himself in euphoria once more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh man when M2M and Westlife were still a thing


	84. Coffee and Crack (T) Mixed, Nakamaship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompts taken on my LJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted   
> 2006-11-25

**01) Sanji/Zoro, Blood**  
  
SANJI  
  
The black jacket had been downright misleading. Zoro hadn’t realized just how injured the cook had gotten until he saw Sanji gingerly shrug it off, mouth thinning as he peeled the turquoise undershirt back from tender, delicate flesh. Bruises littered the landscape of his bare body, and thick, dark crimson oozed heavily from deep slashes, trickling over the expanse of pale skin.   
  
He would have winced, but Zoro was in the room. Sanji turned his back to the shower spray, and hit the hot water full blast without grimacing.   
  
_Clothes made the man._ Zoro wondered what else Sanji was hiding.   
  
==  
  
ZORO  
  
 _Enough to drink,_ he thought. Blood pooled in his upturned palm – he’d since stopped trying to stem the wound – and with a finger of the opposite hand, dipped his index into still-warm scarlet and began tracing blood-stained patterns into the floor beside him. He had no idea what he was doing, but it felt ceremonious; ritual, almost.  
  
Sanji found him a few minutes later, and kicked his head in before dragging them both back to the Merry.   
  
“If you have time for shit like this,” Zoro didn’t recognize this desperate man, “then don’t die.”   
  
Later, Zoro blamed the blood loss.

*  
  
 **02) Nami/Robin, Demons of the Past**  
  
“For a moment,” Robin said, once more lying in a circle of impossible heroes, wrapped in an embrace she’d come to know and love, “I thought you were going to leave.”  
  
“We’re contradictory bastards.” Nami chuckled warmly, the sound echoing between them. “Learnt that skill from Luffy on Day One. 'Always do what others say you cannot do.'”  
  
Slim fingers guided slimmer ones to rest against the whorl of blue ink on her left shoulder.   
  
“If you’d died, Robin,” Nami smiled, “we’d have kicked Hell’s ass to get you back.”  
  
Robin laughed. “I’ll believe that.”  
  
She wouldn’t have, before.

*  
  
 **03) Ben/Shanks, the tides have turned**  
  
“ _My_ hair,” Shanks declared proudly, “is still its healthy, gorgeous shade of flaming, youthful red.”  
  
Ben shifted his pipe to the other side of his mouth, reached over, and yanked.  
  
“Ow! Fuck.”  
  
“White hair.” Ben held up the object in question. Behind them, Roo and Yasopp made vague sounds of amazement.   
  
“That’s only one! Unlike your entire head.” The captain folded his arms, and stuck his tongue out at the first mate. “So there.”  
  
Ben re-shifted his pipe, and raised both eyebrows over closed eyes. “Wisdom. Unlike you.”  
  
“Screw. You,” Shanks said.

*  
  
 **04) Usopp/Luffy, Yarn  
** _AN: A bit of homophobic language here, warning for that. No offense intended. Written back in 2006 and un-edited. You're 84 chapters deep in mostly-same-sex pirate relationships, obviously I'm not against this._  
  
“Knitting,” said Luffy solemnly, “is for grannies and gays.”  
  
“Shut up.” Usopp stabbed him in the thigh with a blunt darning needle, and was rewarded with a pained screech. “It’s being resourceful. A man mends his own clothes.”   
  
“Nami mends my hat!”  
  
“ONLY BECAUSE YOU’D SCREW UP THE SEWING JOB SO BAD, YOU’D MAKE SHANKS CRY.”  
  
Luffy pouted. “I _totally_ can sew and stuff.”   
  
“You will not screw up my best set of overalls.”  
  
“…” Luffy raised an eyebrow at the misshapen lump of wool and fiber in Usopp’s lap. “ _Those_ are overalls...?”  
  
Usopp stabbed him in the thigh again.

*  
  
 **05) Luffy/Usopp, sleeping in a hammock**  
  
“No.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“NO. Remember what happened the last time?”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I don’t particularly like being nibbled and licked on in my sleep.”  
  
“…but Zoro does it to Sanji, and they do it all the time, and I think Sanji kind of l – ”  
  
“ – DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT. NO, LUFFY. ESPECIALLY SINCE YOUR LICKING AND NIBBLING FALLS INTO ANOTHER CATEGORY ALTOGETHER.”   
  
“It wasn’t my fault I was dreaming about meat!”  
  
 _“THAT’S EVERY TIME.”_   
  
“…Usopp is a meanie.”  
  
“Damn straight. Go back to your hammock.”  
  
“……..”  
  
“………”  
  
“…what about – ”  
  
 _“NO.”_

*  
  
 **06) Luffy/Usopp, Drawing**  
  
The captain was always too active during the day, but at night, he lay comatose, and remained completely oblivious to the self-conscious strokes of graphite against paper. _It was worth it,_ Usopp decided, as he put the finishing touches to his masterpiece, and rubbed his tired, sleep-deprived eyes before passing right out.  
  
Morning found Luffy squatting next to him, drawing in hand, oddly, appreciatively quiet.   
  
“You could have asked,” Luffy murmured, absently.   
  
Then he _grinned_ – and off he went running to show the drawing to the rest of the crew, hollering with glee.  
  
Usopp slipped back into peaceful slumber.

*  
  
 **07) Robin/Chopper, Books**  
  
 _Doctor-san is quite cute,_ Robin decided, watching as the little reindeer threw disapproving glances towards her, nudging his seated rear across the deck inch by not-entirely-inconspicuous inch until he had positioned himself directly beside her.   
  
“I’m not doing this to get close to you or anything,” he snapped at the newest crewmember, “Not at all.”  
  
After a few more shifty glances, he pulled a weathered paperback from behind him, flipped it to a random page, and buried his face in it, cheeks bright pink.   
  
Robin turned back to her own novel, amusement carefully concealed. Doctor-san was holding his book upside-down.

*  
  
 **08) Nami/Sanji, Wench**  
  
Sanji had barged in before she could react: a livid black whirlwind that sent the heavyset thug across her flying. The man – who, actually, had been a pretty decent fellow save for his coarse language – brought down the far wall in an impressive shower of dust and debris.  
  
Sanji stood protectively over her, chest heaving, fists clenched.   
  
“Nami-san,” he growled quietly, “is not ‘your wench’.”  
  
Nami’s breath hitched. “Sanji-kun…”  
  
“She’s _mine_ , you shitty bastard!” Sanji shouted, steam pouring from both his nostrils now, “NAMI-SAN IS _MY_ WENCH!”  
  
“…” Nami used the cook to demolish the opposite wall.

*  
  
 **09) Robin/Sanji, Rain**  
  
“Robin-chan.” Sanji swiftly divested himself of his jacket, and threw it over her head. The rain was coming in torrents now, rain so thick and far and wide it looked like heavy fog had settled over the town. Still they kept running, splashing through the ankle-deep streets towards the ocean where Merry had docked. Ahead, Usopp yelled for them to hurry.  
  
Beside Sanji, Robin chuckled. Arms sprouted from between his shoulder blades, rising up in layers until they formed a protective hood above him. Sanji blinked at her, speechless.   
  
“Navigator-san was right, we should have brought an umbrella,” she said.

*  
  
 **10) Usopp/Kaya, leather**  
  
He hadn’t meant to see it, but the boys had dragged him here against his will and forced him to watch with them.   
  
She looked exactly like her. She could have been Kaya, except that Kaya did not dress like _that_ , and Usopp was certain she would not have ventured into the Grand Line just so she could swing around a pole and flex herself into positions he hadn’t even known were physically possible. And he lived with _Sanji_.  
  
Then, ‘Kaya’ split her legs against the bar.  
  
 _I’m sorry, Miss Kaya,_ Usopp whimpered internally, and crossed his legs tighter together.

*  
  
 **11) Robin/Zoro, electricity**  
  
She remembered being caught, she told him, much later, when only the stars were around to listen and while Swordsman-san was alone on his watch.  
  
He shrugged. Looked – very vaguely – embarassed. Grunted something about being nakama and grumbled for her to go back to bed.   
  
Instead she moved closer, put a gentle hand on his still-bandaged arm. Zoro jerked away from her out of reflex. Then turned slightly redder.  
  
“Sorry.” He shifted back.   
  
“Thank you.” Robin smiled.  
  
Acceptance was a strong arm about her shoulders, the comforting warmth emanating even through the layers of rough, scratchy cotton.

*  
  
 **12) Sanji/Zoro, ribbon**   
  
Sanji was creative, both with the production of his various foods and his means of attractively packaging them, should they happen to be gifts on a special day.  
  
“Presents must always be given wrapped,” he explained, while Chopper sparkled at him, “it’s common etiquette.”   
  
“I don’t give a shit about those.” Zoro belched inappropriately, and predictably got kicked out.   
  
On Zoro’s birthday, Sanji presented him with a bottle of brandy, dressed in nothing but the frilliest, laciest, girliest bow he’d ever seen.   
  
“It’s just a ribbon.” Sanji smirked.  
  
“Fuck. You.”   
  
Zoro had to admit it was damn fine brandy, though.

*  
  
 **13) Sanji/Usopp, dessert**   
  
“Here.” The cook gestured roughly at a bowl that was filled with what appeared to be black tar. “Eat this.”  
  
“…Sanji-kun, if you want to kill me that badly, you’ll have to be more subtle.”  
  
“EAT.”  
  
Usopp dipped out a spoonful, took a cautious lick. Then dropped it and started clawing at his throat, eyes rolling wildly.   
  
Sanji booted him from the kitchen. Usopp crawled back in, sniggering, and ran off with the bowl before the cook could kick him out again.  
  
“Contradictory bastard,” Sanji grumbled, but added a check against _‘sesame paste’_ on his list of _‘Longnose’s Favorite Foods’_.

*  
  
 **14) Sanji/Usopp, the bright side**  
  
Sanji had never and still did not remind him of Kaya, and Usopp closed his eyes and huffed and ignored the elbow in his ribs.  
  
His left eye was not blind, nor scarred, nor mutilated, nor was it home to a family of eye-eating hamsters, and Sanji kicked the still-laughing sniper, captain, and doctor overboard.   
  
Apparently, Usopp really _was_ allergic to eating mushrooms, and Sanji made up for his illness by subjecting himself to being Usopp’s personal slave all day.  
  
They can’t remember how they ended up being best buddies. But they just laugh and shrug and never find out.

*  
  
 **15) Zeff/Sanji, fatherhood**  
  
“Someday,” Sanji said seriously, as he gazed out across rolling waves of peach-blossom orange breaking languidly against the jagged rocks fringing the shoreline, “when I marry a girl I like, and we have kids… I’m going to get sued to hell and back for child abuse. And it won’t even be my fault. Like, I’ve lived with being kicked in the head all the time? And no one gives a crap. But when I discipline _my_ kids, they’ll call it child abuse.” He sighed. “They have it so easy, the future generations.”  
  
“…you’re only _twelve_ , you shitty brat,” Zeff said.

*  
  
 **16) Luffy/Sanji/Usopp, handcuffs** (R)  
  
Luffy frowned, from his position lower down. “It’s not our fault you can’t top, Usopp.”  
  
“The _hell_ I can’t top!” The shackles made angry clanking noises as the sniper strained madly against his bonds. “You remove these damned things, and I’ll show you top, Mr. Captain! I will top your rubber ass so hard, I’ll leave imprints!”  
  
“You can’t.” Sanji then did something with his tongue that made Usopp see fireworks, “and that has been confirmed.”   
  
“Screw you both,” he gasped.   
  
“You couldn’t do that!” Luffy laughed. “You only have one!”   
  
“We, however,” - Sanji grinned impossibly wide – “can.”   
  
_“HATE.”_

*  
  
 **17) Robin/Zoro, The Battle**   
  
Disembodied hands were everywhere: crawling out from the shadows, rain-cold fingers latching onto enemy ankles before dragging them beneath the stormy waves. The swordsman’s once-white shirt gleamed with fresh blood as he flashed through the battle, a constant whirl of lightning blades and gritted teeth and hardened eyes.   
  
Usopp watched - as Zoro made his way towards Robin, arms crossed in a corner - as he briefly removed Wadou long enough to brush bloody lips against her cheek.   
  
Then they were back to fighting as though nothing had happened.   
  
_Demons, the two of them,_ he thought, somewhat enviously, and reloaded his slingshot.

*  
  
 **18) Sanji/Chopper, Wanted Posters** (MILD SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 435)  
  
 _“'Upset'?”_   
  
Something smashed against the wall, and Darlton winced as several more bottles followed.   
  
“The stupid furball got himself a bounty cheaper than a wad of cotton. Could I be any more ecstatic? _Could I?!_ …Get me more rum. We’ll toast to the idiot tonight.”  
  
“…Doctorine?”   
  


_x x x x x x_

  
  
“Sorry, Ma’am, but the Baratie’s closed today – ”  
  
“ – see, there’s this idiot Assistant who left us a while ago, and we thought he’d finally grown up, but apparently he’s only just hit puberty – ”  
  
“ – all that facial hair – ”  
  
“ – Owner was _really_ proud – ”  
  
“ – we’ll reopen in a week.”

*  
  
 **19) Usopp/Chopper, Taking care of business.**  
  
“Move.”   
  
The command was reinforced by the click of an enemy musket. But the reindeer refused to budge from where Usopp’s heavily battered body lay strewn across the street.  
  
“There are times,” Chopper whispered, his tears spotting the ground, “where a man is not allowed to run away.”   
  
A beat of silence, and then, two gunshots.  
  
Chopper found himself lying several meters away, uninjured, while Usopp panted from the strain of his movements and shakily lowered his own revolver.  
  
“Idiot.” Usopp coughed blood over the fallen body of their adversary. “It doesn’t mean not doing anything to save yourself, either.”

*  
  
 **20) Robin/Zoro, secret**  
  
There are a select few things that they - as predators trained in the skill of hunting, and hunting well – know about each other that the rest don’t.   
  
Like how he touches Wadou’s hilt to his forehead in respectful reminiscence, when he thinks no one is looking.   
  
Like the flicker of pained guilt he sees in her eyes, when she catches herself unconsciously glaring at Luffy’s back.  
  
How immensely unguarded he leaves himself in his sleep.  
  
How he sees her hesitantly contemplating, from behind his closed eyelids.  
  
They each know what the other hides, and yet they don’t say anything.

*  
  
 **21) Ace/Luffy, contest** (R)  
  
“I bet you can’t last through more than twenty rounds of simultaneous sex,” Luffy shouted.   
  
Usopp’s cocoa went up his nose.   
  
Sanji burnt his steak.   
  
Ace raised an eyebrow. “And you can?”  
  
“I don’t know.”   
  
Luffy looked at Usopp.   
  
Ace contemplated his chances with the cook.  
  
“… _Oi_ ,” said Sanji. But by then he was too late.   
  


_x x x x x x_

  
  
“Che. They passed out.”  
  
“Longnose passed out earlier. I win.”  
  
“Sanji fainted right after, it doesn’t count! Anyway, we both lasted longer than twenty rounds.”  
  
“…I could go for more, though.”  
  
“…”  
  
“…”  
  
“…I bet you can’t top _this_ \- ”

*  
  
 **22) Zoro/Chopper, Mating Season** (CRACK)  
  
“So, Chopper. Why do you like Zoro?”  
  
“Because he’s… nice…?”  
  
“Uh huh.”  
  
“…and big and strong?”  
  
“Uh huh.”  
  
“…It’s like you’re deliberately trying to wring an answer out of me that will make sure I lose my entire fanbase in the same amount of time that Luffy inhales his food.”  
  
“Yes, well, now that you’ve busted me, time to answer the question.”  
  
“ _Fine_. In short: because Zoro’s too oblivious to notice anything. Like how I’m not exactly screaming in innocent delight when I’m bouncing against the back of his head while he’s carrying me around on his shoulders.”  
  
“…I see.”

*  
  
 **23) Shanks/Luffy; Mine's still better than yours!**  
  
“…you know what, in fact, my crew’s gonna be _so_ much greater than yours, I’m going to recruit people who hate pirates to form my pirate crew. And they’d join me and _love it!_ ”  
  
“Sure, kid, whatever you say.”  
  
“Damn you, Shanks! Take me seriously!”  
  
“Yes, yes, Luffy, don’t be upset. Here, have some milk.”  
  
“Hmf.”  
  
“...HE DRANK IT!”   
  
_“YOU BASTARD!”_   
  


_x x x x x x_

  
  
Zoro held out his hand. “Roronoa Zoro, swordsman. Ex-pirate-hunter.”  
  
“Nami, navigator. Ex-pirate thief.”  
  
“Pirates were shitty until I became one.”  
  
“I-I-I’m not happy I became a pirate at all, asshole!”  
  
Shanks turned to a grinning Luffy. “You win.”

*  
  
 **24) Luffy/Usopp, anticipation**  
  
Luffy loved guessing games. He never tired of the shifty gazes exchanged, the way his every little unconscious movement made the other jerk or startle, instantly put on guard when there was never a need to.  
  
The rule of their game was simple: to catch the other unaware. Of what to be wary of was never stated, but the other should never have expected it. That Usopp was always on alert made it exremely difficult, but then again, Luffy liked challenges.   
  
He could only last so long, though.   
  
“I give up.”  
  
 _“EH?!”_  
  
Luffy whistled cheerfully.  
  
“…… you sly, cheating bastard.”

*  
  
 **25) Luffy/Usopp, Pets**  
  
“Fetch!”  
  
The sniper tossed out a strip of bacon, and Luffy went scrambling after the tasty morsel on all fours, barking, almost barreling the swordsman down as he came out on deck.   
  
“What the _hell_ are you idiots doing?!”  
  
“My turn, my turn!” Luffy flung himself back opposite and stabbed his finger at the sniper. “Parrot!”  
  
Usopp went comically wide-eyed, and lolled his head to the side. “‘What the hell are you idiots doing?’”  
  
 _“Oi –”_  
  
Luffy shrieked. “Say ‘Zoro is stupid’!”  
  
“‘Zoro is stupid!’”  
  
“…………”  
  


_x x x x x x_

  
  
“It’s way past lunchtime. Where the hell are Luffy and Usopp?”  
  
“With Chopper.”

*  
  
 **26) Luffy/Sanji, cotton candy**  
  
“Goddamnit, Luffy, for the last time: _it’s not ready yet._ ”  
  
Luffy rubbed mournfully at the stack of bruises atop his head. “But it looks so cool,” he repeated, eyes fixated on the candy floss machine as wisps of pink, stringy fluff began mysteriously forming in the basin.   
  
“You can’t eat it when it’s not ready.” Sanji pointed at the steadily accumulating floss. “See how it keeps getting bigger? If you eat it before I’m done, it’ll keep on growing inside you. And then, you’ll – ”  
  
“ - end up having more candy?”  
  
“... _No_ , you’ll explode.”  
  
“................?”  
  
 _“That means no more candy.”_   
  
“Daaaaaaamn.”

*  
  
 **27) Usopp/Zoro, needles**  
  
“Chopper, if that needle comes within fifty kilometers of my vicinity, I will spontaneously combust into a cloud of spotted mushrooms and violently expire,” Usopp told the syringe-wielding reindeer with the solemnest expression he could muster.   
  
Chopper frowned rather deeply.  
  
“Take it like a man, Captain Usopp,” Zoro drawled from his corner.   
  
“Let’s see _you_ take it,” Usopp argued.  
  
Zoro coolly pointed at the impressive scar across his chest.  
  
“…Chopper, I am a dartboard, and if you don’t inject me now I will blow up intooaARGGGGHOWWCHIEEERUUGHHHAAOHHHMYYGODDDYINGGGG – ”  
  
Zoro rolled his eyes. “Mission Vaccination: Accomplished; Target: Unfortunately Still Alive; Time Taken…”

*  
  
 **28) Zoro/Kuina, angst**  
  
Sometimes he wonders what would have happened, if they hadn’t talked that night, right before she’d died and left him with nothing but a foreign sword and a heavy burden in exchange for their promised dreams. He’d never really known her, after all. Death had came too easy a coincidental defeat. Would he have had the same drive to keep on getting stronger? Had she indirectly given him his purpose? Or hindered him in what else he might have become? Who would he have been? What?   
  
Sometimes he doesn’t know whether to be glad or wish he’d never met her.

*  
  
 **29) Luffy/Usopp, Bathroom troubles**  
  
“Behold, the Great Captain Usopp’s latest invention! The one, the only, never-seen before amazing, spectacular, stupendous, jaw-dropping, unbelievable – ”  
  
“GET ON WITH IT,” Nami shrilled.  
  
“ – LUFFY BOMBER!!”   
  
Usopp fired the canon, and Luffy flew screaming across the ocean, and onto the enemy ship. There was an earth-flattening blast upon impact.   
  
And then the winds wafted the fragrance over.  
  
“OH MY _GOD_ – ”  
  
“LOOK, THEY’RE JUST FALLING OVER – ”  
  
“ – LUNGS – DYING – ”  
  
“Oi, guys! I farted all their asses, I’m coming back now!”  
  
“NO LUFFY DON’T WAIT STAY THERE – ”  
  
“Gomu gomu no – ”  
  
“ _SHIT, NO GAS MASKS,_ ” Usopp screamed.

*  
  
 **30) Merry/nakama, echoes and sunshadows**  
  
Luffy was going to fall off. Nami opened her mouth, but he hushed her with a sideways glance and a finger to his lips.   
  
“She’s sleeping,” Luffy whispered, and pressed his ear to the top of Merry’s head with the care of a father listening to his unborn’s heartbeat.   
  
And then she heard and felt rather than saw: Sanji, humming in the kitchen as he cooked; Chopper dozing inside a sleeping Zoro’s haramaki; Usopp and Robin, as they talked in tones of quiet laughter; a steady breathing that Nami wasn’t sure was her own.   
  
The waves were unusually gentle today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the last of my One Piece fic! Thank you for reading.


End file.
